What I'm about to say will sound so cliche, but it had so much relevance in my life right about now.
Life is a damn roller coaster, a crazy one.
One second my face is cupped in my hands while I'm rocking back and fourth crying my soul out, and the next I'm gleaming with happiness and hope. It's crazy.
DP/DR constantly makes me question my own sanity, but the older I get and the more I grow I realize that it's not me that's crazy; it's life. Especially the life I've lived. DP\DR was my sane reaction to insane circumstances.
I might not feel like a whole human being, but it doesn't mean I am.
All these disturbing sensations that I feel, that we all feel, doesn't make us less or worse of a human being.
We are different, unique. Everyone is.
DP/DR can be disturbing and horrifying, words can't even express.
The only thing I think that helps me in the long run, is accepting it.
It may sound unproductive, because you just want it to go away, but it's so helpful to do this.
Accepting the fact that you as a person that doesn't feel whole; makes you whole... If that makes sense.
Someone made something apparent to me the other day. I harbor a lot of guilt. A lot.
So much to the point where I consider suicide.
I blame my own existence for the dysfunction and corruption that has been going on in my family, and in my life.
I didn't even think that I would be that type of person, but turns out that I am.
It makes me think that maybe the reason I have DP/DR is because of a deep embedded idea, that may have been implicated by my parents, where my birth is the reason of my mothers sadness and my fathers anger.
Logic tells me that it's obviously not true, but I can't help but listen to that other "self blaming" side of me.
The more you learn to accept yourself, the more you will learn about yourself. The quicker you get to know yourself, and feel connected to yourself; the quicker you're DP/DR will stop fighting you. It wont completely go away, but it might just make you're life bearable once again. Stay strong, you are loved.
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