[Guest]

in response to Dreamland's recent post -

I believe it. My life and my condition did not get better until i faced my fears. the dp/dr didn't cause the real pain, what caused the real pain was putting so much energy into it, and being the victim, and letting my youth pass me by because of it. I use to think my life sucked because of the dp, but it sucked because i didn't take risks and became comfortable.
These are the things I did wrong:

1. Not being honest about the way I felt, with myself or others.
2. Not seeking help when I should have.
3. Making myself believe I was crippled because of dp/dr.
4. Push my family and friends away.
5. Take risks.

People, please take risks and do things that your fear prevents you from doing (as long as it isn't something that hurts yourself or others)
Live and learn - those are the things that will lead to recovery, if not, at least you will have one heck of story to tell at the end but trust me, even if the dp/dr doesn't go away, you will feel better about yourself and your quality of life will be better!

 

[Scattered]

I want to take risks. However, I'm scared that if I take a risk and something bad happens I WILL be crippled. If I was to go outside my comfort zone and find that something horrible happened I dont know if I would ever be able to leave that zone and, in fact, would probably withdraw further inside myself and feel even more "out of it." How do you deal with this? What happens when you take a risk, something bad happens, and you feel truely horrible and worse off because of it. If someone could explain to me how this worked, I'd be grateful.

 

[Monkeydust]

I completely agree with jophe on this, that's actually invaluable advice to anyone who feels "stuck" where they are right now.

Scattered, I know those fears and doubts that prey on your mind are very strong, but they really do not constitute any "excuse" not to go outside your comfort zone, and you shouldn't believe that they do.

If you take a risk and something "bad" happens, you learn from it, and move on. Usually, whever you succeed or fail, you'll have "gained" something if only in a limited sense.

The odds of you being "crippled" from taking such a risk are so low that you should not feel contained by them. Believe me, you really do need to push the boundaries of your comfort zone if you want to recover substantially.

 

[Guest]

i know, that when i take charge of my life - other than letting my fears or others dictate it - that i feel ALIVE! from the first second that i take that step into the unknown, my strength and confidence soars.

but, on the other hand, i know the opposite of that - worrying about what others may think of my actions/decisions, taking a backseat to my condition, thinking about all of the negatives, and the BIG one, inaction and being stuck. and you know what? the second state does the complete opposite of the first one. it leads to depression, physical illness, higher levels of anxiety. it bleeds into every aspect of your life.

I am in the second state, desperately making changes to get out of it. it is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. even tougher than dp/dr. it is so hard sometimes, that it takes everything in me to keep going. but i honestly feel the source of all of my problems lies within being afraid, so that is what i am attacking.

but this is just me, and everyone is different. everyone brings something different to the table regarding dp/dr. but what i have seen alot of is life improvements because of taking positive action.

This is how i will live my life from this day forward - I will be in the driver's seat, with God as my copilot. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. YOU have the power within you to change the world - so why not start of by changing yourself? It will hurt at first and be scary, but it will also be exciting, and you will have hope. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself and others happy. Live everyday like it is your last. But do all this while giving back to society and others, and make a positive impact not a negative (hurting others, drugs, alcohol). And remeber, even the littlest act or change can be the magic bullet to ALL of your problems!

I am saying and doing all of this to illicit change in myself, and help others in the process

 

[Dreamland]

What helped me was doing a lot of research on the subject. When I realized that no one had gone crazy from depersonalization but that it was often a symptom of anxiety related disorders, I knew that statistics were on my side. If you're afraid that you're going to fail or mess up stepping out of your comfort zone just remember that tomorrow's another day and nobody's going to care if you make a mistake. Just look at the world around you; there are so many other high profile things happening in the media and a week later we forget all about them. Your life is dynamic; don't make it static. I can remember two high school friends of mine often describing the exact depersonalization symptoms but they didn't fear it like I did. But I feared other things as well aside from depersonalization, therefore, understanding fear objectively and controlling it is extremely important.

 

[rainboteers]

When you first step out of your comfort zone is it normal that the dp/dr feels worse? I step out, I feel worse, so I run back to my comfort zone. I fear it will make me worse if I push myself. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[Scattered]

That was a very good post Jophe.

And yes my problem is that it seems my dp/dr, anxiety worsen when stepping out of my comfort zone. Of course this is to be expected, but it can be very difficult getting over that initial surge in dp. Of course this has to be done at some point if we expect to get better. Its just that the fear and the increase in symptoms can be immobilizing in itself. Its good to hear that you're getting past that and I hope I can too.

 

[Guest]

scattered, rainboteers

I know that initial burst of dp/dr all to well. what helped everything, and actually allowed me to get to this point where i am- no longer worrying about dp/dr- was just trucking through. i know how hard it can be, it seems impossible. but it isn't, my friend when it comes on, just keep going. i use to imagine it like being a running back blasting through all of these defensive linemen, and not stopping. just keep going, even if you have nothing pushing you, keep going. i know it sounds crazy, but even when DP is at it worst, keep moving. it is so crucial to your confidence levels. DP feeds on itself, so if you stop doing something because an episode comes on, you feel out of control and unsafe. but if you are bigger than the dp, you find comfort in the knowledge that YOU kept going. try it. keep going when every voice and DP is telling you to stop. it may feel REALLY bad at first, but it can get better. but keep in mind, this is what worked for me. everything is worth trying, right? I truly feel that life is meant to be dynamic, not static - and just by keeping on with whatever you do, makes life dynamic. in a river, a moving stone gathers no moss, right

 

[Dreamland]

Go ahead on with your bad self !!! Keep on keeping on....

 

[ShyTiger]

When you first step out of your comfort zone is it normal that the dp/dr feels worse? I step out, I feel worse, so I run back to my comfort zone. I fear it will make me worse if I push myself. Does anyone else have this problem?

I have this and i think it is an expected response. You are judging your experience by memorys of traumatic ones so u are bound to get an increase in symptoms. You are also reinforcing your behaviour of escaping by the fact your dicomfort abates when you retreat. it is a nasty cycle to get into that becomes a automatic learned response. It is like anticipitory anxiety/panic. Also if you have been avoiding things for a while it takes time to adjust. I today walked down the shops for the first time in 3 months! I knew my body and mind would find it frightening again, but just kept telling myself that it was only dp/panic and that i could handle it. I was extreamly dizzy and dp'd but i just pushed through it using every tactic i could think of! By the time i got to the shops it had lessened. I had had my mum waiting at the shops in case i needed to be driven back but i didnt need it. I did take my dog thou but it was a good first step. i managed then to walk home again and my dp/panic had subsided to almost nothing. It now has me a little more confident on doing it again. Sometimes risks dont pay off and in that case i just remember that it has in the past and i no longer wish to live my life by its rules so id rather take the risks and know it will pay off most times. i have yet to go crazy from taking risks-and iv had that concern for 20 odd years! id rather go into insanity any day than living my life in constant fear of it.

 

[squish_is_me]

Its funny this post appeared! I was sitting all night last night trying to analyze my actions and figure what I am hiding from or dont want to admit or whatever. I think I have figured those things out. It still makes me a little confused because I dont really know what brought on my first, non drug enduced, DR episode! Beyond that I was thinking about how ever since my First non drug DR episode I have made great strides! My first one was a little over a year ago and I was terrified to go anywhere or do anything at first! I slowly but surely forced myself to go out and do things! Over the past year I have become a lot more of the person I used to be! I still often get anxiety when I know I am driving alone or when I am going somewhere new but I force myself to do it! I am not sure but I think it has been more than 6mo since I last declined to do something because I was scared to for fear of having an episode. I have an apt and children and a job in accounting where I have to do things like... i dunno pay people! lol So I have used these things alot to force myself! You cant stay home! You have a job! People need to be paid! You need to be paid! You have bills! You have children to feed! You have a daughter that has been asking to go play outside for 2 wks! Just go!!
The first couple of times I forced myself to go out when I truely didnt feel I could or wanted to it was like hell! I for real thought I was gonna pass out and didnt truely feel any better till we were on our way home! And didnt feel at ease till we got there and I sat down in the safety of my predictable controlled environment of my home! It was hard! Occasionally it still is! I do still have days where we go to head out of the house and I think"I dont know if I am up to this today!" But I refuse to become a recluse! I love the outdoors! I love nature and so do my children! I want to experience life with them and that means leaving the comfy predictable sanctuary!
To be perfectly honest my non-DR Days are less frequent than my DR days I think! The problem is, as I see it, since anxiety and this disorder go hand in hand, my anxiety is what helps keep it going! I was thinking about this this mornin! The First time I had true crypling anxiety was after my first non-drug DR episode in that restaruant. Since then My anxiety and fear of what could happen or what if I have another episode has ran through my mind! I always fear I will say or do something wrong!I ocassionaly wonder if I am acting strange or if others think I have problems! More rescently I have even ,as someone else said, begun wondering if maybe there truely is something more wrong with me! Like I am actually exhibiting first sign of a BPD. (my mother has this and I am terrified I will be one!) But the more I think about it the more I realize I never felt any of these things till I had a DR episode and began living with fear constantly!
Janine's descripion saying many begin to fear fear is so accurate! I told BF about this and he laughed at me histerically! At first I was hurt! Then he said well seriously, I mean you are gonna be afraid of being afraid! What sense does that make! And I am sure most or all of you understand it. But the more I think about that the more I think he is right! It does no good! You have to be the linebacker or whatever it was jophe said and charge through! Fearing the fear keeps you in fear! I am not saying I never have these feeling but I have tried to charge throught them and I think I am gonna push it up a notch!
You know I used to have anxiety about all the stuff I do now like going somewhere new or doing something new or whatever. But NEVER did I have anxiety abouyt a new restaraunt before! That is one of the things I hate the worst! I am still trying ver hard to work on that one! My fist DR happened in a restaraunt so it has been hard to deal with them. Honestly I am still a little afraid of going into the restaraunt where it happened... maybe that should be the next step I take!
I am not sure if I am making any sense or if I am just digressing further and further while continuing to ramble! lol My point is:
I never felt this way about normal stuff before and I constantly think "I miss feeling normal". Well maybe I wont feel normal again but at least I can do what I can to try and fix things so I can feel normal! It seems the more I do high anxiety things the more I have DR moments and the more DR moments I have the more anxiety and so on! BUT... over the past year as I have been facing things head on that has lessened and I have actually learned to be comfortable! I had a night about a month ago where I went out with friends and at the end of the night I actually felt at ease! No high stress! No being freaked out! I actually had a good time! I want more of that! I am not sure how to get rid of this anxiety besides just keep truckin! So that is what I plan to do!!
Trisha