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messaqge to self listen and learn for once !" an apolog

2311 Views 25 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  jc
i feel ive pissed off a few people on this forum and i do appologize....ive promised so many people that i would stop drinking.....but the matter of the fact is im an alcoholic....ive talked it through today with neighbours,abulancemen (and women) and later a doctor....
ive also openly told my mum and dad for the first time ever.....
but to anyone that has ever been undert he impresseion that i have lied to sorry
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well said...i actually binge drink im ashamed to say,which saddens me because if i had more self control i could enjoy a tipple in the evening
to the point what did i drink in the past 6 days

a small bottle of rum
a small bottle of vodka
a medium sized bottle of brandy
8 pints of i.p.a
and then i found a little treasure trove in my dads garage
48 bottles of stella...but my lifestyle smacks of alcoholismn...i was hiding bottles everywhere in my room,forgetting nights,i dont think i black out so much as i just get lost in the glow...

i have a river behind me and i filled two black bin liners with all the bottles and cans and drunkenly staggered down the garden and did my usual trick of falling down a ditch with bottles smashing and crashing.....and im covered in cuts and bruises due to the fall

days get lost i forget used to be wonderful the drunken nights but now the days worry me hen i forget and today im struggling to think straight....ive spent a day ill with the embaressmnet of getting an ambulance around,and behaving like a lunatic who must have sounded like a gibbering wreck in front of my neighbour who witnessed me in bed sweating and cramping.....

i just cant do it anymore,today is the first time in my life i wanted to cry and because im quite vain in attitude im letting my gurad down in front of friends

why cant it be like life before dp wher the actual drink was felt in the physical sense and not just to add to depressed confusion////

sorry to sound like a drama queen but i seriously thought id lost the plot due to a funny (not ha ha funny)mental block..
and my text had been terrible due to red watering eyes which have been caused by the booze and pills (maybe)
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i acdtually used a word twice today thats never crossed my thoughts...and that is suicide...

i was fucked utterly fucked...all i could think of when i was cramping and groaning very loudly in pain throwing up brown stuff was nick cage in the film i think its called 'leaving las vegas' where he decides to drink himself to death..

also i beileve its the pills mixed with the drink that gives me sucha band comedown

also what i had apart from the anxiety,depression mental (etreme detament) was pins and needels in my hands and a burning scalp with buzzing in my ears....

im told that im a mentalist when i drink with the pills...and that really bothers me
thanks for your kind replies....

well my dad has given me the biggest bollocking ever as he found id drank all his beers,so guilt is overflowing at the moment,and when he finds ive drank all the brandy,rum and vodka....oh shit ! it could be the streets for me...
i just replied to an email from gaenor and i explained to her that when i used to drink the world felt know nice and hazy...but now the world feels and looks worse than ever(when drunk)...this is not a good sign,this feels detremental to me...but hey,im alive and kicking and there was a time before drink and ive had 16 years of getting my kicks from booze (long time,ive just realised how scary that is)

today was quite embarressing i visited the local church where they hold the meetings and all the women were there with there kids (some kind of creche) and i was asked if i need help i asked her in front of all these women (in a quiet mumble) yeh what days and times are the A.A meetings lol
thanks folks...yes i went ! and met a bunch of wonderful people from all walks of life...#
im pretty tired though,got talking to a lovely girl afterwards who runs the official website and she told me that this 'god' thing is bullshit if you want it to be,she was the same as me with her outlook,that of being an atheist and that of just wanting to stay dry,which shes been doing for around 5 years was nervewracking and getting over the true god stuff was difficult,all that 'big book' stuff...but they mentioned that it is 'your god' your strength whatever that might be,and that it could be anything..
well heres to sundays meeting...good fuckin crack as well,lots of laughs amongts the serious stuff
g-funk said:
I too would have felt embarrassed in that church. But totally worth it!
Good luck x :wink:
hey your coming with me sunday lol
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