[peaceboy23]

I feel like I'm learning to crawl again, or walk, or live, or whatever. I'm trying to figure out what it is to have a normal thought process, and it's annoying because I know that for a long, long time I had that thought process and I wasn't obsessing over my thoughts and by the fact that I'm thinking things didn't bother or disturb me or I didnt' have thoughts in my head dthat were screaming in frustration and even fear that i was going to lose it. I feel like there is a part of my brain that is freaking out, screaming in panic becuase it can't get over this dp, it can't connect to myself. I'm scared that I really will collapse eventually and just cry and scream and get locked up becuase that's what I feel in my mind right now. I don't know how I function so normally and so well in the outside world, I really don't, when inside i'm terrified and freaking out at my mind. My minister said something about looking into yourself to find something and it freaked me out, thinking how I would be looking into something that is me that is always there and how can i look into myself when i'm always looking into myself (Like i'm not some robot with compartments that I can just peep into). I have been freaking out at the aloneness of human beings recently, that we are always stuck thinking and doing things on our own in our minds and that only we know what is in our minds and we have to always think. I can't believe that I used to just have thoughts and that was it...how did it come about that now thinking thoughts freaks me out because now they do...i am always monitoring how i'm thinking and what I"m thinking and I dont' know how to STOP and just THINK again and not be thinking about thinking. I feel like i'm living behind myself. Ugh, i'm just so frustrated recently that I'm not getting better. Sorry for the long ramble. Any thoughts?

 

[fingertingle]

I feel the
EXACT
same way. And I am not grasping the concept of living at all.
I've been getting really freaked out by the fact that people are alone inside their own minds, too and I've been getting especially confused by how it appears that they aren't. There seems to be this social stream that I can't attach myself to. Really everyone is alone, but some people just feel that connection and I feel like such a connection would be a delusion for me.

I'm not religious, but the last time I went to church everyone was advised to hand over control to Jesus and let him do all the work. I think that might actually be good advice for all of us........ but I'm not so sure I can convince myself to believe in God in order to be cured.

 

[lavieenrose]

I just spent a week alone and it was the worst idea ever. My brain and me. My brain that will never ever shut up. I agree, we all have to stop listening to ourselves but how in hell do we do that?

It is so strange that we appear so normal on the outside and on the inside everything is screaming. Sometimes I will be having a conversation and I will think how strange it is that all these people think I am so normal, happy even, when in my mind it is just a mess.

 

[Milan]

Yes, thoughts, or should I say observing our thoughts can be so freaky at times. The only way I can stop doing it is to absorb and lose myself in an acitvity or by steering my mind to ruminate on something else, like what will I do this weekend. But this only works when the anxiety is not really intense. When anxiety is at full throttle, nothing seems to help me.

 

[Martinelv]

If I learned one thing from my experiences with DR/DP, if that you never forget how to live. OCD/Depression/Anxiety/Amputations may pause your life, but once you recover you don't have to relearn it.

 

[LISA NICHOLS]

its not as much as that you "forget" it is cos its so alien to us as we have all got into the routine of living with constant fear when that fear is taking away thats like taking the dummy of a baby you got to learn to cope without it

 

[Guest]

Hi Guys,

I'm new to this page and would like to say how much i agree with Lavieenrose's comments. I've been experiencing DR for the last 8 weeks and all i constantly seem to do around work colleagues and friends is say these people think everything's ok with me but inside i'm hurting so bad as i can't stop the obsessive thoughts and constant mind chatter. It's so awesome to find so many others feeling the same as me and now i know i'm not the only one, but 8 weeks ago i thought i was the only one in the world who felt like this, and i wouldn't even tell my GP about it as i thought she'd have me locked up ! Now i talk to her and my therapist quite openly about it and they've been supportive and very understanding - however it's not going away.

 

[Guest]

Hola gang,
It's true...living with this damn thing is really like learning to crawl again! It took me a few years to learn that lesson, but now I have learned a little bit more about how to "work within the boundaries" of my own DP WORLD. One thing that we should all remember...even if it is "learning to crawl" again, you gotta learn that before you can RUN! Hope springs eternal.

I wish you well,

Tony

 

[livinginhell333]

yea i think the same things as well. like how do i look so normal when inside i'm in so much pain. emotional mental pain. and i try to think what its like to think like normal people, or to feel life like they do, but i can't. i don't even look at myself in the mirror nemore unless i'm shaving or brushing my teeth.

 

[jake]

Tony; "hope springs eternal"--gotta love that. I believe we are all seekers just somehow pointed in a dastardly direction. Yet I also believe we each have a flame inside that won't blow out---the one that lites the way. Peace and connection and my best to everybody. GEEEz can ya tell I'm so relieved and proud of myself for goin thru surgery Thursday? It was a real boost to walk thru the fear,
keep on believing, we all will find relief,
--Jake