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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone, I apologise this may be an essay.

I'm glad I have found this forum - maybe this will be what I was looking for or maybe it will be another false idea.

Anyway, I can definately identify with a lot of the symptoms given here.

I'm sure it is anxiety and depression related - I'd rather not go into how those two came about. Something suffice to say that at 20 I feel like I have lived my life and seen and done everything good. Suicide has seemed so very tempting recently. I'm just so fed up of feeling 'mad'. I can't get my head around my own thoughts, and I keep having random disturbing thoughts (Getting old, death, what happens afterwards, hell, etc) Just what you need to go to bed thinking!

What I've been thinking recently is that, after experiencing all this, can I ever be happy and 'normal'? It almost feels like I'm in a permanent state of shock or post traumatic stress disorder. I'm a big bloke, but I don't mind admitting I'm absolutely terrified. I always have been of mental disorders - the way you can;t have a doctor X-Ray them or look at them and just say "Yep, two aspirin and see me tomorrow!"

I just don't know what's normal for me to be thinking anymore. It honestly feels like I've gone stark raving looney sometimes. But then, do mad people even know they are mad? Is the fact I'm so shook up a good thing?

If anyone can identify, help, advise, or anything please post. I'm hoping this phase will wear off again soon...then it's just a case of waiting for the next one. :( I can't take another 50 years of this I don't think.

Please reply as soon as you can - whether good or bad. I just have to know what on earth is going on - I feel trapped in my own personal hell inside my head.

I'm sorry for going on, and I hope I haven't upset anyone.

Again, I'm glad I found these forums - a big thankyou to the owners and administrators.

Hope you are all feeling better than me. :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Maybe a little more detail on what's going on for you will help us come up with opinions mrmole. For instance, do you feel as if your sense of self is off somehow, or even missing? Do you have the sensation that your soul has drifted away somewhere? How about the outside world - does that look "normal" to you, or to you view things in 2-D, or cartoon like stuff?

I realize, as do the rest of us here, that's it's painfully difficult sometimes to put the sensations to words. But maybe if you can try to give us more information we would be more able to suggest whether it's DP/DR you suffer from.

p.s. I'm a big bloke too. And I'm scared sheet-less half the time........
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thankyou for your reply - and hello from the UK :D

I will list them - not from being terse but simply for ease of reading.

Difficult to concentrate - Even though I am quite intelligent.
Feeling of generally being 'out of it' - while the unpleasant affects of anxiety and depression are still painfully felt when things are bad.

Here is the strange thing - I do not think I have the linguistic abilty to describe this - indeed, if it is even possible to describe - but I will try.

I sometimes feel like I have 'six sense' or 'aura' - I will try and explain.

I get a sense of 'atmoshpere' or 'mood' with siutations - It's so hard to explain - but it happens most of the time. It just feels so weird - like I'm over percieiving things. E.g. the weather has a big affect on me - I especailly loathe the orange colour of that our streetlights turn the sky. It's awful to look at. I do not think this is S.A.D but something else - almost like exisiting on another plane or level - I hope this does not sound too ridiculous - I certainly do not consider myself special in that respect.

I wouldn't mind but I have no idea how 'normal' this is - sensing 'mood' or 'atmoshpere' when others don't.

The best way I can describe it is, imagine walking into a blues/jazz club. Picture it - the smoke, the darkness, the music, all come together to create an atmosphere. I get this most of the time (Although not the same)

Maybe some artists have it or something? It feels like another kind of perception. I guess if it didn't seem so damn strange and intruding it would be pleasant.

Again, I apologise for my rambling and give you my gratitude for reading and replying to my post.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi,

Have you a history of depression or anxiety or is this the first time you have felt this way? At the end of the day I dont think there are any doctors on this site so people can only talk from experience.

I can understand what you mean about this atmosphere, its a sort of haze that comes with a shift in perspective. Do you feel like the places you are can be overbearing and somehow the air around you is thick? You say you are percieving things all over the place, this is really really common in any anxiety state.

All I can say is that obviously you have to see a doctor but get a few opinions if you dont feel you are getting any better. I have friends that work in mental health and no matter what mess i have been in they always assure me that I am not mad but am ill.

As you said maddness is far far removed from what you are feeling. In the mean time try ro relax in this state and let things wash over you. If you fight to break free you get in deeper. You will get better, If your legs was broken you would wait for it to heal, patience and learning not to panic are the key unill you get the help you need.

Big up the UK, where you from in the UK?

Take it easy
Alan

Oh yea n family guy is the greatest cartoon ever!
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
AlanInTheUK said:
Hi,

Have you a history of depression or anxiety or is this the first time you have felt this way? At the end of the day I dont think there are any doctors on this site so people can only talk from experience.

I can understand what you mean about this atmosphere, its a sort of haze that comes with a shift in perspective. Do you feel like the places you are can be overbearing and somehow the air around you is thick? You say you are percieving things all over the place, this is really really common in any anxiety state.

All I can say is that obviously you have to see a doctor but get a few opinions if you dont feel you are getting any better. I have friends that work in mental health and no matter what mess i have been in they always assure me that I am not mad but am ill.

As you said maddness is far far removed from what you are feeling. In the mean time try ro relax in this state and let things wash over you. If you fight to break free you get in deeper. You will get better, If your legs was broken you would wait for it to heal, patience and learning not to panic are the key unill you get the help you need.

Big up the UK, where you from in the UK?

Take it easy
Alan
Thankyou Alan! I'm from Surrey - yourself?

I'm seeing a counsellor, that's me ?40 a week poorer :( Only 20 so not earning megabucks either. Only problem is, I get the feeling he is dubious of feeling depersonalised - it's only a guess - I see him tomorrow so I will explain - I would not wish this past week on anyone.

YES - it almost feels like a sort of muggyness sometimes - do you have this? Do you find it strange? My whole life it seemed like this 'extra sense'. Very strange, to me at least. How do you cope with it - if indeed, you feel the need to 'cope' with it.

Thankyou for your reassurance - I take it you too have suffered this?
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hi, Yea i get this strange atmospheric shift and a sort of opressive feelings. Theres no reason that your counsellor should be dubious about your feelings and any counsellor worth there salt should know about DP.

The way I cope umm well as I said just relaxing inside what you feel and not getting so stressed because I dont wake up the next day feeling fine. I dont know what you do but I channel my feelings into the things I love like music and writing.

Are you on medication? I take it if you are seeing a counsellor u have seen a GP?

Do you have any Idea why you think you may have begun feeling this way?

Always rationalise, a bit of reality testing is always good. Yes the place you are may feel different but its still there you are still there and you are not going insane.

Am 21 and live in sheffield but have lived all over the place, manchester and london.

Take it easy man

Alan
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Alan - I'm so, so glad you seem to understand my 'atmosphere/mood' feelings. Is this something you have had your whole life?

I have seen a GP, but came off the tablets back in September - I'd had enough of them, and to be honest I think i'd become immune. The effect they were having was negliable. I came off them while on holiday in Cornwall which was nice.

It feels like I've always had a 'problem' with my perception - but then, I'm not sure if this is just due to how I'm perceiving things at the moment!

I can certainly remember feling 'odd' from being young. Very hard describe though - I would approximate to a lonely sort of feeling, but more so - deeper, more to it than that. Almost like a sudden 'awareness of self'. (My councellers ords, not mine!)

There are definate reasons - very low self esteem, feelings of guilt, etc. Usual stuff. Doesn't make hem any easier to deal with. And I wish it was feelings of guilt I could realistically say to myself "What have you really got to feel guilty about?". Unfortunately the answer is "enough".
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well yea all my life but it comes and goes at different times. The feelings are common to many people but its when they get that bit more intense and persistant that fear and anxiety sets it. Just relax, general Dp/ anxiety/ depression pass so stronger cases of the above will pass with more time and healing.

The atmosphere thing is hyper sensitivity, this thing of DP is a nasty loop of depression + anxiety and DP round and round. Removing one of the elements seems to be key.

Take it easy man
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
AlanInTheUK said:
Well yea all my life but it comes and goes at different times. The feelings are common to many people but its when they get that bit more intense and persistant that fear and anxiety sets it. Just relax, general Dp/ anxiety/ depression pass so stronger cases of the above will pass with more time and healing.

The atmosphere thing is hyper sensitivity, this thing of DP is a nasty loop of depression + anxiety and DP round and round. Removing one of the elements seems to be key.

Take it easy man
Brilliant - I'm glad you said hypersensitvity as well, as I was nearly right by describing it (or trying too) to a close friend as 'hyper perception'.

Thanks Alan. How are you getting on? It's been a bit one sided so far, I'm sorry.
 
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
The fear about living with this forever is quite common. The thing about living a negative mental state is that your thoughts are automatically negative as well. it just comes with the package. I have found that acknowledging this helps when I am in a bad state. These thoughts seem convincing and they feel like they represent reality, but they don't.

Secondly, you feel as if you are so tramautized that you will never be able to come out without being disturbed? I felt like that too, but that's not reality either.The mind does an amazing job of blocking out the tramau's of life. I experienced horrific DP/DR for 2 years and I cannot even come close to remembering what it felt like. The mind is your friend in recovery :)
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Pure Narcotic said:
The fear about living with this forever is quite common. The thing about living a negative mental state is that your thoughts are automatically negative as well. it just comes with the package. I have found that acknowledging this helps when I am in a bad state. These thoughts seem convincing and they feel like they represent reality, but they don't.

Secondly, you feel as if you are so tramautized that you will never be able to come out without being disturbed? I felt like that too, but that's not reality either.The mind does an amazing job of blocking out the tramau's of life. I experienced horrific DP/DR for 2 years and I cannot even come close to remembering what it felt like. The mind is your friend in recovery :)
Thanks mate :) :) :)

It does seem very hard to imagine - I also find it impossible to make plans for the future at the moment - did you get that? All I see is greyness, old, death dying, etc. The usual stuff :roll: :(
 

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I used to go around the house switching lights on and off, not really knowing why, but they were bugging me, and the house felt different - I was trying to make it feel familiar again. Also, I have trouble adjusting to the lighter evenings when I'm dr'd - it's like I never get used it.

I used to ask people if they felt the same but they never understood it. It's weird, because it doesn't even occur to me when I am fully 'in my body' so to speak. It is like having altered perception/heightened sensitivity, like being too aware of your surroundings, despite being totally introspective at the same time. I often felt like I was suspended within time and space as opposed to being a fixed stable 'thing' that had total control over their environment.

I started noticing all this stuff after I had a weird episode after being in strobe lighting when I was 11, which looking back was probably dr, which then brought on panic attacks. I then developed panic disorder, and constantly checked my surroundings and monitored how I felt all the time. I came to the conclusion that anyone who spends that much time checking their environment is going to notice odd things. In reality, it was all part and parcel of the same thing. All symptoms of underlying issues rearing their ugly heads.

Welcome mrmole by the way. Im from Berks :wink:
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
g-funk said:
I used to go around the house switching lights on and off, not really knowing why, but they were bugging me, and the house felt different - I was trying to make it feel familiar again. Also, I have trouble adjusting to the lighter evenings when I'm dr'd - it's like I never get used it.

I used to ask people if they felt the same but they never understood it. It's weird, because it doesn't even occur to me when I am fully 'in my body' so to speak. It is like having altered perception/heightened sensitivity, like being too aware of your surroundings, despite being totally introspective at the same time. I often felt like I was suspended within time and space as opposed to being a fixed stable 'thing' that had total control over their environment.

I started noticing all this stuff after I had a weird episode after being in strobe lighting when I was 11, which looking back was probably dr, which then brought on panic attacks. I then developed panic disorder, and constantly checked my surroundings and monitored how I felt all the time. I came to the conclusion that anyone who spends that much time checking their environment is going to notice odd things. In reality, it was all part and parcel of the same thing. All symptoms of underlying issues rearing their ugly heads.

Welcome mrmole by the way. Im from Berks :wink:
Thanks man :)

I know exactly what you mean, about monitoring how you feel - but it gets to the point where I no longer know what I'm feeling - I just have thoughts, I have emotion but to my feelings are different.

Emotion - happy
Thoughts - "Ooh, a new car - great!"
Feeling - An all over feeling of...something.

I also get DP when very excited which is a good sign I guess.

By the way - I've found cranking up the music helps - The walls of my house are currently shaking to Gatecrasher Red :twisted: :D It helps me focus, I think.
 
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