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Hello folks! I'm a 25 y/o guy who has been suffering from an unknown disorder for the last six years. It is one terrible journey, full of misery and pain, but such is life, and I learned to appreciate what was given. That being said, my intention is to fight till I completely run out of ideas, and for the first time in many years I finally have something to grab onto.
Symptoms: Intense Brain Fog - mental capacity at 15%, numbed out, blank mind; Derealization - perceptional dissociation, observing myself from 3rd person perspective; Chronic Fatigue - physical capacity at 20%, feeling like a heavy, old, empty battery; Poor circulation - dead-white extremities and dull skin/muscles; Excessive Daytime Somnolence - feeling as if I've never slept.
*Everything gets 3x worse after shower (hot/cold) - I basically sleep afterwards, otherwise I'm unable to function.
*Everything gets 2x worse if I sleep less than ~7hrs a day.
Background: Grew up in a healthy and loving environment. Amazing childhood, nothing but happiness and beauty. Never had emotional burden or any kind of trauma. Same with teenage years, free of any psychological or physical issues whatsoever. Excelled in school and social activities. Developed a charismatic, cheerful and dynamic personality. Health-wise I've never had any ailment and sincerely don't remember the last time I've been sick. My body is quite strong, with athletic conditioning and fine nutrition. All in all, lived a perfect life.
How it started: Out of the blue, I gradually noticed difficulty formulating sentences, followed by unusual lack of energy and increased need for sleep. This happened in the span of several months, and I simply cannot pinpoint the catalyst. I was in college during that time, minding my own business and having fun, while stress levels were kept at the minimum. Also no drugs of any sorts were involved. Naturally I got frustrated of what was happening, but I thought it would all resolve come summer holidays. It only got worse.
What I've tried:
Conventional Medicine
80+ doctors from all over the world
100+ tests, analyses, scans (all clear - Healthy™)
10+ medications (psychotropic - Modafinil, Wellbutrin, Effexor, etc)
*Tested for most DR/CFS theories
Alternative Medicine - Herbal / Chinese / Ayurveda / Chiropractic / Homeopathy
50+ doctors from all over the world
800+ herbs, tonics, exercises
Supplements
1500+ extracts, adaptogens, nootropics, performance enhancers, immune boosters, etc
Experiments
Lifestyle changes (isolation in nature, social immersion, full on leisure, full on work), various diets, megadosing supplements, different methods of exercise; polyphasic sleeping, dry fasting, maximum sensory pleasures, maximum mental stimulation, triggering fight/flight, adrenaline rushes, etc
Spent thousands of hours reading resources online.
Let's just say that I've tried quite a few things over the course of the last six years, and nothing, I repeat nothing has even the remotest effect on my condition. To get the rough idea, if I megadose (3k mg each) on Modafinil + coffeine, the alertness level moves only about 2-3%. That's it. There's nothing that makes me feel worse (except shower & lack of sleep) or better. I'm just stuck in a flatline mode of being.
What I haven't tried: most CNS stimulants; Atypical antipsychotics; Party drugs; Psychadelics.
I'm a little wary of these classes of drugs, but since I'm trying everything, they're also on the list. Out of those that fall into the aforementioned categories, my research showed that one of the mildest and easiest options to begin with was Mescaline (delicate psychadelic/euphoriant). And so I gave it a try.
*Medical testing showed no abnormalities, therefore mainstream neurologic drugs are my only option.
The short-lived miracle: Since Mescaline is illegal and quite possibly non-existent in my country, I went on a trip to South America, where I got hold of Peruvian Torch cactus powder. There are several other cacti species that contain Mescaline, but Torch provides the purest experience since it contains only a handful of other alkaloids. At first I prepared 100g (above average dose) powder by boiling it. I drank and waited 15 hours (usually starts in 1hr and fades away by the 10th) for any kind of effects. Nothing but an uneasy feeling in the head, as if something got stuck. For the second time, I ingested the raw powder of the same amount. The feeling? even worse. Imagine having tons of highways in the head with massive traffic jams all over the place. This is how it felt for about 13 hours. By that time I really wanted to sleep, but the feeling was too uncomfortable, so I went outside for a walk. While roaming in the streets, I was slowly noticing something unusual - the motion of walking felt in sync with my sense of awareness. The dissociation was melting away, and my perception coming back. The mind/body connection was getting stronger, and the veil of fog was being lifted off my brain. My hands immediately went from cold/white to warm/red. The fatigued muscles became lively and energized, and the mental faculties were going full throttle, back to where I left them years ago. I couldn't believe what was happening and how it was happening. My screams of joy were being heard in the whole town. It went on like a rebirth really. And mind you, all of this felt very clean and organic with practically no signs of classic Mescaline experience (open/closed eye visuals, distortions, dream-like state, altered perception, synesthesia, hallucinations, exaggerated emotions, sense of floating). So just like that, in the span of three hours, I recovered 100%. Also completely forgot how I felt for the last six years. It was beautiful. Not long after, my legs started cramping, with blood rushing up and down in an insanely strange manner. Didn't know what was happening so I want to ER, where they gave me some kind of a sedative that knocked me out for two hours. When I woke up, my legs were back to normal, and I was still feeling fantastic, fully relieved from the disorder. I went home, celebrated the day, and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up with the same old terrible condition, but renewed faith.
This was undoubtedly one of the best days of my life. After walking in the dark for so long, I finally saw the glimpse of light, and my hope rekindled. Now I'm going to explore Peruvian Torch (3 methoxytyramine, Tyramine, Mescaline, Two unknown alkaloids, and 3,5-dimethoxy-4-hydroxyphenethylamine) and Mescaline's mechanisms of action to discern what might have happened that day, and where is to be found the root of my disorder. We CAN recover folks, don't lose your optimism and motivation. I will be meeting with several neurologists in the upcoming days, and will be keeping you updated. I would be extremely grateful for your thoughts and suggestions of any kind. Maybe some of you have ideas on what to look for, try, or talk to the doctors about. I hope this becomes a success story and a resource for battling this nasty disease.
Wish you all a complete recovery!
*It took me one full day to write this; normally it would've taken much much less.
Symptoms: Intense Brain Fog - mental capacity at 15%, numbed out, blank mind; Derealization - perceptional dissociation, observing myself from 3rd person perspective; Chronic Fatigue - physical capacity at 20%, feeling like a heavy, old, empty battery; Poor circulation - dead-white extremities and dull skin/muscles; Excessive Daytime Somnolence - feeling as if I've never slept.
*Everything gets 3x worse after shower (hot/cold) - I basically sleep afterwards, otherwise I'm unable to function.
*Everything gets 2x worse if I sleep less than ~7hrs a day.
Background: Grew up in a healthy and loving environment. Amazing childhood, nothing but happiness and beauty. Never had emotional burden or any kind of trauma. Same with teenage years, free of any psychological or physical issues whatsoever. Excelled in school and social activities. Developed a charismatic, cheerful and dynamic personality. Health-wise I've never had any ailment and sincerely don't remember the last time I've been sick. My body is quite strong, with athletic conditioning and fine nutrition. All in all, lived a perfect life.
How it started: Out of the blue, I gradually noticed difficulty formulating sentences, followed by unusual lack of energy and increased need for sleep. This happened in the span of several months, and I simply cannot pinpoint the catalyst. I was in college during that time, minding my own business and having fun, while stress levels were kept at the minimum. Also no drugs of any sorts were involved. Naturally I got frustrated of what was happening, but I thought it would all resolve come summer holidays. It only got worse.
What I've tried:
Conventional Medicine
80+ doctors from all over the world
100+ tests, analyses, scans (all clear - Healthy™)
10+ medications (psychotropic - Modafinil, Wellbutrin, Effexor, etc)
*Tested for most DR/CFS theories
Alternative Medicine - Herbal / Chinese / Ayurveda / Chiropractic / Homeopathy
50+ doctors from all over the world
800+ herbs, tonics, exercises
Supplements
1500+ extracts, adaptogens, nootropics, performance enhancers, immune boosters, etc
Experiments
Lifestyle changes (isolation in nature, social immersion, full on leisure, full on work), various diets, megadosing supplements, different methods of exercise; polyphasic sleeping, dry fasting, maximum sensory pleasures, maximum mental stimulation, triggering fight/flight, adrenaline rushes, etc
Spent thousands of hours reading resources online.
Let's just say that I've tried quite a few things over the course of the last six years, and nothing, I repeat nothing has even the remotest effect on my condition. To get the rough idea, if I megadose (3k mg each) on Modafinil + coffeine, the alertness level moves only about 2-3%. That's it. There's nothing that makes me feel worse (except shower & lack of sleep) or better. I'm just stuck in a flatline mode of being.
What I haven't tried: most CNS stimulants; Atypical antipsychotics; Party drugs; Psychadelics.
I'm a little wary of these classes of drugs, but since I'm trying everything, they're also on the list. Out of those that fall into the aforementioned categories, my research showed that one of the mildest and easiest options to begin with was Mescaline (delicate psychadelic/euphoriant). And so I gave it a try.
*Medical testing showed no abnormalities, therefore mainstream neurologic drugs are my only option.
The short-lived miracle: Since Mescaline is illegal and quite possibly non-existent in my country, I went on a trip to South America, where I got hold of Peruvian Torch cactus powder. There are several other cacti species that contain Mescaline, but Torch provides the purest experience since it contains only a handful of other alkaloids. At first I prepared 100g (above average dose) powder by boiling it. I drank and waited 15 hours (usually starts in 1hr and fades away by the 10th) for any kind of effects. Nothing but an uneasy feeling in the head, as if something got stuck. For the second time, I ingested the raw powder of the same amount. The feeling? even worse. Imagine having tons of highways in the head with massive traffic jams all over the place. This is how it felt for about 13 hours. By that time I really wanted to sleep, but the feeling was too uncomfortable, so I went outside for a walk. While roaming in the streets, I was slowly noticing something unusual - the motion of walking felt in sync with my sense of awareness. The dissociation was melting away, and my perception coming back. The mind/body connection was getting stronger, and the veil of fog was being lifted off my brain. My hands immediately went from cold/white to warm/red. The fatigued muscles became lively and energized, and the mental faculties were going full throttle, back to where I left them years ago. I couldn't believe what was happening and how it was happening. My screams of joy were being heard in the whole town. It went on like a rebirth really. And mind you, all of this felt very clean and organic with practically no signs of classic Mescaline experience (open/closed eye visuals, distortions, dream-like state, altered perception, synesthesia, hallucinations, exaggerated emotions, sense of floating). So just like that, in the span of three hours, I recovered 100%. Also completely forgot how I felt for the last six years. It was beautiful. Not long after, my legs started cramping, with blood rushing up and down in an insanely strange manner. Didn't know what was happening so I want to ER, where they gave me some kind of a sedative that knocked me out for two hours. When I woke up, my legs were back to normal, and I was still feeling fantastic, fully relieved from the disorder. I went home, celebrated the day, and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up with the same old terrible condition, but renewed faith.
This was undoubtedly one of the best days of my life. After walking in the dark for so long, I finally saw the glimpse of light, and my hope rekindled. Now I'm going to explore Peruvian Torch (3 methoxytyramine, Tyramine, Mescaline, Two unknown alkaloids, and 3,5-dimethoxy-4-hydroxyphenethylamine) and Mescaline's mechanisms of action to discern what might have happened that day, and where is to be found the root of my disorder. We CAN recover folks, don't lose your optimism and motivation. I will be meeting with several neurologists in the upcoming days, and will be keeping you updated. I would be extremely grateful for your thoughts and suggestions of any kind. Maybe some of you have ideas on what to look for, try, or talk to the doctors about. I hope this becomes a success story and a resource for battling this nasty disease.
Wish you all a complete recovery!
*It took me one full day to write this; normally it would've taken much much less.
