[Lena Aa]

DPD makes us feel as if our identity, our feelings, and our whole life became a liveless Mental Construct that doesn't even belong to us. And this is because we have been using our mind as a shield to protect us from painful feelings, we have learned that being us is painful, we have turned ourselves into a "project" that only need to be controlled and fixed. We have been denying our needs and a huge part of who we are till we have lost connection to who we are.
If you are trying to heal while being in that state, then it will be hard.
You are in this state of perceiving and experiencing everything as if they are a concept even yoursef, so if you think that "feeling that you are who you are" is another concept that you need to look for, then you are in a loop.

 

[Trith]

Absolutely, that's what I think about myself too. It's like I am trying to not be who I am, and self help can turn into a project where I try even more to be something else, something even further. Now I want to just be the small thing I am. Maybe some things are going to change later, but I'm going to start from who I am, not from who I wish I was. I would like to accept that sometimes I hurt others, and sometimes I apologize too much after, and sometimes I have thoughts I don't like, and sometimes my life is a mess because of adhd, and sometimes I don't function as I think I deserve, and sometimes I claim I have certain values and then I don't respect them, and sometimes I am not the most likable person in the room, but everybody is imperfect like that and I don't want to have so high standards just for me. And even if I truly was a shittier person than people around me, I prefer much more to be 100% that shitty person than to run away from who I am and trap myself with my high standards. It's really like refusing to be who I am. And I think this puts me in a dynamic of trying to delete from my mind some parts of who I am. I believe my DPDR can be related to that, but even if it isn't, not being who I am is at least as damaging as DPDR.