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Hey friends, my name is keith and I have been living with dp/dr for 2 months. It all started on my birthday weekend when I decided to go do some mdma (molly). At first my friend sprinkled some in my drank. 45 minutes later I started to feel the effects and it was heaven. Another hour passed and I took another lick off of my friends hand. Another 30 minutes me amd her both were naked laying down talking in the dark. Fast forward to about ten hours later I'm still eating little pebbles sized rocks. At this time I'm on another planet and I started to panic bad. I started screaming and to my brothers advice I took a shower, but that wasn't enough. The ambulance came to pick me up and I ended up spending the night there. I was released but when I got home that's when I experienced intense depersonalization and anxiety. I spent my birthday in a psych ward crying like a baby cause of the panic. The next few weeks were ok, I went to see a dr and she prescribed me Zoloft. I didnt like the way they made me feel so I stop taking them. These last few weeks have been hell. I can't seem to get this thought out of my head which is killing me. A few months back a person I barely know took a lot of molly and jumped off a building and killed his self. My friend started making fun of him and being the immature idiot I was, o started laughing and made a joke also. Sometimes I feel like its karma and the same is gonna happen to me. I prayed and asked for forgiveness. Sometimes I can go days without thinking about it, but I have days where its haunting me. I don't wanna die, I wanna live, I have kids and had furue plans. I'm trying my best to get thru this problems. This depersonalization and depression is something that seems like its impossible to get over with my negative thoughts. I just want my life back. 2 months ago I had not a worry in the world. I hate going around my family sometimes because they just seem so unfamiliar and I hate that. If anyone has any advice I'd be open to hear it, and don't try to be nice about it. I wannna hear the whole hearted truth. People say they say I'm getting better but I don't know. I'm sleep ok, im eating better than when I first for dp/dr. Only time I start to freak out is when I feel a panic attack coming. Thanks for hearing my story, and I wish u all a speedy recovery
 

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I can completely relate. My was from a bad drug experience also. The worst part is, is that no one truly gets it. They think it’s just really bad depression or anxiety, but my goodness it is much much worse. I’m with you! Looking into some medication also because I’m not functioning at the current moment. My parents have to bribe me to leave the house. And I have NEVER been like this. Its the worst. I’m with ya
 
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