Well hey. This is going to be my first and last thread, because i know this forum will get me stuck in this anxiety/dpdr hell.
I'm a 14 year old boy. I hope you don't see me as a depressed teenage girl crying for no reason, but a young man in a living hell.
My life was so perfect, damn.
I hit puberty. Got a lot of new friends. Everything in school was working perfectly, my parents were living separately, but it was working fine.
7 months ago my dad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer and had a huge brain tumor from the cancer. He took a risk by doing a brain surgery and i think you know the rest....
Two first months were terrible... well i was grieving like you would normally and it wasn't fun. Then the two other months were ALOT easier, i found relieve on "celebrities" who had also lost their father or mother at a young age. Every time i would get sad, i would think: "remember that this guy also went through the same" and then it would just kinda run out.
Then i smoked weed for the first time in my life. There was some little pressure, but i was really just curious and interested. At the time i did it, i was at a point where my grief already seemed far away. I was not happy. Not sad. Just... bah
It was so strong. fuck. First feeling of derealization in my life. When i look back in retrospect, it was like another dimension. Another world. You can't explain really.... I panicked the first 30 minutes. Probably had my first panic attack ever. My friends told me it was just first time nervousness and i actually managed to enjoy the rest, though i was fucking frightened in some kind of way.
I came down from the high, slept at one of my friends and it was a fine experience in general.
Two days after, i suddenly felt totally high. Everything was going in pictures. Like an old movie. Of course i got another panic attack, but i now knew what it was and how to control just a little.
Since that, my life has been a fucking hell. I don't get panic attacks every day or something like that, in fact i may be have one every third week or something like that. But my derealization is there 24/7 and when i panic, it's depersonalization. My grief, well i can't feel it anymore.
So here are some questions:
Is this just anxiety?
What do you think of the whole situation?
What can i do?
Can i overcome this or will i have this for years?
What about the whole grief thing?
Can therapy help me?
I'm very happy if you read this. Thanks a lot. Please help me man...
I'm a 14 year old boy. I hope you don't see me as a depressed teenage girl crying for no reason, but a young man in a living hell.
My life was so perfect, damn.
I hit puberty. Got a lot of new friends. Everything in school was working perfectly, my parents were living separately, but it was working fine.
7 months ago my dad was diagnosed with melanoma cancer and had a huge brain tumor from the cancer. He took a risk by doing a brain surgery and i think you know the rest....
Two first months were terrible... well i was grieving like you would normally and it wasn't fun. Then the two other months were ALOT easier, i found relieve on "celebrities" who had also lost their father or mother at a young age. Every time i would get sad, i would think: "remember that this guy also went through the same" and then it would just kinda run out.
Then i smoked weed for the first time in my life. There was some little pressure, but i was really just curious and interested. At the time i did it, i was at a point where my grief already seemed far away. I was not happy. Not sad. Just... bah
It was so strong. fuck. First feeling of derealization in my life. When i look back in retrospect, it was like another dimension. Another world. You can't explain really.... I panicked the first 30 minutes. Probably had my first panic attack ever. My friends told me it was just first time nervousness and i actually managed to enjoy the rest, though i was fucking frightened in some kind of way.
I came down from the high, slept at one of my friends and it was a fine experience in general.
Two days after, i suddenly felt totally high. Everything was going in pictures. Like an old movie. Of course i got another panic attack, but i now knew what it was and how to control just a little.
Since that, my life has been a fucking hell. I don't get panic attacks every day or something like that, in fact i may be have one every third week or something like that. But my derealization is there 24/7 and when i panic, it's depersonalization. My grief, well i can't feel it anymore.
So here are some questions:
Is this just anxiety?
What do you think of the whole situation?
What can i do?
Can i overcome this or will i have this for years?
What about the whole grief thing?
Can therapy help me?
I'm very happy if you read this. Thanks a lot. Please help me man...
