[Guest]

I'm almost sure someone will know this feeling... the feeling that your memories aren't your own. My memories are more like something I was told. It's got to be the reason I hate people whod rudge up the past, as a lot of people in my life do, and they do so to make fun of me for things in the past, and I don't relate it to myself at all. Not even the good stuff. Like I'm just sitting here working on sending an email to someone I recently met who's interested in castles and vikings and such, so I'm kind of showing off how I've been to Sweden and the viking stuff I've seen, but I don't relate to it, I don't really remember it so to speak, I remember it more like it's a movie that someone's only told me about. I guess it is an unsettling feeling. :?

 

[Guest]

Hi there

I hardly ever post on here but often log on to read/learn from others' experiences and insights. Your comments about memory really strike a chord. I was free from DP until my early twenties, when a chronic form of the disorder took hold of me for 3 years. I was blissfully free of it again for another 3 years and recently (I am now 30) have found myself back in its grip.

When I look back on events in my past I feel completely out of touch with the feelings I had then. My most precious and accessible memories are from my relatively trouble-free childhood, but anything post 19 is a real blur. I either have NO memory of certain events, or a very superficial/factual memory of them. (ie. I can remember what I was wearing but not how I FELT). I sometimes feel unrecognisable to myself and do not identify myself with my past. I often find it hard to justify how I acted/behaved in the past as I often feel like I am answering on someone else's behalf. I don't suppose most people would understand what I am talking about at all, but it really troubles me.

I completely understand how unsettling this feeling is. How can you know what you are if you don't know what you've been?

Eva xxxxx

 

[Guest]

I know what you mean to some extent. My memories feel so disconnected from me as if they aren't mine, yet I remember pretty much all the details. It is so wierd though, because it feels as if I actually didn't do certain things. for example, last year I studied for a semester in Guatemala. I remember everything about it but it still doesn't even seem like I was really there, just kind of like it was a movie I watched. Also, when the dp/dr gets really bad, it sometimes feels like stuff that just happened minutes before actaully happened lifetimes ago. My concept of time is very wierd, I have noticed. I fear that the things I enjoy now, since they're so hazy and feel so unreal, will one day disappear and I'll have no recollection of them. Can anyone else relate?

 

[Guest]

I can relate to this ... I can't stand looking at pics because not only do I have memory loss for real, but the memories that I do have I feel so disconnected from them that it is painful to look at it because it's as if I'm looking at something that I know about, but as if I either read it or saw a movie about it...not lived it.

It can't be "my life" even though I should know that it is. It just doesn't feel like it is.

My memories seem as if they are not my own and that's becoming unsettling. Then again maybe it's not unsettling at all I told my therapist because I don't know that I would want know anything different because I don't remember knowing any different since I've been like this since I was seven. So now what? That is more unsettling to go on in limbo. It sux.