Back in June, someone I knew about took MDMA (ecstasy) and jumped off a building and killed him self. My friends and I got news of it and my friend started making fun of him dying and me being ignorant I joked about myself also. Fast forward to September, I ended up getting depersonalization, a mild case so I wasn't so worried about it. But a few days later I ended up doing a lot of MDMA myself and thought I was gonna die, ended up in the emergency room. I left the hospital the next day and that's when my depersonalization was brutal, anxiety was sky high. Since then its been hell and i can only think that I've been cursed or it karma. Its like all I can think about is jumping over a bridge, its like that what I get for making fun of him. I wish I would of never joked about the incident. Its been haunting for damn near five months. I wish I can not think about it, but I do. I can go days, hell even weeks without it bothering me, but it still haunts me. I do not want to die, even tho this depersonalization is hell. I feel like I'm cursed. I scared to even go by a bridge cause I'm scared I'll go crazy and do it.