[Shayshay]

I've been struggling with chronic DP/DR for 3 months now.

Mine came about after a horrible freak reaction to an SSRI. I have psychological trauma from it. I had a full blown mental breakdown (almost a psychotic break) from it.

Right after this, I developed a severe form of Pure O, the pure obsessional form of OCD. Which led me to start questioning everything that happened to me. Am I going crazy? Is this schizophrenia? Do I actually want to act on these sudden violent intrusive thoughts I am having? If I do want to act on them does that mean I can't trust myself? What will I do when I'm alone? Did the medication cause brain damage? Am I going to be like this forever? Etc etc etc.

I have been on a continuous hamster wheel of questioning and researching what happened to me. It's been a complete rollercoaster of panic attacks, suicidal depression, aggressive OCD, and extreme DP/DR/dissociation.

Over the last three weeks I have completely lost my sense of self. Has this happened to anyone else?

It's like all of my emotional memory is gone. Factually I can tell you anything about my life. But something is OFF. I look at myself or at my boyfriend or my mom and have this overwhelming sense that I have no idea who they or I am. All of my emotional remembrance of the significance of people is GONE. Even my cats, I feel like I don't recognize my fucking cats.

My symptoms below:

- don't recognize myself in the mirror
- don't recognize the people I love like I used to
- EVERYTHING is unfamiliar
- my voice startles me every time I speak because I feel like I don't know who is speaking
- nothing feels real - I feel like I am on a fast paced loop of a bad bad dream
- my brain doesn't recognize my limbs sometimes
- I have horrible racing racing racing thoughts
- I feel like my body isn't my own body
- feel like my body and mind are completely detached
- I feel like I am going to lose my mind (have felt this way for months)
- feel like I can't trust myself because I don't know who I am, OR I don't know who I am because I don't trust myself? (Riddle me that..)

Anyways I'm all fucked up. I could've gotten the DR from a really bad panic attack after I smoked weed in December 2016, because I remember mild bouts of thinking things weren't real. But the SSRI experience threw me into trauma overload. And now I can't get out of this DP. And I'm terrified to take any other medication obviously...

If anyone else has a similar experience please help!!!! <3

 

[surf]

There have been several people whose stories I've read in which a SSRI triggered the onset of their DP/DR. Also countless people whose DP/DR was triggered by other substances; weed, lsd, psilocybin, to name a few. It's common on this forum to hear of people describing similar to your experience... experiencing anxiety or a panic attack after taking a substance and it triggering DP/DR. It seems to happen for whatever reason. I wouldn't imagine that you have brain damage from taking the medication. It's common that a lot of us have thought "am I schizophrenic? do i have brain damage?" In most cases that's not true. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, as I imagine a lot of other people on this forum can as well. Being that you have anxiety and are worried about trying other medications, one thing you could try is a small dose such as .25 mg of Klonopin and see how that makes you feel. Klonopin is a benzodiazepine (anti-anxiety). I'd say it's one of the more popular, liked, medications reported on this forum. Though personally I haven't found any medication that has helped with my DP/DR. Welcome to the forum and I hope you are able to find some help and relief from your symptoms.

 

[allison84]

Hi so sorry your so freaked out .
I can completely understand how terrified you are right now , every symptom you wrote i have had at the very beginning of my dp journey.
When i first got dp omg i thought wtf is wrong with me .
I remember walking home and everything and everyone seemed unfamiliar and strange , my body didn't seem like mine and my vision was foggy .
That period when it first hits is the most scary bullshit hell anyone could feel .
As hard as it is the best advice i can give is what i found helped is to continue living like normal . Meet with friends go to work and live like usual, when i first got dp when i didnt know wjat it was i layed around my house all day doing nothing and was in a massive bubble of anxiety. I honesty thought i had gone nuts .

I also have ocd so i get how dame hard it is to just get on with it but you have to

Have you tried cognitive behavior therapy ? It does work im back into it atm.

Pm me if you ever want to chat .☺