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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here I am again, still not recovered.I was wondering if someone else has the same symptoms cuz I cant find a topic that describes them or I am just going insane. I don have classic derealization and depersonalization( once had it), I don't feel out of body, neither is the world around me unreal,neither do I have existential big questions. My main symptom was 'stuck being alive', stuck being human, anc conscious all the time-like it is overwhelming, like some people describe it as 'hyperawareness of being alive, of existing', my mind can't comprehend what is that existence,it freaks me out. But it is not just that, for me, now the MOST uneblievable symptom is that the material world scares me. It is not unreal, it just doesn't make sense, I see a bottle and I can't comprehend what it is. Like 'seeing' is new to me, being human is new to me, material world makes NO SENSE! NONE! It freaks me out just existing and seeing and all the objects and air and space around me,nothign makes sense, like it is so fragmented in my mind and I feel very very stuck and claustrophobic in this consciousness. It is too deep, too weird. It is almost no longer DP I think,it's beyond that. I still have some dp symptoms like the time is strange, some flashbacks and unfamiliar sensations but they don't scare me because I know they are DP and so many people experience them, but I never found anyone who doesn't get the material world. It is not that unfamiliar dreamy feeling like in altered reality or dimension-NO, it's not like that,it's real but I just can't understand what i am seeing anymore, I am losing my mind.
 

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Hey, so I can kind of relate to this. That feeling of not being connected to the material world.. And, I do not think you have anything "worse" than DPDR.. I went through a period where money, jobs, etc. made absolutely no sense to me.. I would constantly ask myself why, why, why.. Why did humans create money, why is it natural to want a job.. Where do natural instincts come from.. I don't know if that is what you mean. But, I do feel like not being able to relate or understand the material world can be a symptom of DPDR.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, thank you for your quick response but I mean something else :/ Not the money,relationships, just the human experience, objects, seeing,hearing, air,space,everything. I am not disconnected like that 'bubble' feeling, I don't have that anymore. I just freak out waking up to a world, to a consciousness, to seeing, like seeing doesn't make sense to me. By material world I mean-everything you can see with your eyes-objects,colors,people,animals-makes no sense.
 

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Ok I hear you.. To me that still fits into DP. I have not experienced that exactly. But, have you had like a traumatic event lately? Or something that could have caused your mind to disconnect?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
No big traumatic events,it's just a very very severe case of anxiety disorder. I was doing better on meds, the feeling was so much better and was in the background but I stupidly stopped taking meds ( gradually) because of weight gain-effexor. I restarted it but it didn't work this time, so for the past several months I am trying every antidepressant possible-none of them works. Now I started milnacipran ( which is for fibromyalgia and depression) but its an SNRi so it is closest to Effexor and I am hoping it kicks in soon cuz it's madness. When I explain it to my psychiatrist ( but I am sure he doesn't quite get what I am describing) he thinks it's another kind of dissociation,just not the classic dp and that is due to my anxiety and nothing more. But I still think why does nobody else have this symptoms, can't be just me?
 

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I know what youre describing here all too well and thought it was me losing my mind.
At one point, I was questioning eating..I know why we eat etc, but I didnt "understand" it, same with driving, cars and so on.
At the very worst, I was havin a good time with a chick, thought back on it and was like "this makes no fkin sense".
It goes away, just try not to think, and to consciously shut down all thoughts as soon as you notice yourself thinkin about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
It doesn't go away, it's something stuck with me 24/7 not just a thought that pops up once in a while, it's a new way of viewing life. It has been with me for the past 2 years,so it's not something that goes away just like that.I can't consciously shut down the thoughts because it's not even thoughts anymore and it\s all the time,every second. It's not what people do-driving,eating-it's deeper than that, just existing is scary and makes no sense and as if I was blind all my life and now I open my eyes and see things for the first time-objects,people,everything, as if I just don't like seeing anymore, it's too much,everything in my field of vision makes no sense to me,color make no sense, objects make no sense, may be I am just not describing it properly cuz it's not what you two decribed :( Or as if i was an alien with another consciousness and was just put into a person's consciousness.
 

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I looked i up and perceptional abnormalities are connected to schizophrenia, but what they described is not what I have, I don't have delusions, neither do I have perceptional problems because what I described are sensations. Nothing is unreal, nothing is too far away or too close, nothing is dreamy like or detached,not even blurry, it's actually normal-no derealization. i see everything as a whole like I always have, I don't see objects separated like with some weird shades around them. I see everything perfectly fine,it's just that sensation, that feeling that as if it is new, like an overawareness of things. I will give you an example: people can't see air,so you can't notice it, but the sensation what I have is like I started 'noticing' the air ( but without actually seeing it)- it was just an example- I don't notice the air. I just started noticing how weird being a person,existing or seeing is. It feels unnatural to see,or to be here,or just to be..anything at all. It's like either my mind stopped processing information normally,or it started processing TOO MUCH, You can't see it in my behavior, I act normally,people don't find anything wrong in my behavior,neither does my psychiatrist. If I had schizo I would be diagnosed with it by now because I've been to several psychiatrists,actually. And my diagnose is an overactive mind caused by severe anxiety disorder and atypical ocd.Antidepressants suppressed this exact symptoms once, so it should not be psychosis. Or it is just some kind of a very abnormal and rare psychosis that most psychiatrists aren't aware of. I don't know anymore, I would like to hear your opinion on this 'perceptual shift abnormality' cuz I am a little confused here by what you mean by it.
 

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Hi, I think that your sensation comes just from severe anxiety and ocd kind of stuff just like your doctors said. I used to get the same sensations too (scared of existence itself and the world was too weird and overwhelming) without the DP dreamlike state. My doctor said it was just anxiety, because the amygdala region of my brain gets unbalanced and sets of this "alarms" where there's really no real danger. I think that if you manage to reduce the anxiety the feeling will slowly go away, mine did. Try to practice mindfulness and body scan meditations to teach yourself not to think too much and just be in the present moment.
 

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Hi sunshinita,

What you're experiencing is basic "shadow" projection - you identify with the "spirit" or "process" part of yourself and are alienated from your feeling, "body-self", which manifests as the material world seeming unreal.

In other words, the way to deal with this is basically to get in touch with your body, your senses, your feelings instead of analyzing everything. A good massage, yoga or anything which gets you in touch with your body or senses is good for you.
 

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It definitely sounds like dissociation (Just a newer form of DP personal to you)

DP can manifest itself in all shapes and forms...The common theme with it is how frightening and obsessive it is...

You will feel better in time!

I wish you well!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thank you a lot for all of the responses,it makes me feel like I am not alone. My dr also said that anxiety can come in many shapes and it also changes over time.So his opinion is that it is still dp/dr just in another form,because I am no longer scared of classic dp symptoms-which is true., because I know them all too well.
 

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All I was trying to say is that I was clarifying that you are talking about an *experience* and not "weird thoughts".
 

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Ok, you obviously didnt quite get what I mean by "it will go away". I mean that itll pass, like all other dpdr-symptoms when that time comes. Also, dr is quite famous for "makin the world seem strange", not just thoughts, but FEELINGS too. If youre worried about it, ,see a doc. I personally felt very weirdish in regards to external world after a massive panic attack.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I said I was on antidepressants so I obviously saw a doctor :D and keep seeing him. When I mean the world is strange it's not like derealization strange- it's real, it's not unreal or unfamiliar, just I don't know, only people who have this symptom will get it. When I had classic dp with feeling unreal and detached and someone was describing to me what I feel now, I won't get it either, so I don't blame people who don't get it. Because as I said it's not weird DR-kind of way-not at all.

It started with a panic attack too so I know it's anxiety but just a 'new ' type of dp/dr not the classic one with feeling unreal, it's actually TOO real.
 

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Hi Sunshinita,

It sounds like you have made a very big step in your recovery; You may no longer be DP'd but are dealing with making sense of all the DP logic you acquired and experienced; . I think as you continue to reconnect to yourself and your feelings more, the weird thoughts are going to lose their hold. Let the process unfold. Making sense of it all is part of one of the final recovery stages in my opinion; but the focus should be on your feelings and why you went there in the first place and not trying to reason out the weird thoughts. Self validation is a big deal with recovering!

Best of luck!
 

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Hi, I just had to create an account to tell you that I can relate to this so much! well, by default through the day I feel dettached from reality, but when I focus (or hell, even just look at) on something, be it a car, a table, anything material, my mind freaks out, like I'm not able to comprehend; When I'm chatting in person with someone and I stare at their face for longer than a minute I start to becoming incredibly aware of their body, the way they move, it looks like freakish 3D and I start to panic because I physically cannot comprehend how is it possible for that to exist, for the person to be there talking, for me to be observing that, my brain just cannot process the idea of the world existing. Smelling, seeing, touching anything is just too real for my brain. It's incredibly scary.

I don't know if that's what you feel, but I wanted to thank you for what you wrote, I felt less alone.
 
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