Recently I have hit a bit of a bumpy road with depersonalisation and depression, where I've hidden myself away in my room with the lights off, I've had moments of weakness after a month of trying to pull myself back together, recently I have been lying a lot to get people to go away and stop asking me if I'm okay, when Im DP It makes it worse when people ask about it. then I have had a week of a constant low, feeling like I didn't matter, no one need's me around. which led me to three days ago where I was invited round a friends house, and I lied and made up excuses why I couldn't go. I hate my friends worrying about me, they shouldn't. this was due to feeling depersonalised and depressed at the same time, I kept the lie up, and kept lying to my friends when they ask me if I'm okay. today I thought I owed them an explanation and I really hurt them, & my DP kicked as soon as she said she was hurt. I just feel so guilty , but I guess it's helped note another trigger for my DP.
sorry about the whininess of this blog.
I have found that being dishonest can lead me to feeling guilty which can then lead me to worry about the consequences of my dishonesty which in turn heightens my DP...
So i try to be as honest as possible...
Gingy45 i know where your at as regards isolating yourself...When im feeling badly DPed and anxious and depressed i just wanna avoid people...Mostly because i feel like they dont understand and also that they cant help anyway...I also often feel like a burden on others so i isolate myself so as not to be a burden....
Most people who suffer with their mental health will tell you that when they are not feeling well they just wanna be left alone....Theres almost a kind of comfort in isolation for us...But honestly its not good for us...We need to interact with others to break the chain of lonliness we often feel.....
I Agree with you there, my problem is that I constantly torture myself and deprive myself of other's comfort, I see this in retrospect to these moods, I honestly feel very alone most of the time, in fact it's what caused my depersonalisation, no idea why I am depressed (been suffering depression for as long as I can remember) and as the saying goes, honesty is the best policy, just saddening I only recognise this in retrospective.
Yeah that's one of my key problems, I'm quite inward thinking, keeping focusing on whats wrong with me, thinking I am a problem and I am a burden, am I walking to weird, thinking to weird, rather than letting others down for something I think.
if there's any way to stop focusing on how you feel so much and start focusing on other's needs , do this.
Thinking outwardly is easier with a natural attraction. Find anything that attracts your attention even in the smallest way. Even if it's for a few moments, that's a start. Yell at the TV news, feed some birds, wax only the hood of your car, find a forum to write on, find a local event (music concert, movie, etc...) and formally arrange your attendance. There is something that YOU are WIRED to do and you can only find it by trying.
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