TOnight my wife was picking out photos to hang up, photos of our life together, the kids, vacations, when the kids were little. I looked at each one and I could see the life I had, I could see it in the way I smiled, how involved I was. What the hell happened, I want it all back , I want to feel again what I felt back then.
Looking at photos like it was a whole different me. I was alive and happy and vital..... I want that back, I am tired so tired of not feeling connected, in touch and apart of my own being... It just isn't fair. It isn't right, it isn't right at all.. I want to be my whole self again.
This isn't the way life was supposed to be, it was supposed to be like it used to be, FUn.... alive... feeling the zest for life... The old days , the way I lived was the way to live... now I exist, I don't live, I go through the motions of living, go to bed, get up , go to work, eat dinner when I get home , watch TV go to bed. another day of thinking about why I don't feel like the guy in the pictures I just looked at tonight. Why do I feel like that guy couldn't have been me, but I know and remember every picture and how much life meant back then. I loved to lay on the beach, to decorate a Christmas tree, to fish, to swim in the ocean, to enjoy a fine glass of wine, to breath the salt air from the ocean... to walk the boardwalk at the beach.. to just watch the waves crash in and, To hold my son when he was small and toss him in the air and watch him laugh and delight in the thrill of his father catching him. To cook a big Turkey for all the realatives at Thanksgiving.. Each picture reflecting how connected I was.... Oh how I long for that again, instead of this torture of feeling disconnected, feeling like I am not involved. Oh Life come let me live you again.......
Looking at photos like it was a whole different me. I was alive and happy and vital..... I want that back, I am tired so tired of not feeling connected, in touch and apart of my own being... It just isn't fair. It isn't right, it isn't right at all.. I want to be my whole self again.
This isn't the way life was supposed to be, it was supposed to be like it used to be, FUn.... alive... feeling the zest for life... The old days , the way I lived was the way to live... now I exist, I don't live, I go through the motions of living, go to bed, get up , go to work, eat dinner when I get home , watch TV go to bed. another day of thinking about why I don't feel like the guy in the pictures I just looked at tonight. Why do I feel like that guy couldn't have been me, but I know and remember every picture and how much life meant back then. I loved to lay on the beach, to decorate a Christmas tree, to fish, to swim in the ocean, to enjoy a fine glass of wine, to breath the salt air from the ocean... to walk the boardwalk at the beach.. to just watch the waves crash in and, To hold my son when he was small and toss him in the air and watch him laugh and delight in the thrill of his father catching him. To cook a big Turkey for all the realatives at Thanksgiving.. Each picture reflecting how connected I was.... Oh how I long for that again, instead of this torture of feeling disconnected, feeling like I am not involved. Oh Life come let me live you again.......
