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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As I posted before , before I went on vacation July 2-9 I was doing much better. For some reason I started having palpatations, which made my anxiety worse, which made my DP/DR worse.

I am taking a stand today, I am puting it in writing because I find that when I write something down it means more. I have had enough of this crap, enough of this self monitoring, " AM I Real?" DO I feel better now then I did a minute ago, am I going to have another Palpatation? Am I going to die, or go crazy or loose control in the next minute.

I am coming out, I no longer want to feed myself to this unrelenting animal.... I don't want to live life like a freak in a side show any longer. If focusing outward is a key to recovery, I am going to focus outward away from symptoms, a way from obsessing. I am going to try an focus on my son and helping him into manhood, of looking forward to seeing him graduate highschool in three years. This is my life , not that of this anxiety driven monster that wants to suck me up one drop of blood at a time, it wants my time, I am not going to give it the pleasure. I am going to starve the bastard to death.

I am going to accept that if I want to get better it starts right here right now. It is a battle of acceptance and moving forward. I was better before I will be better again.. I am the same KC inside I was before this hit. I am putting up notice. enough is enough. KC is going to slay the dragon come hell or high water. It has sucked enough of the life juice out of me, now lets turn the tables, lets suck the life out it.
Am I crazy? Maybe so what? Am I real, Damn straight Im Real, who said I wasn't. Do things look wierd sometimes , oh well then they look wierd sometimes.

It is time to stand up and to stop focusing on this issue. So if I don't post here for awhile , it isn't because I don't care about you guys. I can't keep obsessing on this crap any longer.. I haven't decided if me coming here is keeping me in that mindset.... I know it has helped do stuff like I am doing now, which is venting. No More then that summoning courage from every recess of my mind to say STOP it ,, STOP it ..... Turn the other way and march back to being the whole person. Don't keep giving the monster the power. Just like when we were kids, we would think there were monsters under the bed or in the closet. There never was. This monster is just as made up out the stupid symptoms we have. Ok you are not scaring me anymore, what's the worse you can do to me , make me a drolling idiot, well I won't know it if it does will I. If I go so crazy and so delussional.. I won't know it will I. If it kills me, I won't know it will I. So what it is is FEAR , Fear of the unknown. Fear of the Unlikely. No more.... So either I win or I loose. But It has got to stop , starting today , starting now, No more giving in .
 

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kc, i've read alot of your posts so far, i'm just curious if you ever thought about going to therapy? any meds are you taking?
 

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Move over KC - i'm jumping on your band wagon. Time to get tough with this s**t as I've also had enough. Lifes too short. What your about to do, I believe, is the only way out of this hell. Lets do it!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Universal,Yes, I am in Therapy... and no .. not on meds any more.. and Milan and Space... Lets go .. lets get this done... No more monsters... no more BS... Wasted enough life worrying, lets live each moment to the best of our ability, and when the freaking monster runs out of food.. he'll starve to death and we are free. Universal these are not the writings of a mad man, just some metaphors to fire me up to kick some ass and stop fueling the fire. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose! What do I have to loose with getting angry and slaying the metaphoric dragon.

God Bless us All.. Let the quest begin!
 

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Makes you want to go on a road trip... Philly, Pittsburg, see something unusual, or something ordinary, but you will definitely see something DIFFERENT.
 

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Don't keep giving the monster power is your words. Reading this I can hear your frustration. Living with this illness is frightening and painful and it hurts down to the deepest level of one's soul. Giving attention to the illness keeps it alive is what I hear you saying. There was a time when I used to call my illness lots of names but in time I soon realized that I was the illness. It is part of me, it is me. By my critizing the parts of me that were not feeling well I was actually critizing myself. In order for me to be well I had to comes to realize everytime I put down the illness I was making myself feel worse. I was putting myself down. When I started to learn to live with the illness as part of who I am at this point in my life it became much easier for me. I did not feel like I was in a constant battle. It is like sitting in a room and saying okay, I am on this side of the room and the dp is on the other, separating yourself from your illness may make it harder to heal. This is just how I feel we all feel differently and have our own views, for me the moment I started accepting that my heart raced, I have dp/dr, I feel sick sometimes, these are all my emotions and part of me. I no longer run away from me and it is now helping me to slowly heal.

gem.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I agree, that is why in my post I mentioned, Hey what can it do to me,, If I go crazy, I won't know it... If I die from it I won't know it, so what fear can it hold over me , or you or anyone else if ultimately it can't hurt. If I starve it I am not battling , I recognize it , I accept it but I don't have to feed it...
 

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forward on! i hear thy prayers ... this monster will not go easily but neither will we! ohh yeah, like gem said you have to treat it better, or else it just gets hungrier. i have accepted that i have a problem, but not in a pacifist way, even more in an active way. and anyway i've not even been diagnosed yet (i may just have a severe case of panic disorder/agoraphobia) always look in the bright side of life...

(by the way physical exercises every morning kicks ass)
try doing some push-ups and sit ups every morning, really will energize you and give you more strength (plus improves your metabolism)
 
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