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I am still having problems eating. It's getting a lot worse.
I used to atleast feel hungry but now my stomach doesn't even growl after three days of no food!
It's bothering me. Mainly because I've been quite happy with the way things have been going lately.
I tried forcing myself to eat yesterday, and I broke out in to sweats and puked it up.
I am not self conscious when it comes to my weight or anything.
So, why is life good?
I'm in what I would think is a serious relationship. It is the only healthy one I've had.
I am completely comfortable in my own skin around him.
Also am a little happier when I do coke. Not a good thing, but it isn't a habit or anything as I don't do it often.
I haven't been drinking as much unless I go to a bar. I don't party anymore, which I suppose is a good thing.
I am still not able to have much fun going out with out alcohol yet. I'm working on it though.
I think my mind is just fucked up right now. Maybe I am just confused with all the emotions running through my head.
I've basically forgotten the whole sexual abuse situation from last summer. I can't say I've forgotten about it but even when I get sick from drinking, it doesn't come to mind. I'm having less nightmares about him, which is great. It's just when I see him on the street (he lives a street away) I kind of want to kick the stupid old man in the face.
Not sure why I'm doing this! I'm a little inspired to get my thoughts out. I haven't done it in a while which is actually making it hard to locate them.
I over dosed a couple of weeks ago. I was awefully depressed and I was pissed off, so for some reason I went to my old anti-anxiety medication. I regret it. I have come to the conclusion that I am invinsible. I've overdosed probably three dozen times, and never had to go to the hospital. I'd be extremely ill for a few days, but that's about it. Which felt a lot worse than death, I'm sure.
This may be weird to say, but it doesn't feel like me typing this. It's not that I feel numb. I just feel like my brain has been taken over by someone else. I'm starting to get to know this person. I'm not sure if I like her.

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Jun 30 2011 04:04 AM

That looks like some really good coffee.

I would lend you my steel toed boots to kick that stupid old man in the face.
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