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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well hey. This is going to be my first and last thread, because i know this forum will get me stuck in this anxiety/dpdr hell.
I'm a 14 year old boy. I hope you don't see me as a depressed teenage girl crying for no reason, but a young man in a living hell.

My life was so perfect, damn.
I hit puberty. Got a lot of new friends. Everything in school was working perfectly, my parents were living separately, but it was working fine.
7 months ago my dad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer and had a huge brain tumor from the cancer. He took a risk by doing a brain surgery and i think you know the rest....

Two first months were terrible... well i was grieving like you would normally and it wasn't fun. Then the two other months were ALOT easier, i found relieve on "celebrities" who had also lost their father or mother at a young age. Every time i would get sad, i would think: "remember that this guy also went through the same" and then it would just kinda run out.

Then i smoked weed for the first time in my life. There was some little pressure, but i was really just curious and interested. At the time i did it, i was at a point where my grief already seemed far away. I was not happy. Not sad. Just... bah
It was so strong. fuck. First feeling of derealization in my life. When i look back in retrospect, it was like another dimension. Another world. You can't explain really.... I panicked the first 30 minutes. Probably had my first panic attack ever. My friends told me it was just first time nervousness and i actually managed to enjoy the rest, though i was fucking frightened in some kind of way.
I came down from the high, slept at one of my friends and it was a fine experience in general.

Two days after, i suddenly felt totally high. Everything was going in pictures. Like an old movie. Of course i got another panic attack, but i now knew what it was and how to control just a little.

Since that, my life has been a fucking hell. I don't get panic attacks every day or something like that, in fact i may be have one every third week or something like that. But my derealization is there 24/7 and when i panic, it's depersonalization. My grief, well i can't feel it anymore.

So here are some questions:
Is this just anxiety?
What do you think of the whole situation?
What can i do?
Can i overcome this or will i have this for years?
What about the whole grief thing?
Can therapy help me?

I'm very happy if you read this. Thanks a lot. Please help me man...

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I had a similar expirence I have had Depersonalisation and Derealisation basically my whole life but it wasn't nearly bad until I decided to try this new drug called spice (similar to marijuana.) I did a little n got just a little buz but it felt good, so I did more and more and I ended up accidentally ODing it and ended up freaking out, I had the worst panic attack of my life I thought I was having a heart attack, The trip was soo bad I hallucinated the devil coming for me and my only way out would be if I died... So that night I attempted suicide. Good thing my friends stoped me before the cops showed up but ever since then I been suffering sereverly from Depersonalisation and Derealisation, now totaling 12 years and I'm only 16. I've left school several times not being able to sit still under flouresent lights for they trigger my dream like trance and my anxiety spikes.

I do believe you have some form of DP or DR, which stressfull situations tend to trigger it at random times. You should also speek to a doctor who specializes in treatment of anxiety, medications help allot they'll give you pills to take when you DP or DR is too much to Handel. Therapy works for allot of people when added to the medications and others just don't like therapy and prefer just medications. You can overcome it, your results you get out will be with how much work you are willing to put in to help yourself. Stay positive and good luck buddy you can do it, I have faith in you
any more questions just message me.
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