[Guest]

Hi. I rarely post on here but I had a rough nite with DP/DR symptoms and wanted to know if some people had some commonalities with these feelings. The feelings are:
* Like I'm sitting inside my body watching myself
* Like I'm a robot
* Like I've lost my identity
Basically these feelings build when I start to question my existence. I start to wonder where "here" is and who this "person" is. And all of a sudden it starts to compound. It will feel like I don't recognize anything, my family, my dog, but at the same time recognize them. As if there's nothing inside of the shell of my body.

My question is two-fold: (1) do you think DP/DR is tied heavily into one's sense of self, identity, and worth; and (2) how do you stop the DP/DR from spiraling into hell when it starts (i.e. what have you guys found that works)? For example, with my OCD, I just immediately refocus away from the compulsion for my current obsession. But when DP/DR starts, anxiety spirals and I haven't found a way to stop it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Hope this message finds everyone on here well!

JR

 

[Milan]

The more you try to find your identify the more it starts to slip from your grip. That feeling that your just the observer watching your body and mind unfolding in reality is so scary. Everything and I mean everything becomes different, alien, bizarre, strange, confusing and incomprehensible. All concepts of reality start to fade and that rush of raw fear that hits every fibre of your being is like nothing your normal self could ever fathom and yet your having this hellish experience.

I find when I have these bad hits I immediately start pacing and taking deep slow breaths and start muttering to my self 'it will be alright, it will pass'. But when the feeling is too intense I generally have to ride the feeling until it passes. What sort of helps is to focus all your attention away from the feelings and the sensations. Trying to make your mind just go blank so that you do not fuel the fear anymore. If I were to think that I'm going to lose it the feeling will only compound. Unfortunately every time it hits hard it feels almost as bad as the first time. What you got to do is get in the habit of stopping those thoughts that trigger the episodes as soon as your awareness detects them. In my mind I order STOP! to my self and try to think of something else. It helps when the fear is not so strong but when it gets intense you will still feel the fear but you won't fuel it. I didn't really say much but I hope it helps a little.

 

[yesemina]

I have been having issues with this same thing. My entire DP/DR experience was TRIGGERED by meditation, which for me was the deliberate action of trying to tune in to a higher state of awareness. So for me, that had everything to do with my identity and trying to figure myself out and my relationship to the world.

Meditating that much, eventually I got to a point where it was a constant out-of-body experience, my brain wasn't even working the same way - it was hard for me to get thoughts out or something like that, and I was constantly in some other world. My senses were very much heightened as long as I was meditating that much, and I was in states where I could FEEL people walking around me, and while meditating i could eventually fall into a sleep-like state while I was awake.

A lot of times I would get to states where I would look at myself in the mirror and my body was almost foreign to me, like my spirit was really somewhere else. But I always thought this was good, and a constant source of learning more from a state of higher awareness.

So, I didn't have a problem with all of this until I started getting anxious about it - and I always sort of was the anxious type (what if this, what if that), and the state of being the meditation brought me to became too much for me to handle. But now I'm really curious as to what is really going on with the whole DP/DR thing.

 

[Milan]

I too got it from meditation. Read my story 'My Reality' in the personal story board.

 

[Sojourner]

But the activity itself is normal; we just distort it, just like we distort everything else when we are anxious.

Contemplating life's mysteries makes us richer people; letting life's mysteries frighten us makes us slaves to our fear -- and by our own choice.

Nobody is DOING this to us; we do it ourselves.

So the way out is....

 

[bright23]

"But now I'm really curious as to what is really going on with the whole DP/DR thing."

Very curious indeed.

I think about it far less now since its been so many years since my last episode, but I live a very different life than I might have had I not experienced DP.

I was practicing taoist meditation along with marijuana preceding my first DP. Eleven years ago. Back then I was an intelligent but emotionally distraught and drunk college dropout.

Now I'm DP symtom free, a carpenter, music composer, visual artist, advanced yoga practicioner, lover, reader, free spirit. I love life and everyone in it. And life is often a PAIN IN THE ASS. And I screw up a lot and hurt people. That's called LIFE.

But I'm out there doing things in this world. I'm not sitting on a couch, stoned and writing in my journal about my direct experiences of the void. That's all over finally. Now's the time for action.

 

[Sojourner]

Hey, bright,

What kind of music do you play/compose? I do a little myself.

Soj

 

[bright23]

rock... in a brian eno/sonic youth kind of way...

 

[Milan]

Seems to be a lot of musical people on this board. Why don't we upload some of our music or performances some place where we can hear each others talents. Any takers?

When playing solo I play flamenco/classical guitar. In a band I usually play bass. I'll try to record something in near future and post it as a mp3 file.

 

[Sojourner]

Well, if you want to hear my amateurish improvisations, go to:

http://www.granatedit.com/template.mp3 (a J.S. Bach-like thing)

http://www.granatedit.com/043005.mp3 (sort of jazz/rock -- I know some of the chords will drive you nuts -- I'm still learning)

 

[Milan]

Sounds good. I'm no key board player but I have a couple of comments. It seems your have good technical dexterity and a great feel for dynamics which is fantastic! The only thing I can hear that needs some work is the timing. Do you ever practise with a metronome? By playing slowly with a metronome you get the feel of the accents on the proper beats which will improve your playing tremendously. Instead of sounding amateurish, as you put it, it will sound more professional with the timing all polished up. Just a thought :wink: .

 

[Sojourner]

Yeah, Milan, I hear you. I suppose you're talking about the jazz/rock one, right? Well, both have timing problems. That was Take 1 for each of those into notation software and I confess I sped them up a bit. The note values were so small that fixing the timing just wasn't possible for me, because I'm just using PrintMusic 2004, not the full Finale.

But I hear you. Thanks very much for your kind words. ; ) They are several months old, too. I have been playing more than recording lately, and I'm due for a lesson, too.

I suppose I could clean them up in PrintMusic, but it's so tedious and I'm afraid I'm going to botch it by dropping a "good" note. Maybe... hmmm, maybe I should just print them out and record them again with better timing. Well, then they wouldn't be improvs any more. Tee hee.

 

[yesemina]

I too got it from meditation. Read my story 'My Reality' in the personal story board.

I read and replied. Very interesting I might add, and I am still amazed at how much I identify with people on this board.

I love to play music as well - I've been playing the flute and piano for years. Classically trained, although trying to get into a celtic band with the flute. Maybe.

I like to play the mandolin as well but I'm not all that great at it, at all.