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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I read stuff on dpdr all the time..on here and general articals on the mental illness. But despite having all the symptoms, i have this strang feeling that what im experiancing is above my own understanding. Like that the things im experiancing are above and different than any other living thing could feel or imagine. Like, i keep doubting other people could possibly understand it on my level, even the people on here. And thats not because im belittling anyones elses feelings, its simply because i dont have another perspective to go by. Im only myself. I feel utterly isolated by this feeling that im not accually what i originally thought i was, as if being a living creature was just a construct my consciousness came up with and no other living beings exist. I also doubt everything about my mental state. I doubt if im really ill, I cant ever tell if im truely normal or not, i just go by if im feeling happy, sad or mad because no ones been able to convince me what im feeling is experianced by others too because theres simply no way to describe it.
I always get this feeling that i dont really exist and neither does anything else. When this happens im so distraut over it that i stop whatever im doing, thinking its pointless because it doesnt exist and therefore doesnt matter. When i feel more "sane" as i put it and more emotionally connected, i get more normal fears like "what if im dead or in a coma or dream"
Its more than all the symptoms i have, its that wierd feeling that my consciousness is unique and that im possibly alone and what im going through is beyond my or anyone elses comprehension. Its like i cant ever unsee this now and its just how i am now, as if like a new limb has grown but for my mind.

The wierdest shit gives me anxiety??? Simply because it was getting later in the night past 12, i got anxiety because im convinced everything gets worse at late hours of the night if im tired. But thats not the issue. I was up so late because i was really enjoying making a comic (i draw) and for some reason while trying to finish the panels, i got overwhelmed by the mere fact i created it. I stared at it freaking out. It gave me anxiety because i fuckin drew something...what the hell? Maybe because i had the thought of it all not existing in my subconscious? I dont know.

I have this strang feeling when very tired. I put my attention to my mind alone and suddenly i feel like something is gonna happen to me. Not death, something that seems more sinister somehow. I dont even know. Sometimes i fear ill have a stroke because it makes me feel almost frozen and numb and odd and fucked up. I get pings in my chest and it feels tight so i know its also anxiety and sometimes panic.
I dont like talking to family who claim they know what im talking about because i just dont know if what im going through is experianced by other people.

If you take a 3D video game for instance. You do something a certain way and glitch and suddenly you fall through the ground or into the sky and then you go through the map and watch as the world expands as you fall away from it. You start seeing everything for how it is, how its programed and are more aware that its a game your playing and how it doesnt really exist and you feel small and like you cant escape..i dont accually see myself falling away from our planet or anything but thats kinda how it feels if that makes sense.
 

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Hi! You're not alone! I've the same feeling, expecially when u say "im afraid i can't UNsee", as if like I've opened a door and cannot be closed.

I feel like I'm behind my eyes observing life and being in my body feels totally weird, consciousness is weird. I feel trapped.

Anyway, I truly believe this is connected to the disorder itself. I've already been there 7yrs ago amd totally recovered,life returned normal. Of course I don't remember all the obsessivr thoughts I had , but I remember I felt like I was stuck in 1st person view without no way out.
I totally forgot about dp for 4 years, then it came back.

I guess there's also a strong OCD component. The symptom feeds the thoughts, and viceversa.

I'm sure this will pass. it's just anxiety at its higher form. But therapy is crucial in helping break the cycle.
 

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I can somewhat relate to this. I pretty much have no connection to the idea that I am just ill, because what I've experienced goes far beyond that and I see things now that I didn't before. It's got to the point where I almost feel like I can predict the future. If I experience a very specific thing, I can guarantee I'll see it again later that day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi! You're not alone! I've the same feeling, expecially when u say "im afraid i can't UNsee", as if like I've opened a door and cannot be closed.
I feel like I'm behind my eyes observing life and being in my body feels totally weird, consciousness is weird. I feel trapped.
Anyway, I truly believe this is connected to the disorder itself. I've already been there 7yrs ago amd totally recovered,life returned normal. Of course I don't remember all the obsessivr thoughts I had , but I remember I felt like I was stuck in 1st person view without no way out.
I totally forgot about dp for 4 years, then it came back.
I guess there's also a strong OCD component. The symptom feeds the thoughts, and viceversa.
I'm sure this will pass. it's just anxiety at its higher form. But therapy is crucial in helping break the cycle.
Thanks for the reasurrance...it just feels like my whole mind thinks about everything in a whole new way and that im literally somewhere else above everything thats considered real or reality.
Do you ever feel like things you do, say, or think are controlled separately than you? Like you dont accually control those things?
Sometimes randomly theres this numbness in my hearing and i hear the sounds in my head overamplified too if that makes sense? Like its super amplified in my head but outside its quieter and it feels like my ears are suddenly plugged. Idk how to explain it. Its also sometimes accompanied by ringing from tinitis.
This always comes on suddenly and i fear ill have a stroke or something since its sudden pressure in my head and distorts my hearing...
Also sometimes if im speaking, i hear myself talking but dont feel im the one talking.
I can somewhat relate to this. I pretty much have no connection to the idea that I am just ill, because what I've experienced goes far beyond that and I see things now that I didn't before. It's got to the point where I almost feel like I can predict the future. If I experience a very specific thing, I can guarantee I'll see it again later that day.
So basically, it feels like everything u experiance is far greater than the concept of mental processes right? Like your on another plane of existence? At least thats how i describe my experiance. Im curious what you mean by predicting the future if you wanna give some examples. Im not sure if you mean a constant deja vu feeling or something different.
 

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Yes, it's called hyper awareness and it's just a bad bad bad part of the package. It's connected to the symptom of detachment of course, and to an obsessive thinking pattern as well. I've always been pretty anxious and obsessive, just in a "normal" way. But When the bomb explodes, everything becomes bigger and stronger, and painful.
But it's "just" dp.
My recovery back then started when my obsessive thoughts subsided a bit and I came to accept dp. I'd never been able to do it without medication. Meds helped with the obsessive part of it, the rest comes from us.

But, again, Ur not alone! I feel scared even when watching TV, because OMG I have eyes, I can see, I'm a living being, why am I human, I cannot return normal now because I know something that I didn't know before, why can I think etc. lol

Everything feels so weird.
 

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Yea I have the same thoughts. Nobody seems real, am I even real. Is this all just a dream or something. I also feel like everyone else has it better than me, I got it the worst. I think everyone here feels like this, its probably one of the reasons why we are like this.
 

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So basically, it feels like everything u experiance is far greater than the concept of mental processes right? Like your on another plane of existence? At least thats how i describe my experiance. Im curious what you mean by predicting the future if you wanna give some examples. Im not sure if you mean a constant deja vu feeling or something different.
I've never put it that way myself but yes. And quite literally. I struggle with the idea that I am not in the real world and tend to believe it. By predicting the future, I mean basically that I constantly see coincidences on a daily basis, to the point where I can predict what ones are going to happen.

I get explanation after explanation for this, but I can't shake it. I didn't see that kind of stuff before, and this just seems to magical to be true. And yes to the point where I can't accept it as mental illness.
 
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