I have forgotten completely what was wrong with me. U know.i have lived my life in total suffering.. And suddenly i rememberrd that my past is been very hellish. I really have needed help and everyhting but nothing can help something like this. Herrs been no change maybe for year now. I have been lived in total stilness. Its like hell. Its so painful. I will never get better. This state gonna last because heres nothing. I dont have depersonalization anymore because heres no symptoms. I dont even know if this is depressed because i cant heal it. This might be another hell. I have no control or self. I dont have sense of self. I dont have who i was. Its so bad. Heres no me anymore. I literally died. I died everywhere. Not just one place. And i cant trust people. They just do. They might be better. Much better. I dont trust that here will be anybody like me. Who is living in nightmare. Never can discripe this pain and confusion. Trauma which is unhealed. Which is 24/7 on. Well.. Im not choosing dead over this. I am alwayschoosing life. No matter what