I think I cant think clearly. I think I cant concentrate. And I think that's how people like it.
My blood pressure is up. My stress is high. I feel negative and tense and depressed. I feel powerless and stupid and paranoid and highly frustrated.
I have been threatened and warned to stay in line and behave and contribute and not irritate or infuriate or distract anyone. My Mother distracted, and pressured and acted according to will and thoughtless decisions for my whole life... I am co-operating, trying my best... and trying to "do" well and get well. I am highly stressed, trying to "cope" with PTSD family rejection and autism... alone. I think trouble-makers and hypocrites should fess up... it's like a set up against the mentally ill. It's clear that I'm extremily wobbly and fragile right now, and that I'm trying my damned best... everyone here knows that I'm kind and very fragile. It's clear, that I am considered to be a Schizophrenic. I have been told to smarten up, and chill out numerous times. It is clear that my stress from abuse is monumental and that I have zero power.
I am a highly highly manipulated person... it is my allergy. I think that I am NOT ignoring anyone. But I often am absolutely IGNORED and completely voiceless as was the "want" of my family. I have deep rage. I dont pretend to be any better than anyone. I also have a heart condition.. and it's nearly christmas... What's the point of DEMANDING, AND DEMANDING AND THREATENING AND THREATENING me with banning and trying to control my behaviour if the deal doesn't go TWO WAYS this is wrong. This is abuse. This is deliberate manipulation and hatred. No-one here is serious about supporting anyone. This is a set up, this is manipulation and trying to make me devestated highly emotional trapped worthless and suicidal. This is hypocrisy and an attempt to induce voicelessness paranoia and a mental breakdown into a hysterical outburst and psychiatric ward admission. This is wrong. This is indulgent manipulation and wilfullness. It's crazy
I'd like to know the
REASON for putting me under extreme pressure (You know who you are).
Love always,
Ghost (I tried my best, but obviously you have a vested interest in mentally de-stabilising people)
