[Guest]

I wondered if anyone can help me.

When I am not mentally active, like if I sit to watch TV or lie down to go to sleep, my mind always switches to dp/dr.
I try to ignore it but cant stop analysing it and then something weird happens in my mind. It seems to go numb, like it refuses to think about it any more, I start to feel nauseas and panicky and my mind feels hollow.

This terrifies me.

Also I feel as if there is another place somewhere that mind mind is being drawn to. I cant see this place but I can feel its there.
My thoughts seem to belong to someone else and mind feels so confused.

Are all these feelings part of dp/dr or is something else going on.
I feel as if Im the only person in the world. Totally disconnected from everything. Its a living hell.

Please advise me as to whats happening to me.

Jude

 

[Guest]

I know exactly what you mean, in fact I think you did a better job of describing it than me.

Try playing a game on the PC or something, it might help.

 

[Guest]

It's one of the central experiences for DP people who are also highly obsessive and tend towards delusional ideas. I know precisely what you're describing - I had that ALOT.

Basically, this is what is happening to your poor mind: it's turning inward on itself. The constant self-monitoring and obsessing eventually lure you deeper and deeper in SEACH OF what feels like real awareness, or some Truth.

The lie is that those thoughts are really luring you towards Nothingness, not some ultimate truth.

The more we watch ourselves watching ourselves while we watch, the less meaning anything has.

The more we question the question within the question, the faster we annihilate the meaning of any question.

The more we turn away from sensory reality (sight, touch, etc.) in search of some cognitive "understanding" or truth, the faster we lose the ability to find meaning in ANYthing.

Your obsessive thoughts are, in short, destroying meaning.

It's like a picture within a picture within a picture - after enough times, the mind starts to deny the existence of any picture at all.

A self cannot FIND itself by looking deeper and deeper inside. We find meaning and reality and identity by looking OUTward. We find "self" by not looking for it. The harder we look, the faster we implode the idea of any self existing at all.

You'll believe me, or you won't lol....most people need to torture themselves this way for years, before realizing it does not work. it will NEVER work. FORCE yourself to invest some energy OUTward, constantly. And resist what feels like pending insight. it's a lie. It's only trying to obliterate all meaning, not offer you the answer.

Peace,
Janine

 

[Guest]

Hey, I can understand where you're coming from and all the delusions do is try to attract your attention or like lure you more inward which is destructive to our meaning. As long as you know the right wavelength of what you should be thinking, you can work through it. Some of mine is DP/DR related and it's like there's a fucking echo going round and round kinda thing..... stay strong and keep routine

 

[laserdog]

Janine....

are you toyally dp/dr free now?...

if so does reading and talking about DP on here not bring it back?

 

[Guest]

Janine,

The idea of the picture within a picture.... it's so true... even of we don't want to think this way, we do!!!

I do this and I feel so horrible. I realize after trying to analyze why I feel this way, that it doesn't change anything.

But focusing outward is like so frustrating, when you don't have results, just more fear! Sometimes I even get nausea just to acting normally even if I am so DR.

Example ; yesterday I went for a ride in bike, alone. I KNOW it's horrific when I do this alone, and in the nature, dr seem worse, I am really in a bad dream. And I try to look okay to others.,. well, I did it, I forced myself to go out, I endured the derealization who sabotaged my day, a bright sunny day, I tried to focus on the action in itself, and before, I was focusing on the nature.... I can't do this anymore.... looking at the nature make me realize (or think) it's never gonna be okay like before, that derealization is there to stay. And if I was innocent, I didn't think of that. But I am self-conscious enough to realize that I have a big problem that doesn't resolve since 2 years, and that makes me fearful of living. I have difficulty to think of my life WITH dp (especially dr). I know it"s like a chronic condition, but I can't accept that like that.

The only think I think is to escape from the fear for a few hours, like takng something to calm me. I hate the fact that it never goes away, and at the end of the day, when I do all normally, the only thing that happens is that I became always suddenly more and more disconnected, very very tired, sad and it's like dp/dr become a fear in my mind. Like something that I can't forget.

Anyway, I truly understand Janine what you are saying, but man, it's hard to do!!

Sorry for my English

Allure :shock:

 

[Guest]

"A self cannot FIND itself by looking deeper and deeper inside. We find meaning and reality and identity by looking OUTward. We find "self" by not looking for it. The harder we look, the faster we implode the idea of any self existing at all." -Janine

Do you mean by looking outward that we must force ourselves to interact with things outside of us like other people or things? I can relate to many of you. I get so panicked when I am in the midst of really terrible dp/dr that it takes almost all of my effort to even say one word to someone. I also experience a lot of nausea, as some of you have noted, and it is hard to move around. I feel so sick inside of my body, that the last thing I want to do is reach out to anyone. My only hope is to lay down in bed and hope to receive relief after I wake up.

 

[Ben]

britters,

I think Janine hit on the head with that little excerpt of yours. I got out of the depersonalization stuff a couple years ago and got much, much better - it was about that time that I began to realize that trying to analyze yourself, deeply, was like trying to bite your own teeth. The mind not only is defined as that which thinks - but is responsible for the definition.

We continuously run ourselves up against the boundaries of the human psyche - and it pisses us off (and freaks us out) to no end that we have "hit something" that we can't explain psychologically. Kind of like running into something in the dark - while some simply say "eh, whatever" - we start imagining all kinds of wacked out things.

The universe is bizarre.