[Stacieb.7]

My head feels weird and im here enough to notice that it feels like concrete i can't stop hating my self/blaming my self for this i shouldn't of smoked weed in the first place but then doesnt help a guy started touching my body and i freaked out more i just blame my self for all of this im scared ill never feel how i did before my head/everything,just over feeling like this
Im scared my brain is damaged, it feels damaged

 

[Lolla_]

I used to have the same thoughts. My dpdr started cuz of my severe anxiety. I used to overthink alot, about my job which I hated, and so many other things. At some point my mind couldnt take it anymore, so I started having insomnia and I was like a zombie. Then the panic attacks would start n I would feel anxious and scarred everyday, it was constant 24/7 and i would hate myself for that cuz nobody did this to me except myself. With the time I started to accept myself, the reality,etc
At some point I thought my brain was damaged cuz of this whole anxiety, fear, insomnia, detachment from reality.. I thought i lost my mind.. I even went to the hospital and made Ct scan which obviously came back normal. I used to have headaches times to times so thats why I freaked out and went to do some tests.
I know its not easy at first, but with time you will see, things will become better.
Im still suffering from anxiety and the dpdr but its not as intense as it used to be.

 

[bintuae]

My head feels weird and im here enough to notice that it feels like concrete i can't stop hating my self/blaming my self for this i shouldn't of smoked weed in the first place but then doesnt help a guy started touching my body and i freaked out more i just blame my self for all of this im scared ill never feel how i did before my head/everything,just over feeling like this
Im scared my brain is damaged, it feels damaged

I feel the same thing except for me the culprit was an antidepressant not weed. It did something to my brain and I feel it's just getting worse and worse. I don't want to live anymore.

 

[Psyborg]

I also always think I have ruined my brain with all the antidepressants and with stopping them abruptly several times and because of all the alcohol and sometimes week I smoked etc.

but I doubt it . my psychiatrist said I didnt ruin anything . he said the problem is that when you stop taking the meds the starting anxiety and depression will just turn back . and I think it turns back way worse but it will probably lower itself after some time

I dont think you ruined anything with weed either . I mean you are not even schizophrenic because of the weed (no you arent and no you wont be . and even schizophrenia is treatable ) . it just made you more anxious and depersonalized but that will go away . you just have to do something against it and also give your brain time to "recover"

 

[bintuae]

I also always think I have ruined my brain with all the antidepressants and with stopping them abruptly several times and because of all the alcohol and sometimes week I smoked etc.

but I doubt it . my psychiatrist said I didnt ruin anything . he said the problem is that when you stop taking the meds the starting anxiety and depression will just turn back . and I think it turns back way worse but it will probably lower itself after some time

I dont think you ruined anything with weed either . I mean you are not even schizophrenic because of the weed (no you arent and no you wont be . and even schizophrenia is treatable ) . it just made you more anxious and depersonalized but that will go away . you just have to do something against it and also give your brain time to "recover"

First, you shouldn't give your full trust to pdocs. In some cases they're clueless. when it comes to dp, it only becomes more obvious how it's true.

Second, I've never been the same person ever since I stopped taking antidepressants 5 years ago. I have developed new illnesses like depression (apathetic), moodiness, physical pain, sexual dysfunction and many more and I'm STILL suffering from them till this day. How do you explain this? Can you even imagine that I started back on antidepressants just to treat the depression and those other issues which I never had before?!

Many people think it's the original depression or anxiety returning back strong after antidepressants, BUT there are people who never had depression or panic attacks before or issues with sleep or sexual problems, then they suddenly develop these shit after taking ADs! The lines get blurred when you have the same illness coming back and you may not realize that the worsening (than the pre-drug state) is actually induced by the drug itself, which had created a chemical imbalance that wasn't there in the first place.

Also, not all sufferers of dp have anxiety or depression, some feel emotionally numb. On paxil (an ad to treat anxiety), depersonalization is literally written as a possible side effect and other meds too. While there are those who have improved with time, butmost never found themselves getting back to 100% as they used to be pre-drug. like a physical wound it may heal but it will still leave a scar

 

[Chip1021]

There was a very famous study performed a few years back claiming that they found schizophrenogenic legions (I.e. Lesions in the brain specifically associated with schizphrenic symptoms). It was widely publicized and had hailed as THE definitive proof that schizophrenia is a brain disease that the neuroleptics were treating.

Only one tiny problem with the study: the authors had (somehow) neglected to control for the fact that most of the schizophrenics studied had been on heavy anti-psychotics for years. When the study was followed up with one that takes into account that variable, they found no difference.

Now, how you can call yourself a scientist as somehow simply forget to make such an obvious control is just unconscionable to me. But the real kicker is this: since there were lesions in the brain associated not with schizophrenia, but rather with psychiatric drug use, did the psychiatric community then come to the conclusion that their drugs caused those lesions?

Nope. No follow-up studies were ever performed.

The moral of this story: DP and any kind of psychological distress can be miserable and terrifying, and we are all desperately searching for relief. experiment with psych drugs like you might experiment with street drugs or herbal supplements, but...caveat emptor. Do not trust a damn thing your pdoc tells you about your symptoms and the "medicines" they use to treat them. An MD doesn't make him any better than a common street dealer. He doesn't know you better than you do. Trust your feelings and instincts.

 

[Psyborg]

First, you shouldn't give your full trust to pdocs. In some cases they're clueless. when it comes to dp, it only becomes more obvious how it's true.

Second, I've never been the same person ever since I stopped taking antidepressants 5 years ago. I have developed new illnesses like depression (apathetic), moodiness, physical pain, sexual dysfunction and many more and I'm STILL suffering from them till this day. How do you explain this? Can you even imagine that I started back on antidepressants just to treat the depression and those other issues which I never had before?!

Many people think it's the original depression or anxiety returning back strong after antidepressants, BUT there are people who never had depression or panic attacks before or issues with sleep or sexual problems, then they suddenly develop these shit after taking ADs! The lines get blurred when you have the same illness coming back and you may not realize that the worsening (than the pre-drug state) is actually induced by the drug itself, which had created a chemical imbalance that wasn't there in the first place.

Also, not all sufferers of dp have anxiety or depression, some feel emotionally numb. On paxil (an ad to treat anxiety), depersonalization is literally written as a possible side effect and other meds too. While there are those who have improved with time, butmost never found themselves getting back to 100% as they used to be pre-drug. like a physical wound it may heal but it will still leave a scar

so what do you want me or others to say ? that we are fucked and "it's over" ?

thats what my mind also wants to make me believe sometimes but ultimately I dont think thats true

you are right that our docs dont know some things . I mean they didnt take the meds so they cant know how it feels . my doc lately said for example "sulpiride causes weight gain simply because it triggers appetite" which is NOT True . I took it (and not even often) and gained a lot of weight without eating more . they just cant know some things because they havent taken the meds themsleves . they also dont know how horrible the withdrawals feel and they dont know and some probbaly dont even care that it can cause dp . I developed dp/dr mostly because med withdrawal btw. ...so there you go

but I do think that the things the meds have caused ...will go away with time . the brain and the nervous system have to heal and get back on a good balance again which the meds have fucked up

thats also why it is important to taper the meds off very slowly . I made the mistake to stop them abruptly several times

my sister took celexa for 2 years (even though I said she shouldnt) and after she stopped them (she tapered it off in 2-3 months or so) she had the worst time in her life . I have never seen her like that . she was a wreck . she also thought life is over and she wanted to die . trust me it was very serious . it went several months . now she is very normal again

I also mostly med free since 5-6 months . I only take / took something in small doses sporadically . and I feel WAY better than in 2018 where I landed in the psychiatric emergency several times and thought my life is over

I am still not feeling "good" . my nervous system is fucked . I am having obsessions and panic etc. and my dp is also still there even though it is a lot better . but it does get better with time . I think the main problem is that it is sometimes not possible to "wait" until the bad things go away because they are so intense so there is no option to take meds again for relief . but thats why tapering off very slowly and getting help otherwise by people you love and also maybe a therapist is the only way to come out of this shit

 

[bintuae]

so what do you want me or others to say ? that we are fucked and "it's over" ?

thats what my mind also wants to make me believe sometimes but ultimately I dont think thats true

you are right that our docs dont know some things . I mean they didnt take the meds so they cant know how it feels . my doc lately said for example "sulpiride causes weight gain simply because it triggers appetite" which is NOT True . I took it (and not even often) and gained a lot of weight without eating more . they just cant know some things because they havent taken the meds themsleves . they also dont know how horrible the withdrawals feel and they dont know and some probbaly dont even care that it can cause dp . I developed dp/dr mostly because med withdrawal btw. ...so there you go

but I do think that the things the meds have caused ...will go away with time . the brain and the nervous system have to heal and get back on a good balance again which the meds have fucked up

thats also why it is important to taper the meds off very slowly . I made the mistake to stop them abruptly several times

my sister took celexa for 2 years (even though I said she shouldnt) and after she stopped them (she tapered it off in 2-3 months or so) she had the worst time in her life . I have never seen her like that . she was a wreck . she also thought life is over and she wanted to die . trust me it was very serious . it went several months . now she is very normal again

I also mostly med free since 5-6 months . I only take / took something in small doses sporadically . and I feel WAY better than in 2018 where I landed in the psychiatric emergency several times and thought my life is over

I am still not feeling "good" . my nervous system is fucked . I am having obsessions and panic etc. and my dp is also still there even though it is a lot better . but it does get better with time . I think the main problem is that it is sometimes not possible to "wait" until the bad things go away because they are so intense so there is no option to take meds again for relief . but thats why tapering off very slowly and getting help otherwise by people you love and also maybe a therapist is the only way to come out of this shit

You didn't explain why I'm still dysfunctional now for 5-6 damn years?! You see, no one can predict whether a particular person is able to recover or not. Everyone has a different body makeup. How we respond to medications is also not the same. Some do not find problems after stopping even if it was abruptly, but some do so much they become dysfunctional.

You should look into 'Surviving antidepressants' forum, Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome, Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. Tapering very slowly only lessens WD symptoms' severity but that's because the drug is still in your system. The problem arises when you arrive at 0 mg and stop completely.

Btw which AD were you on? How long have you been without it? I was on Paxil for 7 years and it honestly felt like I was on a street drug.

 

[Psyborg]

You didn't explain why I'm still dysfunctional now for 5-6 damn years?! You see, no one can predict whether a particular person is able to recover or not. Everyone has a different body makeup. How we respond to medications is also not the same. Some do not find problems after stopping even if it was abruptly, but some do so much they become dysfunctional.

You should look into 'Surviving antidepressants' forum, Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome, Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. Tapering very slowly only lessens WD symptoms' severity but that's because the drug is still in your system. The problem arises when you arrive at 0 mg and stop completely.

Btw which AD were you on? How long have you been without it? I was on Paxil for 7 years and it honestly felt like I was on a street drug.

I do think your sexual dysfunction will improve and even completely stop after some more time . it can take 1 year or 5 years or 10 years who knows ....we cant know but it will stop eventually imo . also dont forget that when you are depressed your libido goes down dramatically too so that has an impact too

and trust me I also am scared of having ruined my brain and life with all the meds etc. . I know that forum and it also gave me hope and I joined there too

I took paxil when I was 19 for a year . I took celexa when I was 25/26 for 1-2 years . I took effexor for 2 years or so , I took lexapro for many months , took prozac for 1-2 years , seroquel , perazine , solian for 2 weeks , sulpiride for a few months but only sometimes when needed ,

and I abruptly stopped celexa + lexapro + prozac too abrubtly . seroquel too but my doc told me to stop and it was ok . but I did the most damage with stopping celexa - lexapro - prozac . especially after lexapro my world was ruined basically ...that was 3 years ago or so

the problem with these fucking drugs is that they raise certain hormones in your brain which make you feel "good" ....( I actually dont even think they make you feel that good necessarily but rather numb the anxiety and depression ...it basically surpresses them but doesnt cure them . and it raises your mood somewhat) . and when you then stop taking them the hormones are not there anymore and your brains is like "wtf ? where are the goodies ? " and the bad side which causes you anxiety and panic and depression suddenly wins dramatically and since the drugs have not cured anything your starting anxiety and depression comes back with 10000 times more force and BOOM ....your nervous system gets out of whack , you feel shit like never before , you can develop DP , you can become suicidal .

thats basically simialr to when you go out drinking with your friends and feel good and the alcohol makes you feel joyful but then the next day when you wake up you feel horrible . I felt horrible for 2 weeks sometimes even when I drank too much and the brain needs to regulate itself again .

 

[bintuae]

I do think your sexual dysfunction will improve and even completely stop after some more time . it can take 1 year or 5 years or 10 years who knows ....we cant know but it will stop eventually imo . also dont forget that when you are depressed your libido goes down dramatically too so that has an impact too

and trust me I also am scared of having ruined my brain and life with all the meds etc. . I know that forum and it also gave me hope and I joined there too

I took paxil when I was 19 for a year . I took celexa when I was 25/26 for 1-2 years . I took effexor for 2 years or so , I took lexapro for many months , took prozac for 1-2 years , seroquel , perazine , solian for 2 weeks , sulpiride for a few months but only sometimes when needed ,

and I abruptly stopped celexa + lexapro + prozac too abrubtly . seroquel too but my doc told me to stop and it was ok . but I did the most damage with stopping celexa - lexapro - prozac . especially after lexapro my world was ruined basically ...that was 3 years ago or so

the problem with these fucking drugs is that they raise certain hormones in your brain which make you feel "good" ....( I actually dont even think they make you feel that good necessarily but rather numb the anxiety and depression ...it basically surpresses them but doesnt cure them . and it raises your mood somewhat) . and when you then stop taking them the hormones are not there anymore and your brains is like "wtf ? where are the goodies ? " and the bad side which causes you anxiety and panic and depression suddenly wins dramatically and since the drugs have not cured anything your starting anxiety and depression comes back with 10000 times more force and BOOM ....your nervous system gets out of whack , you feel shit like never before , you can develop DP , you can become suicidal .

thats basically simialr to when you go out drinking with your friends and feel good and the alcohol makes you feel joyful but then the next day when you wake up you feel horrible . I felt horrible for 2 weeks sometimes even when I drank too much and the brain needs to regulate itself again .

I have genital anesthesia on top of sexual dysfunction. How great, isn't it? What you've described is called tardive dysphoria. One actually knowledgeable doctor (finally) wrote about it.

I do hope that one day I return to baseline however long that might take. Has it been a year for you since you stopped all psychiatric drugs?

 

[Psyborg]

I have genital anesthesia on top of sexual dysfunction. How great, isn't it? What you've described is called tardive dysphoria. One actually knowledgeable doctor (finally) wrote about it.
I do hope that one day I return to baseline however long that might take. Has it been a year for you since you stopped all psychiatric drugs?

I think you will . what meds did you take and for how long ?

I am not completely drug free I am taking small doses sometimes even if it is just a sedative . but I am mostly drug free since 5 months or so

 

[bintuae]

I think you will . what meds did you take and for how long ?

I am not completely drug free I am taking small doses sometimes even if it is just a sedative . but I am mostly drug free since 5 months or so

I was on Paxil for nearly 8 years, Prozac, wellbutrin, valdoxan, anafranil few months, Cymbalta and Trintellix a year, Pristiq 3 years, and lamictal 10 years (totally dysfunctional now I have no choice now but to start paxil again

 

[fieldsmatt31]

Bintuae,

I believe it works like this.

You don't ever 'recover', at least in the sense that things go back to 'normal' or how things 'used to be'.

You go on growing and changing. Mostly, you have to develop and nurture your self. You strengthen your weaknesses. You work from where you are and you try your hardest and things get easier for you. You make your life more enjoyable. You learn how to live.

If you are 'dysfunctional', you can work on gradually developing new skills and thus become more 'functional'. You gotta work at it tho. Eventually you become stronger. You will, if you work at it. If you want to be healthy mentally and physically you can but you have to work at it. You can see noticeable effects after only a few weeks of proper nurturing.

I too used to do meds but I realized that if I ever wanted to be strong and healthy I will have to face my condition and face life as it is on my own. So I worked at it. I practiced. Over time I gradually came off the meds. It was very hard. Withdrawals can be very terrible, but they go away. Eventually, I went on with my life without any meds. It was hard. I was 'dysfunctional'. People can see I was weird. People could see I was dysfunctional. People would pick on me and be mean and take advantage. But I didn't care. I was determined more then anything to be strong. Eventually I become strong.

I would take jobs like landscaping and tree trimming, jobs that were outdoors because it was more suitable for the type of condition I was in. Other men would pick fights with me. I learned how to fight. I'm strong.

You're the same way. You're a human being. If we're talking depersonalization, anxiety, depression then I understand and I know the same rules apply to you. You have to work at it. You have to develop strength. You don't be lazy. You be active. You find solutions. You learn how you can make your self healthier and stronger mentally and physically. You face your fears. You strengthen your weaknesses.

I took a public speaking class when I was 28. I was a mess. I felt that everyone would see the years of trauma and years of being a fucking freak. I did it anyways. I did it four times. The first time i was the worst of all the students, I could hardly speak. The fourth speech, I was cracking jokes. Fuck it. And I'll do it again and again and again. My point is, you get better at it. Even if you think you're dysfunctional, you do it anyways until you become functional.

You grow. You learn. You live.

 

[colors]

???? Good-luck. Although a 2 steps forward one step back for a few years occured, I was able to be released from dp/dr. Sleep, no stimulants (alcohol, illicit drugs, smoking, caffeine), exercise, meditation. A slow process of building good habits, I'm still far from perfect, but had the same attitude as yourself. Although I didn't take a physical labour path, I pushed through 4 years of university.