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Hello everyone,

The previous post by Joshua pretty much nails most of what I feel (I’m with you josh ❤). An overwhelming awareness of being alive and a draining energy of having to exist. Today I experienced the worst of my symptoms, work is an extremely stressful environment (my boss is my ex best friend 😬), it’s also dead most of the day, but getting paid to do nothing loses its charm when you have skills to put to use. The inner monologue/critic/shadow/Hyde was incessant, my eyes felt like they would zoom into whatever I locked my sight on, I had nothing positive or negative to say, and I felt numb for most of the day. It takes me a while to realize where I’m standing because I’ve returned from floating outside of my body. It’s never easy to maintain a steady mood for more than 2-3 days at a time. And the glorious kicker, no one has any idea of the inner turmoil I have. I have the greatest poker face. I’m also not on any medication and I’m seeing a therapist. Ive been through a lot of crap, but I have a tiny seed of hope I’ll get better one day, it’s just some days are harder than others. I self medicate with marijuana, everyday 🤘🏽and background, I work full time while raising my daughter who is on the spectrum and I’m also pursuing my bachelors degree.

Thankful to find a community of people who share this uncomfortability. The inner critic likes to isolate and make you think no one else understands you! To everyone who reads this, I’m with you, we got this! ❤
 
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