[M A R S]

Right now i feel like I'm crazy, I'm lost and about to just become mute or dead. I have been awake for about 20 hours.

I have been sitting in my room and obsessing over everything. I feel like i'm not real and i'm about to go crazy.

I just don't know what i'm doing any more. I Feel like i need to run away. IM CRAZY.

I feel alone and lost. I feel like i cant see. I'm terrified to go to sleep.

I feel like I'm in hyper reality, watching my self from a far. IM FREAKING OUT.

What do some of you do to get past a time like this? I don't have any fast acting meds like xanax or ativan, so im on my own.

 

[Guest]

Good morning spaceplexx,
I hope you were able to get some sleep. I have no great words of advice at this point except to give you the assurance that I am right there with you. I have often thought that if I just close my eyes and give up I will somehow disappear and it will be over with but something is making me hang on. I still get up every morning and go through the same routine of getting dressed and going to work. I still manage to have conversations with my family although it doesn't even feel like it is me who is talking. Truthfully, I don't even now who me is or if there ever was a me. Hang in there.
Kate

 

[M A R S]

thanks..

 

[moonDust]

talk to someone
force yourself to read a book on the bed
take Xanax or something

 

[Martinelv]

Yes, do SOMETHING. Anything. You must try and break the obsession cycle. Only you can do this. It requires effort, real bone crunching effort, but you must do it. In your current state, there is no way on earth that you are going to be able to rationalise your obsessions, so the only (and effective) alternative is to stick two fingers up to it. Distract yourself, even if it's something mundane. Count backwards from a thousand, read a book and really concentrate on it, go for a walk and judge the women you see with marks out of 10 (disclaimer etc). You must NOT stew on your own....

Do it NOW. Don't just nod and agree with what everyone on this forum says, do it. Knowing what you should do is all well and good, but acting on it is a real fight, a fight that whether you like it or not, you must engage. If you think about it, you don't have a choice.......

Thinking of you mate. I know how you are feeling. But there is a way out....and you will get better.

 

[Monkeydust]

There's not much I can add other than to reiterate what Martin said. You really must FORCE yourself to do something else. Gradually the cycle will break.

Don't lose hope. I have been there, and I'm fine now, even if I would never have believed I could be at the time. Keep going. You will get out of this.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

 

[kchendrix]

YOu have got to get up and do something, and you must find a way to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation is tough on someone with so much anxt. I know... Went approximately 2 mos with 1 hour sleep a night and it just enhances that insanity feeling.

Look what you are saying too when you write, it isn't some jibberish from a psychotic.. it is clear that you are suffering... YOu have your wits about you though so you are not and will not go crazy.. The Lack of sleep and the obsessing about it is causing most of your anxiety it is a viscious cycle. What was your one most favorite thing to do in life before this happened? The one thing you just couldn't live without, that you were passionate about. Go do it. It may not feel the same but go do it. My experience so far is one obsession trades for another somehow. I am obsessing about my health right now. And yes it is funny I am watching the video of me holding my new granddaughter and I look at myself and say is that really me.... ? But I can't obsess on the feeling ,that distance because it just makes it worse, Take it for what it is right now, just a feeling , just things are being percieved differently, that you are really there, and you are just seeing things, and not feeling things the same. OUr hope is with the acceptance we can cope, and then soon make our way back to the surface again and stop this living so deep within our heads. It is my hope for you, for me for everyone on this board that we become the success stories... For now we have to, get up get out of that room, step out, even when things look the scariest and involve yourself. Get a buddy to come over or go get up though, rise to your feet in acceptance and even a little defiance and say ok this place looks foreign right now ,but I am still me, and like the perception or not right now this is what I have to deal with. I know you have it in you, I know you do.. SO don't quit on me now .....

KC

 

[M A R S]

take Xanax or something

Read my post, its not an option. It will never be one.

To all the others thanks for the kind words.

 

[orangeaid]

i have read your past stories about what your going through,

My heart goes out to you really man.

I would seriously get to your doc/shrink whatever and get some Benzo's. I know you said you had addictive habbits and you didnt want to go on. But I would try to get one them and worry about addiction later. I think what you need is some relief and some piece of mind.

Hell i just was put on benzos for the first time my god did .25mg make a world of difference with my anxiety. BTW im on klonasapan. I think what you could really use is an anti-depressent to prevent horrible panic attacks, i dont know if that bur-something drug your on is that effective for you.

drugs might not be a long term thing but you need to be able to relax, so i would consider getting some.

 

[M A R S]

My shrink will not give me anything like this. I'm lost... I just don't think my Dr. would give it to me ether. Its crazy. I could get it on the street faster.

 

[Beth]

Hey,

Just adding my support really.

It doesn't go on like that forever.

You could try ringing someone up or visiting someone and not telling them about it and just acting normal. Sometimes having to act normal makes me feel a bit more normal. Whereas rocking backwards and forwards on the floor makes me feel weirder and more sorry for myself.

I really hope you've got some sleep by now. Too long without sleep and anyone would be feeling pretty weird.

I hate the feeling of needing to run away, to be anywhere else, it's the worst bit I think.

Oh, drawing is nice too. I like drawing when I feel like crap, it soaks up time. You don't have to be good at it or anything.

Or just counting if you're too bad feeling to do anything else.

Plenty of people have felt just like you and then got completely better. I have, although I'm now part way back in. Maybe keeping that in mind can help.

Hope things improve soon.

 

[peacedove]

You have already got some great replies, but I just wanted to let you know that I have been there also. Right now things are bearable, but I've gone through times just like you have described.

When I had a psychiatrist that wouldn't give me benzos I was freakin out big time. Finally I started to write down every racing thought, every obsession, every fear...any word that popped in my head. And it helped. Maybe you could give it a try. I also searched the internet for helpful info and printed it out and read it over and over again. Stuff to help with panic and depression. I don't know where I put it though or I'd tell you some good sites.

I also had fear about sleep, still do sometimes. I would feel myself drift off and I'd snap back awake all terrified. Maybe if you could force yourself to go out and exercise you would feel tired enough to go to sleep. Remember what kchendrix said... "rise to your feet in acceptance and even a little defiance and say ok this place looks foreign right now ,but I am still me, and like the perception or not right now this is what I have to deal with."

You might want to get a new shrink. That's what I did and now I have my benzos and they make things a lot more tolerable. But if you do have an addiction problem maybe it's not a good idea. I don't know. I guess only you know if you'd end up abusing the meds.