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I got DPDR last year in october after I put on psych medication that my body didn't agree with. I couldn sleep for months and got on benzos to smooth out the situation and it worked great & I've been on benzos since. However after this incident with the psych meds I found that I started to lose more and more of my daily awareness of surroundings like 10% weekly or so... this kind of stabilized in april or so.

But then slowly & almost unknowingly I started losing more and more of my awareness of my surroundings, myself & my brain etc. Last Year In November it became so that every day till this day I have lost 10-25% of my daily awareness

My problem is I took an antidepressant and got into psychiatry and got an antipsychotic in late 2017.. I had a very bad reaction to both after 5 days and stopped abruptly. After that make sleep wake homeostasis was not the same anymore... I could not sleep for a month and didn't get natural rest anymore...

I was losing consciousness at a rate of 10% every week I was less and less aware of my surroundings.

So out of desperation I got on benzodiazepines to mitigate that situation and it worked well...

Of course I got hooked and now I am on them since then...

My problem is that the gradual & quick decline in overall awareness of 10% continued from 2017 till 2018 april or so then kind of stabilized. And middle december is where I got the benzos.

Now... the thing is my awareness (coupled with derealization) continued to decline at a rate of 15% a month after june or so but I could function and compensate well... but then suddendly it was not 15% anymore but it went to 10% weekly again when fall started last year... then at the start of november I think it wass about 15 to 25% everyday TO THIS VERY DAY.... so instead of actually getting very tired and being able to recouperate from activity I would just have decreased awareness every day... and it has continued to this day and I just doesn't stabilize for a short period. It's not like I am losing 25% of awareness every day and then I am dead... it's like I have lost 25% and then I start with 100% the next day but have to compensate and than lose more percentage from that the next day...

I have not found anybody has this problem anywhere and I have no idea whether you write back but I am in desperate need to stabilize the situation or find a cause as to why my energy is constantly being lost at such a fast rate... in terms of awareness and not in terms of complete chronic exhaustion (I was very wired and super exhausted at the same time beforet) now it's almost the same but my body compensates in a way where I lose more and more awareness of surroundings, like I am sitting and typing not aware of the weather, not aware of the time or the day... or what I just did 2 days ago, and even my typing, everything is drastically affected. I was considering whether it is mold in my home or so but for the last 4 months I have consistently & subjectively lost around 15-25% of my awareness every single day...that's like 2400%... I remember having completely different function just last year at that same time.

I feel like I have the cognitive function or capacitiy of an ant because the space of my perception & every single function is involved in this lowering of awareness...
(The symptoms I describe are similar to depersonalization/derealization) but I am 100% sure they have to do with low energy production & my body failing to compensate for something.

I'd really like some help as every day I feel it's a life or death scenario

.. because I am losing the very platform I need to function. Like I can barely talk 1 to 1 because my processing speed is so drastically reduced, same as cooking and doing every other task. It's indiscribable.


Do you guys have an idea?

Sorry If my writing is messed up I literally can't put things together coherently because I am having the cognitive capacity of an ant?
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