[Kieranwillz98]

I’m really struggling now and think I’m definitely psychotic or got a brain disease or dementia it’s like I’ve lost control of my body like I got no control at all , what I want to do we’re o want to go , just nothing feels like me every thought I have don’t feel like mine , every conversation, my mind is completely silent no thoughts at all and everyone says but your talking so you must have thoughts l which really winds me up because I generally don’t everything is just happening and I don’t know what to do we’re to go , I can’t plan , I don’t no if I’m hungry or thirsty , I can’t move around by myself I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore , it’s like my brain has snapped and they say if your crazy you wouldn’t notice but I’ve noticed and any second I’m on the edge of completely losing it and it’s scaring me like my soul and conscious is disappearing , memories people , self control , this can’t depersonalisation because last time I had it I could still have thoughts and make choices it would just feel like I was watching myself but this is completely different it’s like. My brain has just left me and my consciousness somone please help and reply

 

[Trith]

I’m really struggling now and think I’m definitely psychotic or got a brain disease or dementia it’s like I’ve lost control of my body like I got no control at all , what I want to do we’re o want to go , just nothing feels like me every thought I have don’t feel like mine , every conversation, my mind is completely silent no thoughts at all and everyone says but your talking so you must have thoughts l which really winds me up because I generally don’t everything is just happening and I don’t know what to do we’re to go , I can’t plan , I don’t no if I’m hungry or thirsty , I can’t move around by myself I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore , it’s like my brain has snapped and they say if your crazy you wouldn’t notice but I’ve noticed and any second I’m on the edge of completely losing it and it’s scaring me like my soul and conscious is disappearing , memories people , self control , this can’t depersonalisation because last time I had it I could still have thoughts and make choices it would just feel like I was watching myself but this is completely different it’s like. My brain has just left me and my consciousness somone please help and reply

You say it can't be depersonalization now because it was depersonalization before and now it's different. I know how you feel and I know that for you it doesn't feel like DPDR, I am not negating how you feel, but only on a logical point of view there are many things wrong with that reasoning. You say both of your experiences are different. But DPDR can be different for different people, you need to read more on the forum, there are many different experiences with many different symptoms and different intensities including very strong ones. And the same person can totally have different DPDR experiences in their life that are very different in nature and intensity. You can ask leminaseri for example, I think it was the case for him. So if you think it couldn't be DPDR both times only because both times were different, then you are wrong. I cannot diagnose you, but just that bit is not logical. It doesn't prove you don't have DPDR. And let's say DPDR is the same thing for everyone, which it isn't, but even if we assume that, if only one of your two experiences was DPDR, why do you decide it is the first one and not the second one you are experiencing now? Maybe it was the first one that wasn't DPDR. Looking at your symptoms they correspond very well to what others have described on the forum.
So my question is, what do you expect from this forum, would you like people to convince you you have DPDR? If so what do you think would help? Or do you just want to find people who relate? Or you are asking people if they know a way to make your stress go down? How can we help you? In any case, if you are in such a distress, I believe the right thing to do is to go see a doctor again as well, maybe another one, or maybe the same one and telling them your life is unbearable right now so that they really take you seriously and actually do something to help, change medication, give you time off.
Or perhaps you could also go to a forum for people who suffer from psychosis and see if they relate to what you say or if you relate to what they say. I've been to a facebook group for people who suffer from schizophrenia and I can guarantee that the schizophrenia they had was very different from the schizophrenia I imagined (was almost certain) I had while on a DPDR peak. On this forum here, so far, people said they related with your symptoms. You could also go on a forum for people who have mental health anxiety and see if you relate.

 

[Stevemc92]

Bro dm me I have had this heaps of times

 

[Kieranwillz98]

it is „just“ anxiety. nothing else. you can google symptoms of anxiety. you are just experiencing very high levels of it. for a psychosis you highly likely would have a prodromal state (which can last up to 5 years, and the signs are mostly slight.).

i once said to you that i had have the exact same things experienced in the beginning of 2020. im not schizophrenic yet and i wont get probably for life. i dont know what properly to make in such a state, but i just worried too much, and it fucked completely with my brain. this state will for sure pass but it is what you make out of it afterwards. the more worrying = more severe the dpdr after anxiety episode

But I’m not anxious at all I’m calm , and I just got no thoughts no feelings , no flow of thought or what to do or we’re to go and every single thing I do don’t feel like me every single thing , so how do you explain that

 

[Trith]

But I’m not anxious at all I’m calm , and I just got no thoughts no feelings , no flow of thought or what to do or we’re to go and every single thing I do don’t feel like me every single thing , so how do you explain that

It's explained by strong dpdr and blank mind. There are many accounts of this on the forum.

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

I’m really struggling now and think I’m definitely psychotic or got a brain disease or dementia it’s like I’ve lost control of my body like I got no control at all , what I want to do we’re o want to go , just nothing feels like me every thought I have don’t feel like mine , every conversation, my mind is completely silent no thoughts at all and everyone says but your talking so you must have thoughts l which really winds me up because I generally don’t everything is just happening and I don’t know what to do we’re to go , I can’t plan , I don’t no if I’m hungry or thirsty , I can’t move around by myself I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore , it’s like my brain has snapped and they say if your crazy you wouldn’t notice but I’ve noticed and any second I’m on the edge of completely losing it and it’s scaring me like my soul and conscious is disappearing , memories people , self control , this can’t depersonalisation because last time I had it I could still have thoughts and make choices it would just feel like I was watching myself but this is completely different it’s like. My brain has just left me and my consciousness somone please help and reply

Sounds like depersonalization to me.

 

[Trith]

But I’m not anxious at all I’m calm , and I just got no thoughts no feelings , no flow of thought or what to do or we’re to go and every single thing I do don’t feel like me every single thing , so how do you explain that

I mean not feeling like "me" is classic DP. I have had that during episodes and when it was the strongest it was truly the worst sensation I have ever had. Losing myself, feeling I was becoming crazy, feeling like my life was over, none of what I did mattered because I was like a random stranger to myself. As a sensation it was worse than what I felt when losing my father or my best friend. At least that was sadness which is a human feeling even when it is very hard. But DP was inhuman. I think not knowing what it was made it even worse. But yeah, DP feels like that. And it's a good thing you didn't have it this strong the first time.

 

[Kieranwillz98]

How do Do I get back my thoughts and actions and a choice of what I want to say ?? It’s like I’m just fading into nothing like my brains gave up when I’m aone I can’t mover or think or watch tv like it’s me watching it or my phone like it’s me on Instagram and Snapchat like things I want to do it’s seems impossible to feel like this and be alive and can’t come back and I got agitated and run around my house

 

[Aaron46589]

How do Do I get back my thoughts and actions and a choice of what I want to say ?? It’s like I’m just fading into nothing like my brains gave up when I’m aone I can’t mover or think or watch tv like it’s me watching it or my phone like it’s me on Instagram and Snapchat like things I want to do it’s seems impossible to feel like this and be alive and can’t come back and I got agitated and run around my house

Do some research my man and look into how dissociation affects the brain. When you’re dissociated which depersonalisation is a form of dissociation your prefrontal cortex gets turned off. Which explains why a lot of us have the feeling of a blank mind.

 

[NoDevils]

There is a process in the brain where consciousness identifies thoughts and identifies them with self. In depersonalization that process breaks down, especially the latter part. Normal people often produce thoughts and sentences without conscious control, and usually they don't notice or care. Maybe you could try consciously directing your thoughts and attention through a meditation. Maybe you can react with equanimity to these dissociated experiences you're having instead of creating a (mis)fortune that you're going insane. If you legitimately become not in control of your thoughts and actions then your levels of anxiety are probably very high and you may need some treatment like intensive counseling or a medicine. Just remember to differentiate between dissociative and psychotic symptoms otherwise you're going to be given the wrong treatment. Of course we aren't doctors and this advice is given under the pretense that it's "just depersonalization, or just anxiety."

 

[coolwhip27]

How do Do I get back my thoughts and actions and a choice of what I want to say ?? It’s like I’m just fading into nothing like my brains gave up when I’m aone I can’t mover or think or watch tv like it’s me watching it or my phone like it’s me on Instagram and Snapchat like things I want to do it’s seems impossible to feel like this and be alive and can’t come back and I got agitated and run around my house

When your mind is flowing naturally like you want it to there isn’t any choice to be made. In both the attention to something you’re listening to and your response to it all happens without choosing between different options. Notice how whenever you have something to say, it’s instant. Right? Its no contemplative decision, you just say it. If you’re constantly trying to manifest thoughts in your head then of course they’ll feel forced, you end up feeling limited and blank. What you’re thinking about is the state of your mind so you have nothing to think about except thoughts. Take note that thinking doesn’t even have to imply awareness that it’s happening. As soon as your brain says “I’m thinking” and it turns it’s attention to that, there’s nothing to see. Words don’t come directly into yourself by thinking about words. Again, the mind “flowing” is something that happens naturally, not by trying to make it happen.

 

[Diego]

When your mind is flowing naturally like you want it to there isn’t any choice to be made. In both the attention to something you’re listening to and your response to it all happens without choosing between different options. Notice how whenever you have something to say, it’s instant. Right? Its no contemplative decision, you just say it. If you’re constantly trying to manifest thoughts in your head then of course they’ll feel forced, you end up feeling limited and blank. What you’re thinking about is the state of your mind so you have nothing to think about except thoughts. Take note that thinking doesn’t even have to imply awareness that it’s happening. As soon as your brain says “I’m thinking” and it turns it’s attention to that, there’s nothing to see. Words don’t come directly into yourself by thinking about words. Again, the mind “flowing” is something that happens naturally, not by trying to make it happen.

Bro, you're really good with words. Don't you ever thought in make a book about your experience with dp?

 

[Trith]

When your mind is flowing naturally like you want it to there isn’t any choice to be made. In both the attention to something you’re listening to and your response to it all happens without choosing between different options. Notice how whenever you have something to say, it’s instant. Right? Its no contemplative decision, you just say it. If you’re constantly trying to manifest thoughts in your head then of course they’ll feel forced, you end up feeling limited and blank. What you’re thinking about is the state of your mind so you have nothing to think about except thoughts. Take note that thinking doesn’t even have to imply awareness that it’s happening. As soon as your brain says “I’m thinking” and it turns it’s attention to that, there’s nothing to see. Words don’t come directly into yourself by thinking about words. Again, the mind “flowing” is something that happens naturally, not by trying to make it happen.

I think in DPDR there are many things about the self seem to be inhibited. And it seems that people who have blank mind actually can't hear their own thoughts. I don't think it's just that they freak out about something that has always been like that but that they never noticed before. But you are right, it doesn't mean they are not happening. And it depends what we call a thought. The fact that someone is speaking means that a thought has happened at some point before. I think it's true for every language but it is perhaps very obvious with german when the verb comes in the end of the sentence. There is no way you can start a sentence and not know what verb you are going to use until the end of the sentence. But I think it is possible to be somehow deaf to your own thoughts just like we can almost lose our proprioception when we have an out of body experience.

 

[Kieranwillz98]

I think in DPDR there are many things about the self seem to be inhibited. And it seems that people who have blank mind actually can't hear their own thoughts. I don't think it's just that they freak out about something that has always been like that but that they never noticed before. But you are right, it doesn't mean they are not happening. And it depends what we call a thought. The fact that someone is speaking means that a thought has happened at some point before. I think it's true for every language but it is perhaps very obvious with german when the verb comes in the end of the sentence. There is no way you can start a sentence and not know what verb you are going to use until the end of the sentence. But I think it is possible to be somehow deaf to your own thoughts just like we can almost lose our proprioception when we have an out of body experience.

I messaged you back answer when you can would mean a lot

 

[coolwhip27]

Bro, you're really good with words. Don't you ever thought in make a book about your experience with dp?

Thanks bro, I’m much more of a writer than I am a speaker. If I was standing on a pedestal and I was supposed to convey something it wouldn’t sound nearly as articulate. In real life I have a hard time with expression

 

[coolwhip27]

I think in DPDR there are many things about the self seem to be inhibited. And it seems that people who have blank mind actually can't hear their own thoughts. I don't think it's just that they freak out about something that has always been like that but that they never noticed before. But you are right, it doesn't mean they are not happening. And it depends what we call a thought. The fact that someone is speaking means that a thought has happened at some point before. I think it's true for every language but it is perhaps very obvious with german when the verb comes in the end of the sentence. There is no way you can start a sentence and not know what verb you are going to use until the end of the sentence. But I think it is possible to be somehow deaf to your own thoughts just like we can almost lose our proprioception when we have an out of body experience.

Yes exactly! Deaf to your own thoughts, almost like your brain is conveniently blocking out the recognition of what your thinking, creating an illusion of there being nothing. Why it happens would probably be the same as answering why we have DP, since it’s a facet of detachment. In this case it’s detachment from thoughts, which to me is the worst when it comes to this disorder. How are you supposed to have a grip on reality if you can’t hear your own thoughts? Damn, come to think about it, one of the biggest things I struggle with is actually not being able to hear or “feel” my own thoughts too…