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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Im very sleep deprived right now so forgive me if some of this makes no sense or is not consistent. Im honestly going crazy over this. Is the existential aspect of dpdr just how a mature adult thinks? Im young still and recently turned 22. I talk to everyone i know about these things and everyones had experiance with these thoughts. Thing is i feel like ive dwelled and thought about them so much, ive reached further levels that not many other people understand. This is also causing me great distress. Even when im not thinking existentially, ill find myself panicking and wonder why im panicking only to realize its cause my existential dread has just been running in the backround of my mind like a virus in a computer. I dont know or think its possible for it to leave anymore, espessially if its just inevitable to think this way as a mature human being. I just wish i could think the way i did a couple years ago. This shit makes it impossible for me to be at peace with living, it makes it impossible to enjoy things anymore and it makes it so so hard to ever get sleep and keeping a consistent sleep scedual is impossible. I constantly feel like im swimming around in my own head and nothing makes sense. Drugs and therapy dont really help existential problems appearently so i dont know how to cope with this. Everytime i think its gone, its simply me being distracted from it. I just want it gone. This may sound stupid but i feel like my brain has created its own trauma that i have ptsd from. Every experiance ive had with dpdr, marijuana, my loved ones death and the existential shit has all become some amalgamation in my mind of constant fear and worry of going back to any of those places. I really dont think the same, im a different person and life is different permanently and i just wish this trauma had never happened. I cant control my experiance of life no matter what i do i guess.
 

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I understand my friend, I've just turned 18, and I constantly question the nature of existence and how arbitrary it is, you may have a point.

I never had this before when I was younger, I never self-reflected - never thought a second about my existence.

Dogs don't do that, they're constantly happy 24/7 because they don't understand they exist, they just, exist.

You're the same person, you've just sort of woken up in a way. The best cure is a distraction, as these thoughts are basically pointless and lead nowhere.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I understand my friend, I've just turned 18, and I constantly question the nature of existence and how arbitrary it is, you may have a point.

I never had this before when I was younger, I never self-reflected - never thought a second about my existence.

Dogs don't do that, they're constantly happy 24/7 because they don't understand they exist, they just, exist.

You're the same person, you've just sort of woken up in a way. The best cure is a distraction, as these thoughts are basically pointless and lead nowhere.
Thank you for replying. I often wonder if normal people who dont have dpdr just have these thoughts and self awareness but simply arnt bothered by it or something...
Your right in saying they are pointless thoughts, ive even said that to others on here myself as advice, its just that whenever i get reminded of my mortality, i freak out and panic and then all those thoughts just explode and my depression usually kicks in for about a week after because of it.
I do feel like i am more myself like i was before dpdr but i feel like theres a whole new layer to me now, like a big scar that dpdr has left on me as theres still many things i feel because of dpdr that i had grown so used to in dpdr that its just part of my normal now if that makes sense...
 

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have you read up on Pure O OCD? I found out I had this because my mind tends to obsess about a certain topic that frightens me and It’ll be in my head all the time, which is distressing. I’ve had many obsessions including Exsistential OCD.
 

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have you read up on Pure O OCD? I found out I had this because my mind tends to obsess about a certain topic that frightens me and It'll be in my head all the time, which is distressing. I've had many obsessions including Exsistential OCD.
PURE OCD is a classic co morbid symptom of DP....They go hand in hand for lots of people...

This type of intrusive, obsessive "disturbing" thinking leads alot of DP sufferers to believe and and obsess about the fact that they have become psychotic or schizophrenic etc and possibly may start harming others for example.......

I myself dealt with this for many years and was very afraid to admit to doctors or psychiatrists etc for fear of being labelled insane and possibly being locked up for being crazy and dangerous to others......

Gotta love the dark ages of mental health care.....Gotta love the stigma attached to mental ill health....Gotta love the old school mentality of man up and dont show weakness or signs of being different........Very very sad...
 

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What used to scare me the most about my PURE OCD thinking patterns is that they often FELT as if they were not my own thoughts.....Hence I was left with the automatic terrifying assumptions that I had lost my mind or developed schizophrenia etc etc.......

Intrusive thinking like this tends to be so upsetting and frightening because it can feel almost like its coming from an external source...

It then often leads into obsessive existential thinking patterns....The classic one for me used to be that everything around me was all maybe a delusion and really I was locked up in a padded cell somewhere having totally lost my marbles and created an alternate reality...

Now that is seriously deep DP, PURE OCD, EXISTENTIAL style thinking at its best....

What ive learned all these years later (and I still live with it today) is that intrusive thinking like this is very disturbing but it is NOT dangerous....We are NOT going crazy and we are NOT going to act on any of it......In fact we generally tend to run in the opposite direction from it.......

Its another form of self preservation and a ritual coping mecahnism to help us deal with the dreaded anxiety we all on here have to deal with regularly......Think of it as washing your hands over and over but in a mental inside your head kind of way.....
 

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It's natural to question the existential aspects of life, but no it's not natural to have these thoughts at the surface of the mind indefinately. A healthy human brain should just be able consider something then move on and go about the day. It's your anxiety that makes it stick. I suffer greatly with existential anxiety. it's absolutely crippling and has basically stolen a year of my life. The thoughts come with such intensity and force im barely able to distract myself. And i know exactly how you feel when you say its like a virus running in the background.

The trick is to observe them as just thoughts, nomatter when they come try and not interact with them and over analyse them. Over time they do diminish
 

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Medications can have their place with existential anxiety like other types of anxiety. I've been on mirtazapine and olanzapine since august and they have helped calm the anxiety machinery running from 100% to 25% but admittedly the existential thoughts still remain
 
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