mmm....48 stellas...
brainsilence: From what i could garner from your post, it seems like you have the same problem that most of us here have...we obsess over things and almost "will" ourselves to do things...against our own will, if that makes any sense. For example, we conjur up in our minds the most horrendous thoughts possible (like hurting/killing/decapitating) the ones we love, and think "O.K. This is really really bad. Whatever you do, don't think of this anymore." And then we do...again and again and again. Regular as clockwork. As has been said many times on here, you will not actually DO these things. People with mental illness that DO are very different from people with mental illness who THINK. I'm going to post later on tonight about all this, so hopefully that will help you a little more. But as i have to get going at the moment, i'll leave it at that.
jc: i binge drink occassionaly too. If i'm out on the weekends, i'll drink until the bars close (which seems to be getting later and later in toronto these days). I unequivocally regret it the next day and feel utterly horrible. But i'm also able to nurse two to three glasses of wine a night, and that has literally no effect on me the next day...just gives me a nice warm glow the night of. If you really want to hone down the drinking, i'd suggest setting a time at night that you follow these guidelines:
1. Set a time at night that you will allow yourself to start drinking (because as we both know, it's nearly impossible to stop once you start...eventually, this rule will become obsolete as you'll be able to control the pace of your drinking). Maybe start it at 6 pm, and move it up to 7 pm when you feel comfortable, until you get it to 9 pm. If you have to get up in the morning for work or something, you'll end up only consuming a few drinks a night.
2. Make sure you wake up early. If you're up early, whether you're working or not, you'll be more tired earlier on in the night and, combined with guideline 1, you'll find yourself cutting short your drinking time.
3. Do something while you drink. Don't just sit and listen to music while drinking. Believe me, that's one of my favourite pasttimes, but when you're trying to quit alcohol, it elicits feelings of invincibility and one tends to drink faster.
I actually have to go now, i'm getting those derisive looks from my co-workers again. Losers.
I'll write more tonight...
s.
