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Hi everyone,

It has taken me quite a while to find the courage to come on here and ask for some advice/positive words. It might be a bit too long but please hear me out...

This all started around 2 months ago, my friend committed suicide and from the moment I found out, my life just changed.

Don't get me wrong, I have been through a lot of harder times in the past, my Mum had cancer, my Uncle and Grandfather died and I lost another friend suddenly, this all happened in the space of a year. Looking back, I never really grieved and I just got on with my life as my family needed me to be strong.

I have also realised I have always been an anxious person, someone with not a lot of self esteem either but I never really thought of these until this all happened.

So I found out my friend had passed and for some reason, I went into a deep depression for a few days, I became extremely anxious and wouldn't get out of bed, I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't do anything.

Prior to this, I have had a very normal life with loving friends and family, I had always done things by myself, travelled and lived in different countries alone and was always a rather confident, fun loving girl.

So, I then unfortunately started to google why I felt so weird, what had happened to me, where had the old girl gone and what on earth was going on?

I had also really changed my life, I'd quit University, moved to a different city and met my new boyfriend etc, so a lot of life changes had taken place in a very short amount of time.

I then found articles on DP and if I am totally honest, I think I brought DP onto myself a little. I googled way too much and started to freak out about the symptoms. Maybe putting them in my own head?

Fast forward two months and I feel as if I have become a totally different person. DP and anxiety is all I think about pretty much ALL of the time.

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and I know I am not losing my mind. I have spent countless hours reading DP recovery stories, tips etc. I have come to learn the only way out is acceptance and just living your life.

However, when I do sometimes feel like I am back to normal, I get super scared of feeling normal again because I have become so used to feeling this way?

No matter what I do, I feel as if I am missing something? I am terrified of never feeling the same way again I think, terrified that I will never ever live a normal life again, I feel confused as to why this happened and what am I doing wrong in not being able to get out?

Basically what I am trying to ask is, what is life after DP? Do you go back to your old self?

In a way, I don't want to go back to my old self as I know deep down that I wasn't very happy, I always ran away from everything and didn't take myself or my life too seriously. In a way, I am grateful for being woken up to more of a real life so to say.

Any advice, tips, wisdom would be absolutely great.

Love to you all and thank you in advance from the bottom of my heart.
 

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Well, from what I read I see you were depressed because of losing your loved ones and anxious. But you didnt mention your symptoms. If you moved to another city and you have new boyfriend etc and you feel different thath is normal reactions of body to to new stuff, environment and daily people you meet.

If you read about DP and you actually have DP that you just realized it, but you must report your symptoms to diagnose yourself with DP.

Same as panic attacks I had and many other people, at first panic attack I didnt know what it was until I research symptoms and conditions through panic attack episode. Until I research panic attack symptoms it came obvious that I had panic attacks because of huge stress in my body, and the attack after attack DR and DP came out as a defense mechanism.

Please send me a message if you want to recommend book, videos and informations about traumas related conditions.
 

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I've only had it badly for 3 weeks and about a month -5 weeks before I had it low key on and off. It's scary when you can't remember what it's like to feel 'Normal' because you begin questioning if you ever were 'normal' and if you're making this up and so on...
 

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In my opinion theres a description of OCD with depression in opening post.. In DP major symptoms are losing sense of self, ego eliminated and feeling seperate from body. In my topic I posted evolutionary theory of dissociation caused by stress and trauma.
 

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You do get back to yourself but you must also start taking care of yourself better....Lifestyle changes are required such as diet, exercise etc etc...BUT most of all you MUST learn to de-stress your life at all levels...

The truth is our old ways and lifestyle are what got us into this mess in the first place so positive changes are absolutely essential..

The other thing to remember is that some people learn to deal with DP long term and others will simply recover 100% and never even remember having DP in the first place....It is a totally individual thing....As is the method of recovering....There are no set rules when it comes to this condition as regards medications, stress and anxiety management techniques and as to what actually works for each of us to help us get better...

Just know that DP in its chronic form is not permanent once you take the correct steps as regards better self care....Some people learn to manage it long term and live quite acceptable lives and for others it vanishes completely and becomes ancient history and they simply return to exactly as it was before...

The reason why you read the common stories on here of people returning after years is because they all got better and went back to exactly the same lifestyle they had before DP....Drugs, alcohol, bad diet, not managing stress, etc etc etc......

Einstein said "The definiton of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results"

Change for the better is extremely important both during and after recovery!

DP wont alter who you are or the things you love doing but it is very very life changing in its own way........
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi, thanks for replying.

I just don't think I can come to terms with what has happened to my mind and brain.

My BIGGEST fear is becoming crazy, I lie in bed and have the weirdest thoughts, things that don't even make sense, alongside intrusive thoughts that really really scare me, so I think a lot of why it carries on is because of my fear of what has happened, and after all my research, I know that I should just accept those thoughts but I mentally can't because I'm scared if I do, then they will come true.

I make myself think I'm hearing things, even though I know I am not, or that I am seeing things, even though I know I am not and it's all just a VERY tired mind.

I just don't know how I got to this from one day to the next after being completely normal my entire 24 years of life, the past two months have been absolute hell.

I know it's all in my head, making it even worse because I'm such a realistic rational person.

I am just so so so scared, to the point of where I cry, that I am literally going to lose my mind, or I've already lost it and I don't even know (stupidest thing ever but somehow I entertain that thought)...

:(
 

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Well, with those thoughts you described I'm struggling more than two years, I could write a huge topic about my intrusive and obsessive thoughts - you cant beat them. What you resist persist. You are in this 2 months, I'm in this almost 30 months. not to mention that I struggle with depression and all kinds of anxieties for more than a decade.

When you think you losing your mind that's a good thing - you are not. People who losing their mind are unaware of that. In panic attack people often think they losing their mind - in high state of fear rationality ceases. Its all about survival.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
How do you suggest overcoming them?

Every recovery story I have read (which is 100's) just say GET OFF this site, start living again, accept the thoughts as just OCD intrusive thoughts and thoughts only, because in reality, that's all they are.

I do believe that I am going to try and delete all my accounts on forums etc. and just get on with my life as I had before for 24 years.

What do you think?
 

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Well, anxiety is what keep running intrusive thought and obsession. I have it also, all kind of intrusive thoughts. I'm in the same boat.

I'm trying these methods, distraction and meds (antidepressant and benziodiazepams - but be careful with dosage).

Distract yourself with movies ( I watch drama movies with no blood or violence or any sc-fi or horror movies ), dont watch movies with people that are portayed as happy and successful, it makes you think unworthy and unhappy.

Watch video seminars on internet (youtube) discussing about trauma and anxiety and OCD, only watch video with proffessionals involved. Type these 'how to overcome intrusive thoughts', 'how to deal with anxiety', 'trauma related disorders'.

Read these two books: Body keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine. If you cant buy it I will send you PDF or EPUB format in private messages.

Listen to meditation music, theres thousand calming and relaxing music on youtube that lasts for an hours - check it. It helps to me a little. Type relaxation/meditation/anxiety relief music.

Dont read negative posts or apply to yourself everything scary you read. Your brain must relax - it's in hyper alert mode.

Meditate (focus on breathing), listen to music, take a long walk a pay attention to environment not to your thoughts, be curious, read science, spend time with pet if you have. Dont fight it too hard - you will not win. Dont be obsessed with happiness or goal - it makes you more depressed. Dont freak about when this will be end. I dont know. I'm in the same boat as you an longer in suffering. Theres a better days, than worse, sometimes nightmare and pure hell. I also asking when this hell will be ended.

Reading recovery stories to me at least makes me dissapointed, because I'm not recovered yet (most of them recovered from 6 months to 1.5 years) and I'm more than 2 years in DP. In depression and anxiety I'm more than a 15 years. :eek: I cant imagine more suffering than mine suffering and I'm alive here asking for support and giving support to others.

Dont compare yourself to others and believe in something ( God, destiny, higher power etc ) and be proud of yourself, love yourself

and send me a private message to share my personal story and some insights.
 
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