G
Guest
·A significant part of my tendency toward feelings of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and depersonalisation, I believe is do to a very low frustration tolerance.
There have been many times in my life when I have begun a project or course of study and when I was confronted with some difficulty I would simply quit. It is as if I don't know how to endure the feelings of helplessness and confusion and had no internal resource within me where I could turn. It is as though I often lack the ability to put things in perspective, either over react or just give up. If I over react I generally end up quitting anyway.
I experience very little pleasure from my association with the outer world and at best I can sometimes achieve a kind of level of neutrality where pain and pleasure sort of equalize each other. But the experience of satisfaction from my relationship to things or people in the outer world is something I rarely experience.
It is as though since I lack the "character strength" to endure through the feelings of anxiety and depression of the stress provoking period of frustration in any given involvement I find myself doing less and less in daily life, and my life continues to shrink till all I really have anymore is my own inner world.
I don't really feel that I have a "medicaL" problem, as it feels like more of an "moral" or philosophical/psychological problem. I mean is there a drug that one can take that will give one the "will" to do the "needful?"
My life has come to revolve around strategies for the avoidance of pain rather than dreams or plans for future pleasure and self esteem building satisfaction.
Even on a sexual level I have come to prefer self pleasuring and fantasy to involvement with another person. But truthfully I have always felt that way even during my more sexually active younger years and as a child.
It used to be believed that childhood masturbation weakened ones "character" perhaps they were on to something.
I am beginning to loose the train of my original thought, (something that often accounts for my relatively infrequent posts) but I guess what I was wondering was whether or not, and to what extent you folks feel that your feelings of Depersonalization/Derealization might be a "moral" or "character" issue rather than a medical problem? I know that such a question may not be regarded as "politically incorrect" in some circles, but there you have it anyway.
Perhaps my personal concern with the "moral" or "characterlogical" approach is simply reflective of what Janine was saying the other day to me about living with an inherent sense of shame, what I referred to as a feeling of irrational over whelming guilt like one might experience from violating a strong taboo, like incest, or even incest fantasies about ones mother or father or ones own children.
Anyway, I know that guilt has often been associated with depression and depersonalization has often been regarded as a symptom of depression. For me I feel my periods of DP are more connected with depression than with a mal functioning flight or fight mechanism like some posters suggest. As I have said elsewhere I may be depressed but I don't feel particulalarly sad and I have achieved a sort of homeo stasis where i don't feel depersonalized at this time. I might be williing to try an anti depressant if i was in custodial care soemwhere as i am am afraid to take any anti depressants for fear they will make me become unhinged or something and throw me into a state of horrific DP like anti psychotic meds once did to me. Also I am getting to that age where I am afraid if I became too frightened or confused I might have a stroke or something.
sincerely
john
There have been many times in my life when I have begun a project or course of study and when I was confronted with some difficulty I would simply quit. It is as if I don't know how to endure the feelings of helplessness and confusion and had no internal resource within me where I could turn. It is as though I often lack the ability to put things in perspective, either over react or just give up. If I over react I generally end up quitting anyway.
I experience very little pleasure from my association with the outer world and at best I can sometimes achieve a kind of level of neutrality where pain and pleasure sort of equalize each other. But the experience of satisfaction from my relationship to things or people in the outer world is something I rarely experience.
It is as though since I lack the "character strength" to endure through the feelings of anxiety and depression of the stress provoking period of frustration in any given involvement I find myself doing less and less in daily life, and my life continues to shrink till all I really have anymore is my own inner world.
I don't really feel that I have a "medicaL" problem, as it feels like more of an "moral" or philosophical/psychological problem. I mean is there a drug that one can take that will give one the "will" to do the "needful?"
My life has come to revolve around strategies for the avoidance of pain rather than dreams or plans for future pleasure and self esteem building satisfaction.
Even on a sexual level I have come to prefer self pleasuring and fantasy to involvement with another person. But truthfully I have always felt that way even during my more sexually active younger years and as a child.
It used to be believed that childhood masturbation weakened ones "character" perhaps they were on to something.
I am beginning to loose the train of my original thought, (something that often accounts for my relatively infrequent posts) but I guess what I was wondering was whether or not, and to what extent you folks feel that your feelings of Depersonalization/Derealization might be a "moral" or "character" issue rather than a medical problem? I know that such a question may not be regarded as "politically incorrect" in some circles, but there you have it anyway.
Perhaps my personal concern with the "moral" or "characterlogical" approach is simply reflective of what Janine was saying the other day to me about living with an inherent sense of shame, what I referred to as a feeling of irrational over whelming guilt like one might experience from violating a strong taboo, like incest, or even incest fantasies about ones mother or father or ones own children.
Anyway, I know that guilt has often been associated with depression and depersonalization has often been regarded as a symptom of depression. For me I feel my periods of DP are more connected with depression than with a mal functioning flight or fight mechanism like some posters suggest. As I have said elsewhere I may be depressed but I don't feel particulalarly sad and I have achieved a sort of homeo stasis where i don't feel depersonalized at this time. I might be williing to try an anti depressant if i was in custodial care soemwhere as i am am afraid to take any anti depressants for fear they will make me become unhinged or something and throw me into a state of horrific DP like anti psychotic meds once did to me. Also I am getting to that age where I am afraid if I became too frightened or confused I might have a stroke or something.
sincerely
john
