I find it hard to laugh but i think in a different way. i usually laugh and its like someone else has laughed-like i know it's come from me but it's not what i think my laugh should sound like- it startles me. So i suppress laughing. i'm trying not to but it scares me. that whole sensation. I do the same thing with talking.
I almost never laugh and don't smile too often either, just because I don't feel like it. I'd like to be amused or feel humorous or anything, but it's just not there. I kind of find some things funny but often just annoying, so hopefully I won't be this dull forever. I, I, I.
I dont know. I know when i went to college people always used to tell me to cheer up and so forth, even if i wasnt feeling at all bad. But im pretty sure laughing is one of the greatest things for making me feel whole, although thinking about it i do most of my laughing alone.
Yes if im with other people laughing often feels fake and i even think consciously about when i should laugh and not. But then i also laugh randomly quite a lot whether im alone or with other people (which freaks some people out), just because random amusing thoughts enter my head, and i think its probably some kind of survival strategy to laugh quite regularly (it makes you feel happier after a while).
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