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I'm currently in 7th grade and I'm 12(female). I don't like my body image and I'm also sexually attracted to women. I'm very shy and socially awkward. I have a few friends bcuz I lost most of them. I have been getting symptoms of dp but have never told anyone or seen a doctor. When I first started to get symptoms it was in 2015 October. I was in studyhall when my teacher asked me what I was going to be for Halloween. At that moment. Someone else took over my body. I replied, "Don't laugh but I'm going to be a poo emoji." cringe That's something I would never say. I would say, 'nothing'. How I remember it is strange from any other memories. I remember it as me staring at myself(3rd person). Like a movie. It felt very unrealistic. This happened numerous times after that. I won't tell the stories cuz they're basically the same as the one I just told. The dp symptoms come and go for me. One day, I feel fake and no physical or mental emotions. I'm kinda just following the script that only my body knows and not me. It feels as if I'm not a member of my body. I notice that when meaningful things happen, I feel 'alive'. Yesterday, I watched, 'The edge of 17'. After watching it, I felt something. Maybe it's because I connected with the main character. Also, when I'm with friends or being productive, I feel less dead. I'm still dead but just less. lol. I feel like these things happened because of me losing friends. In October, I started to drift away from friends and turned to cutting and starving myself. I started to not know how to talk to anyone. Before that, I was way more outgoing. Then soon, it led to dp. I am pretty sure that's how it happened. Today, I felt ok. It just comes and goes. I usually notice when I feel the symptoms of dp. I didn't want to deal with it alone so I told a friend. They said, 'You're fine, there's no such thing as not feeling alive.' I then turned to this blog that I came across as I was researching my symptoms. I don't really know what to do. Should I go see a doctor(or phyciatrist idk)? I have realized that when I work out, I feel a bit better, like 5%. I don't know what to do. I also forgot to mention this. After a long day at school, I feel like I've done nothing and forget everything. I have a great memory so that surprised me. It doesn't help that I'm super stressed out at the moment and for 3 months. Feel free to comment ideas and suggestions. Maybe I don't have dp. I have symptoms and feel like I do. Thanks for sticking to the end my fren.
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dissociative12
Mar 18 2017 11:11 AM

Hi! I'm 25 and have struggled with DP for years. I definitely think you should see a GP. You don't have to tell your parents if you live in the UK. But I would advise that too. Are your parents supportive usually?

I used to self harm too. 12 is very young to start self harming though. My heart aches for you that you've already gone through so much that even adults do.

Please see a GP, tell them about your DP, self harm and wanting to starve yourself. They will refer you to a psychiatrist. It doesn't mean you're crazy, you aren't crazy. Lots and lots of people struggle with mental health issues. Your parents might even have struggled.

Please see a GP or talk to your parents. That is the first step in getting help.

I'm here for you.


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Trash
Mar 22 2017 07:08 PM

Thank you and I will! This really helped!
 
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