learning to let go
Hello everyone,I hope your all doing well on your trip to recovery, I like all of you am trying my best to heal and I'm getting there. This is a positive post so no fear of stuff bringing you down, I hope this only guides you or brings you up.
Ive had Dp/DR for about 4 years now, it started of as depersonalisation mildly and changed to chronic derealisation after a breakdown and got slowly better for about 2 years and then became dp and dr together.
when the Dp came back after 2 years of derealisation only, that's when I really started to believe that I was making steps to recovery as my thought process was changing. I went from being in a constant fog with hardly any thoughts just sub conscious worrying and analysing of my symptoms which I couldn't stop or understand how to accept or let go off and they all just seemed to be on repeat and never felt like I was making much ground on them recovering from anything emotionally. My symptoms where mainly physical - Hot brain, crawling sensations, mild pains, anxious sweating, sore eyes, face and head pressure and sometimes headaches - which I know probably aren't as common for some people but for me where pretty bad. I think I experienced a lot of trauma not from previous life but from intense stress from the early Derealisation on set that I believe is what has persisted my experience and why its lasted so long.
fast forward to now having Dp and DR things have changed a lot, I had more clarity last year and this year than I had in many years previous, My mind really started to unpick a lot of crap, when it had a chance to clear. I started having times where I really felt myself again, I still have a lot of downs and my downs unfortunately felt worse at times but I also had some really nice ups too.
The thing is I believe DP really does stem from stuck anxiety or trauma not matter what you want to call it trauma or anxiety, you may have not had trauma like I hadn't to begin with until I experienced DP/DR but you still most likely have some type of anxiety or personality trait or have been mildly mistreated my someone you may even love and have no idea you feel a certain way about them and this really isn't healthy for you as a person and your mind has hidden it from you, denying it suppressing it etc. and thats what Dp does it pushes it away until its time to release it, which is why I think some people really feel stuck for some years as there DP/DR is masking something your not ready to feel yet and may also be why some people only experience it briefly because they have no trauma or un processed crap, I have a friend who had it for 6 months after a festival he got it the same way I first got it and many of you have by taking drugs and he just recovered one day out of nowhere, he literally woke one day and it was gone.
From my experience try not to fear, I know its hard and sometimes seemingly impossible but I think your emotions and mind will tell you in your gut what is right or wrong which leads me to the main point of this post. over the last year I have learnt to let go AT TIMES, but not what I would say naturally, I almost had to force it in a way and guess what it does make your DP symptoms better and stops you analysing them, I was taught this by a person who had used similar techniques with acceptance to recover she called it deflating, she said when you feel the symptoms deflate! Now there is a pro and a con to this, in the begging it worked great for me and set me on my path to recovery but as I went down the line and I had setbacks and more emotions, bad memories/trauma and anxiety intense DP/DR that wanted to come out and be processed now forcibly letting go/deflating started to feel un natural and difficult and I would start to feel like a boiling pot of water with steam trying to get out from underneath the lid as I was not naturally allowing my mind to cope which was difficult because a lot of the time when I really let go it felt like my mind wasn't coping at all and was actually making things worse but when I deflated it felt like I was letting go and things suddenly felt better but give it a few days at most and (the boiling pot metaphor) came back to say this isn't the way, so I knew unless I couldn't get myself to let go naturally all this deflating was going to do was slow me down from really finding myself and recovering properly and learning to be at one. which leads me to my main final paragraph.
Im now at a point where I do sometimes feel stuck but I try to let that be as other times I feel free as a bird and I know this is whats right. I have found this realisation through processing the anxiety from the past that has been stuck for many years and its been hard for me to try and accept and let go of these emotions and memories that have haunted me for 4 years but when I did I really started to feel free again, Im now on what I believe is the final stage of recovery for me where Im once again experiencing a lot of Physical symptoms of DR along with DP every day again but I believe this is because my mind is trying to heal the crap that has long caused these symotoms and like anyone will tell you who has recovered, you cant recover without pain and discomfort wether that be emotional or physical symptoms of anxiety or mental health for you as we are all different.
Anyway if you feel stuck like I once did and sometimes still do then please take note from my experience and see that just because you don't feel how you want to right now doesn't mean that in a month or a year or two you won't feel like you again. healing for some can take time and years, and id choose 10 years of suffering over pushing away the way I feel to suffer forever.
Also take it from me and anyone who has recovered that the people you see on here that have been stuck for years have made or commented on sometimes thousands of posts which just means they are constantly on here talking about how they hate DP and DR so much which won't give your mind chance to recover from anything, Just my personal thought, please don't take it to heart if your one of those people.
Peace out fuckers!
Ive had Dp/DR for about 4 years now, it started of as depersonalisation mildly and changed to chronic derealisation after a breakdown and got slowly better for about 2 years and then became dp and dr together.
when the Dp came back after 2 years of derealisation only, that's when I really started to believe that I was making steps to recovery as my thought process was changing. I went from being in a constant fog with hardly any thoughts just sub conscious worrying and analysing of my symptoms which I couldn't stop or understand how to accept or let go off and they all just seemed to be on repeat and never felt like I was making much ground on them recovering from anything emotionally. My symptoms where mainly physical - Hot brain, crawling sensations, mild pains, anxious sweating, sore eyes, face and head pressure and sometimes headaches - which I know probably aren't as common for some people but for me where pretty bad. I think I experienced a lot of trauma not from previous life but from intense stress from the early Derealisation on set that I believe is what has persisted my experience and why its lasted so long.
fast forward to now having Dp and DR things have changed a lot, I had more clarity last year and this year than I had in many years previous, My mind really started to unpick a lot of crap, when it had a chance to clear. I started having times where I really felt myself again, I still have a lot of downs and my downs unfortunately felt worse at times but I also had some really nice ups too.
The thing is I believe DP really does stem from stuck anxiety or trauma not matter what you want to call it trauma or anxiety, you may have not had trauma like I hadn't to begin with until I experienced DP/DR but you still most likely have some type of anxiety or personality trait or have been mildly mistreated my someone you may even love and have no idea you feel a certain way about them and this really isn't healthy for you as a person and your mind has hidden it from you, denying it suppressing it etc. and thats what Dp does it pushes it away until its time to release it, which is why I think some people really feel stuck for some years as there DP/DR is masking something your not ready to feel yet and may also be why some people only experience it briefly because they have no trauma or un processed crap, I have a friend who had it for 6 months after a festival he got it the same way I first got it and many of you have by taking drugs and he just recovered one day out of nowhere, he literally woke one day and it was gone.
From my experience try not to fear, I know its hard and sometimes seemingly impossible but I think your emotions and mind will tell you in your gut what is right or wrong which leads me to the main point of this post. over the last year I have learnt to let go AT TIMES, but not what I would say naturally, I almost had to force it in a way and guess what it does make your DP symptoms better and stops you analysing them, I was taught this by a person who had used similar techniques with acceptance to recover she called it deflating, she said when you feel the symptoms deflate! Now there is a pro and a con to this, in the begging it worked great for me and set me on my path to recovery but as I went down the line and I had setbacks and more emotions, bad memories/trauma and anxiety intense DP/DR that wanted to come out and be processed now forcibly letting go/deflating started to feel un natural and difficult and I would start to feel like a boiling pot of water with steam trying to get out from underneath the lid as I was not naturally allowing my mind to cope which was difficult because a lot of the time when I really let go it felt like my mind wasn't coping at all and was actually making things worse but when I deflated it felt like I was letting go and things suddenly felt better but give it a few days at most and (the boiling pot metaphor) came back to say this isn't the way, so I knew unless I couldn't get myself to let go naturally all this deflating was going to do was slow me down from really finding myself and recovering properly and learning to be at one. which leads me to my main final paragraph.
Im now at a point where I do sometimes feel stuck but I try to let that be as other times I feel free as a bird and I know this is whats right. I have found this realisation through processing the anxiety from the past that has been stuck for many years and its been hard for me to try and accept and let go of these emotions and memories that have haunted me for 4 years but when I did I really started to feel free again, Im now on what I believe is the final stage of recovery for me where Im once again experiencing a lot of Physical symptoms of DR along with DP every day again but I believe this is because my mind is trying to heal the crap that has long caused these symotoms and like anyone will tell you who has recovered, you cant recover without pain and discomfort wether that be emotional or physical symptoms of anxiety or mental health for you as we are all different.
Anyway if you feel stuck like I once did and sometimes still do then please take note from my experience and see that just because you don't feel how you want to right now doesn't mean that in a month or a year or two you won't feel like you again. healing for some can take time and years, and id choose 10 years of suffering over pushing away the way I feel to suffer forever.
Also take it from me and anyone who has recovered that the people you see on here that have been stuck for years have made or commented on sometimes thousands of posts which just means they are constantly on here talking about how they hate DP and DR so much which won't give your mind chance to recover from anything, Just my personal thought, please don't take it to heart if your one of those people.
Peace out fuckers!
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