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Hi Everyone,

Background:

I'm a junior in college. I got DP 10 months ago I was smoking weed once a week for about three months and every time I got high I experience depersonalization but I never knew what it was I just thought I got higher than all my friends. Then just before finals in December I got high and never snapped out of DP. I have always been an extremely active person and need to exercise / play sports / have change. In elementary school I was tested for ADHD with moderate signs both times but my dad did not want me to take medication. I was very immature compared to the other kids in my grade until sophomore year of high school. I definitely had a hard time paying attention in high school but I was good at doing just enough to get by/ good at test taking so I made it through as the class clown/ risk-taker.

Family history:

My parents are divorced and have been for 10 years since I was 10

My dad is low key a functioning alcoholic and is very distant with me and my siblings. He definitely has ADHD (probably the reason my parents broke up) and probably has some sort of bipolar disorder

My mom is diagnosed with depression and SAD - takes sertraline 50mg

My brother is diagnosed with ADHD - adderall 18mg

My sister is diagnosed with depression - sertraline 50mg

Writing this out makes me feel like some sort of ratchet family haha but we're not too messed up haha.

When I first got DP / S.A.D.:

I went a week without knowing what it was and was hoping I would snap out of it than I found people with the same condition on Yahoo answers. By February I was depressed because of depersonalization of what it felt like without being depersonalized. I decided to tell my sister and mom in March and they told me they were taking sertraline for anxiety and depression/seasonal affect disorder. I ended up being prescribed sertraline for depression/anx. For the months of Febuary, March and April I felt like there was no true happiness left in my life. It was hard to explain though because I did not feel sad I just felt this constant sense of dysphoria or being unsatisfied. The only thing that would raise my levels of happiness back to old contendedness baseline was food, cigarettes, alcohol and adderall. It was so weird to me because I could notice when my "levels" were back, even if just for a moment, because I could genuinely laugh again. This saddened me even more though because I thought I would never be able to truly laugh again (without stimulants)

I kind of knew that I was depressed but I didn't like to admit it because I'm the classic Irish bottle-those-emotions-up kind of guy (typing this post is a pretty big step for me haha) so I tried to make myself do everything I used to do even if it was the last thing I'd want to do on earth (esp. go to the gym, go out to eat with friends, etc.). So luckily my social life was not really affected - my grades were a little because of the tiredness.

Sertraline helped:

So after a few months of dealing with it I started taking Sertraline 100mg.and could definitely notice an initial improvement. I a 5 is the baseline mood it went from a constant 2.5 to a 4. I was stoked about this because I lost the weight I gained because I didn't crave that feeling of satisfaction as much. I also did not feel any more tired when I started taking it, just a kind of ball of energy in my chest sometimes but I'd just take deep breaths and it would go away almost instantly.

Summer break:

Then summer break happened and I ran my own landscaping company and had so much to do I never even had a break to think about DP or anything and it was awesome. I was constantly moving and just loved it.

NOW:

So my doctor tried upping my sertraline dose from 100mg to 200mg to help with my concentration in class / fidgeting which has been the worse ever (I'm 210 - 6'4" by the way) and that did not go well. I got extremely tired and did not notice any improvement. I would need to take a 3-4 hour nap after class then have only 4 hours to eat/do homework then I'd have to go to bed. So I went back down to 100mg.

Now I've been back at school for 6 weeks and am extremely worried / discouraged about my DP and ability to concentrate. I thought that it was just because of being so active this summer that it would take my body some time to adjust but it has not and it's gotten worse. The only way I can stay awake is by having 1-2 cups of coffee and that makes me even more fidgety (though I can concentrate more).

I had ADHD testing done this summer after work and had some signs of ADHD and a good amount of normal results, especially in the memory and retention side of the testing. I was frustrated with this test though because I did not get it to really get diagnosed with ADHD (though I think I have symptoms of it) but because of my lack of concentration caused by DP. Whenever I'm not focused on something that interests me my mind will start to wonder into all of these crazy thoughts about existence and the grand scheme of things and I'll just go into my own world then next thing I know I've missed half of lecture. When I took my brother's adderall it made me more interested in things that would usually zone out over. (Does anyone else experience this?). It also makes me sit still which is nice since I have to sit in the back of the class because I'm embarrassed by how much I fidget. I have also become so much more forgetful this semester - I've lost like $300 worth of goods :/ (These past two weeks are what really drove me to post on here and try to get closer to finding a solution)

I feel stuck because I feel like nobody understands how I feel and I feel like my therapist and psychologist don't fully believe me about my concentration because of retention test results which is super frustrating. It pisses me off that because students abuse drugs I have to feel this way just because I'm in college now. But I know you many of you guys have the same situation where you can't really explain how you feel so any insight would be great!

QUESTIONS:

So, since I'm new here and always kind of tried to ignore the fact that I had DP / not let it affect me, I'm going to ask hella questions since you guys are all basically experts since you actually know what it feels like.

• Does anyone have a similar situation to mine? I'm betting a lot of you have some of these but specifically about my fidgeting / hard time focusing on boring stuff - also I was already tested for ADHD so if you have any other thoughts on what it might be I'm all ears.

• What medications have worked for anyone with a similar case to mine? I should also mention that I am currently taking propranolol which reduces the amount my fingers move when they slightly shake but it does not help with my foot fidgeting (which is the main fidget-source lol)

• Do you guys have any idea on what's causing this to get worse? I do not feel like I'm getting dumber or foggy-minded or anything by the way.

• I'm getting my blood tested tomorrow for: iron deficiency, vitamin D deficiency, B-12 deficiency, lyme's. (Had T-levels checked and they were at 435 - uncommonly low for a 20 year old but not dangerously low), what else should I have checked??

Lastly, just gonna through some info/stuff I've been thinking of out here since I'm new:

I've tried yoga, iron supplements, high protein diets, high fat diets, flax/ fiber diets.

I feel a weird pressured sensation behind my ears when I drink coffee - anyone have that too?

I kind of like DP sometimes because it makes me quicker/wittier and better with girls because I can just say whatever I want and not be nervous about it.

I think DP helps with situations that require logical solutions since we can look at a solution arbitrarily and without emotion.

I haven't smoked weed since I've been DP'd, I do not smoke cigarettes, I drink 2 nights a week on Fri and Sat., and I don't use any other stimulants besides adderall when my levels are really low.

Thank you guys all so much in advance. After writing this just now I wish I had just done this earlier, although I figured that if I got super into the site I would think about DP even more and experience DP stronger.

Sorry for such a long post too haha

-John
 

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i didn't even read your post but im on celexa and it helps quite a bit with ocd thougts and just allowing u to get up and do things.... thats been my experience. just try things for a few months and then switch it up
 

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Does anyone have a similar situation to mine? I'm betting a lot of you have some of these but specifically about my fidgeting / hard time focusing on boring stuff - also I was already tested for ADHD so if you have any other thoughts on what it might be I'm all ears.
On this site there are a lot of people who got DP because of Cannabis.

What medications have worked for anyone with a similar case to mine? I should also mention that I am currently taking propranolol which reduces the amount my fingers move when they slightly shake but it does not help with my foot fidgeting (which is the main fidget-source lol)
It's like always trial and error. In my opinion the next step would be Clomipramine.
 

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I am not an expert on medication but I happened to be having a conversation with a friend recently who has adhd and depersonalisation and she's on something for the adhd (ritalin I think) and has recently switched antidepressants from SSRIs to an SNRI. I remember this conversation because she said her doctor was the first person in 15 years who has thought 'hey let's stop trying 50 shades of SSRIs and try an SNRI' and I laughed coffee out my nose and stained a shirt. Anyway if the antidepressant you're on is SSRI and it's not working maybe try something different? Idk. Might be worth looking into or talking to a doctor about.

Edit: I am pretty sure a shrink has suggested a stimulant like adderall might help me with some of my depersonalisation symptoms. The memory is a bit fuzzy but I am pretty sure lol
Also using medication to bring you to the same level of normal as other students isn't really abusing it, is it?
 
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