[Guest]

Does anyone experience their lives as if they are lived by their lives, circumstances etc.?

I mean, I do feel like I would not live but as if I always tried to be lived by my imagination or something.
Like, it is not that I do the things that I think I should or want to do, it is like I just think them and then I seem to be satisfied replacing reality with them.
Like I think of a job and I try to kind of figure it out how it would be, living in my head like this was the reality. When in fact it would be totally different actually doing it. It s the same when I think of my future, like I live my future in my head whereas even if my future is going to be like I imagine it it would still feel totally different if I actually did this future. I mean it would be different if this future was real. So actually living in one's head is meaningless from the outset.

Of course this living in one's head thing takes place because I feel so out of control. Like I feel I am not in charge of my life because I am driven by pain attacks, anxiety attacks and dr if I am unlucky. That is why I live in my head, because there I can control everything.

Like maybe if I went out and did the things that I always think of instead, I would find out that the anxiety and dr has actually nothing to do with the real world but just exists in my head like everything else.

Well, of course there is also fear of failure involved, cause I feel if I don't make it the way I imagine it, it confirms that I feel worthless anyway, and who catches me if I fail? Like who comforts me then? Because I am too much of a mess to have the strength to be there for me, you know what I am saying.

That is why I went to college, because there I cannot fail. Because it has nothing to do with existence, I mean it is just not real. Like if I get bad marks I do not feel bad because, well, if I want to get good grades I just repeat the test or learn more, you know. I think a lot of students don't go to college because they really like it but because there they feel better, like in college or uni one does not have to soil oneself with the real world or something. I mean, I am like this.

But I think to break the cycle I have to do it instead of thinking about it. Because I would realize that my fears don't actually have anything to do with reality.

What do you think, folks? ( Janine, where art thou?)
I realize that even this post is alot about thinking, although I speak of doing things. It is an endless cycle.

 

[Guest]

Does anyone experience their lives as if they are lived by their lives, circumstances etc.?

I mean, I do feel like I would not live but as if I always tried to be lived by my imagination or something.
Like, it is not that I do the things that I think I should or want to do, it is like I just think them and then I seem to be satisfied replacing reality with them.
Like I think of a job and I try to kind of figure it out how it would be, living in my head like this was the reality. When in fact it would be totally different actually doing it. It s the same when I think of my future, like I live my future in my head whereas even if my future is going to be like I imagine it it would still feel totally different if I actually did this future. I mean it would be different if this future was real. So actually living in one's head is meaningless from the outset.

Of course this living in one's head thing takes place because I feel so out of control. Like I feel I am not in charge of my life because I am driven by pain attacks, anxiety attacks and dr if I am unlucky. That is why I live in my head, because there I can control everything.

Like maybe if I went out and did the things that I always think of instead, I would find out that the anxiety and dr has actually nothing to do with the real world but just exists in my head like everything else.

Well, of course there is also fear of failure involved, cause I feel if I don't make it the way I imagine it, it confirms that I feel worthless anyway, and who catches me if I fail? Like who comforts me then? Because I am too much of a mess to have the strength to be there for me, you know what I am saying.

That is why I went to college, because there I cannot fail. Because it has nothing to do with existence, I mean it is just not real. Like if I get bad marks I do not feel bad because, well, if I want to get good grades I just repeat the test or learn more, you know. I think a lot of students don't go to college because they really like it but because there they feel better, like in college or uni one does not have to soil oneself with the real world or something. I mean, I am like this.

But I think to break the cycle I have to do it instead of thinking about it. Because I would realize that my fears don't actually have anything to do with reality.

What do you think, folks? ( Janine, where art thou?)
I realize that even this post is alot about thinking, although I speak of doing things. It is an endless cycle.

 

[Guest]

VERY busy day, but had to chime in on this thread.

THAT is precisely what I tried to do for the first half of my life...I lived in my head...in my imagination. It was like I was "using" pieces of reality only as much as I needed them to feed my fantasies (the reverse of how most people live).

All that mattered was what was entirely mine - my own thoughts. There is a trait that is described as "an inability to use reality" - and that fit me to a tee. Most people can LIVE in the sensory world of other people, and interact and relate and strive and want and lose and gain ALL in the actual muddy playground of earth. But for some of us, we are so terrified of our own longing that we "constrict" our Self into itself and tumble back into our own imaginings rather than have to NEED anything or anyone outside our total control.

If we love someone real, we may be hurt.

If we long for something measurable, we may fail.

If we feel our own desire with our own bodies, we may be left hungry.

etc etc

I could be more poetic, but must go, lol....

Excellent post though, and I'll chime back in later
Love,
J

 

[Guest]

VERY busy day, but had to chime in on this thread.

THAT is precisely what I tried to do for the first half of my life...I lived in my head...in my imagination. It was like I was "using" pieces of reality only as much as I needed them to feed my fantasies (the reverse of how most people live).

All that mattered was what was entirely mine - my own thoughts. There is a trait that is described as "an inability to use reality" - and that fit me to a tee. Most people can LIVE in the sensory world of other people, and interact and relate and strive and want and lose and gain ALL in the actual muddy playground of earth. But for some of us, we are so terrified of our own longing that we "constrict" our Self into itself and tumble back into our own imaginings rather than have to NEED anything or anyone outside our total control.

If we love someone real, we may be hurt.

If we long for something measurable, we may fail.

If we feel our own desire with our own bodies, we may be left hungry.

etc etc

I could be more poetic, but must go, lol....

Excellent post though, and I'll chime back in later
Love,
J

 

[Guest]

The only way to make it happen is stop thinking about it and doing it, right? (whatever "it" may be)

I mean, there is no 'gentle' way of approaching it, right?

Just do it, I think I'll get some nike stuff to remind me of the motto wherever I go...

What do you think? (I mean, not about the nike stuff but the general subject)

 

[Guest]

The only way to make it happen is stop thinking about it and doing it, right? (whatever "it" may be)

I mean, there is no 'gentle' way of approaching it, right?

Just do it, I think I'll get some nike stuff to remind me of the motto wherever I go...

What do you think? (I mean, not about the nike stuff but the general subject)

 

[shazada (jonathan)]

i have felt somewhat similar to your experience, I. always worried about the real world, and the problems that moving into the real world may entail, which is why i am worried now that i have just finished high school. yet i have also been thinking about it, and have to say that it feels for me that the only way to get over it is to do it is to get out in the real world, as freaky as it may be. I had plans for my future, but recently i've been feeling as though i want to live by circumstance as you put it. i doubt this has helped, cause i dont really understand myself - its probably just mindless ramblings.

 

[shazada (jonathan)]

i have felt somewhat similar to your experience, I. always worried about the real world, and the problems that moving into the real world may entail, which is why i am worried now that i have just finished high school. yet i have also been thinking about it, and have to say that it feels for me that the only way to get over it is to do it is to get out in the real world, as freaky as it may be. I had plans for my future, but recently i've been feeling as though i want to live by circumstance as you put it. i doubt this has helped, cause i dont really understand myself - its probably just mindless ramblings.