[Dpdr_2020]

So ive had dpdr for like 8months now, but a week ago i got anxious about something and life suddenly felt extremely real since then, too real... and its terrifying
so is this something dpdr related ? is the dpdr making me feel to real to play tricks on me ? has anyone else ever had this?
i still dont feel like myself i feel even less like myself now even. but life looks extremely real too real and to colorfull its like im on drugs (ive never taken any drugs or meds)

im scared that i have damaged my brain, has anyone else ever had the ''life looks/feels too real'' perception ?

 

[seraphcat]

Yeah, it's honestly impossible for me to even believe that anything about this universe is real anymore except in the sense that a dream or a thought is real, but even so I'm aware that the fundamental nature of our existence reinforces itself in violent ways and that there's basically no escape from the laws of the "dream" I'm trapped in since I personally believe that most of the mental activity involved in this (from my perspective) simulated experience occurs outside of my mind.

So that said--when reality does enforce itself, I sometimes panic because I know that the dream I think I'm stuck in could actually hurt me. A week ago, I had an anxiety attack and my heartrate just skyrocketed and I was suddenly very much aware of how "real" everything is and how I could possibly have a heart attack or a stroke or something and die at any moment. I ended up begging to whatever "cosmic mind" exists to let me live; I insisted on living for my partner and for myself. Eventually the panic attack stopped, but until then I was just stuck either crouched in fear with my arms around my legs or curled up on my side; anything but a protective-ball posture felt terrifying.

Other times I feel like I'm trapped in a prison I can't escape, or I'll just touch something or look at something in way too much detail and just suddenly be struck by the "resolution" of this experience, by how aggressively it enforces itself upon my psyche. I sometimes end up dissociating and having an anxiety attack at the same time precisely because of how real everything seems.

So idk if it's a DPDR thing but it's definitely something I've experienced too, so maybe it's connected?