Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
645 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm kind of bored at work, so I just thought I'd express some words to my DP people...

I've been dealing with this "mental stuff" for many years. I've always been a shy person. Always been a Mama's boy. Always paid close attention to the decisions I've made and how they will affect my parents expectations. I have always wondered what people think of me. I've always had different views than the norm of society (i.e., sex, drugs, etc.) Lately, I just feel less and less that I am a part of this earth. I honestly don't see my purpose here. I don't have any emotions. I don't cry, I don't laugh, I just exist. And though I exist, I am isolated from the world that I am in. Isolated from it as it relates to feelings, actions, vision, sounds, interests, anything. It's like someone put me on this earth, but forget to give me the ability to feel, understand and know how to feel about being on this earth.
I am 25 years old. I have a good family. A great brother. Good friends. I pray every day and attend church every Sunday. I eat healthy, I exercise 4-5 times a week, I drink plenty of water all day, I get the right amount of sleep. I see a therapist and I have trial and errored many anti-depressants, yet, here I am, physically sick since Tuesday and mentally sick since half my life. Why? Though I do everything healthy as mentioned above, since my thinking is unhealthy, it makes my life an utter doom. What is the point? Honestly. I can just tell that I am just deterirating. I've been physically sick three times in the last year. Each time I had a fever, aches, the chills, sweats, a cough, a sore throat. Three times this year! And during my four years of college, from 1998-2002, I got sick once! And in high school, I can't remember getting sick more than twice! And ya know what? I drank heavily in college, didn't get as much sleep, partied, was way busier than I am now, and ate less healthy then. So why now have I gotten sick three times in one year? I am sorry that I am all over the place, but I am just frustrated. Frustrated that I have to live my life like this. I feel like I'll never get married and have kids, because hell I can barely find enough mental energy to live my own life and most of the time, I wonder how I do that. How the hell am I supposed to have a wife and raise kids in this capacity? I have NO feelings. NONE. The only feelings I have are fear and frustration. Thats it. Sure, I have my weeks where I feel a little better, but I never know when I am going to feel shitty and DPed and depressed again. I hate it. How are we to deal with this? Why should we be summonded to be in a place where we don't even feel attached to and mentally a part of....why is it fair that we feel isolated from the world we are in?...what makes it right that we have this disorder?...why do we have to put up with this and live like this..why?
 
G

·
no answers for you Kel, just wanted to thank you for sharing. I'm sure many people here can relate.

What keeps me going is looking forward, with hope. Today may suck, but tomorrow could be the best one yet.
Stay strong my friend.
 
G

·
Kelson, It sux, its not fair I know. But, there are people out there who are suffering worse than us. What if you were intellectually disabled? You would physically be here but mentally gone. You could have down Syndrome or any other disease. These people have this stuff for life, they learn to cope with it, get married have kids & live a happy life. We don't have this for life, we can recover.

I am in recovery, I have my days of anxiety with splashes of dp/dr. The only thing that drags me out of it is when I sit & relax in front of the tv & just concentrate on what I am watching. When I stop listening to my thoughts & concentrate on the world that I am in. Ofcourse when I do have the horrid days I turn inwards I can't shut up inside my head but I know that if I just tell it to piss off constantly & keep focusing outwards it will pass.

There are many many many of us that have been through this hell & I would not wish it on my worse enemy. All I can say is get up each day & focus outwards, its not going to go away immediately, but each time you retrain your mind to focus outwards is going to be your step to recovery.
 
G

·
i am going through the exact same thing as you kelson. the lack of emotional feelings suck.... and i dont know how to fix it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
215 Posts
The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride...
Bill Hicks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
645 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Depersonalized said:
The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride...
Bill Hicks
Thanks....but in my honest opinion this ride sucks. And lately the brief ups aren't good enough to combat the horrible downs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
733 Posts
it is tiring but don't worry...have faith...you will meet someone who loves you for who you are, dp and all. 25 is still very young. just be patient and try to be a good person, despite your difficulties. :D and the depersonalization could go away at any time...for good. so don't give up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
645 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks Agent Cooper. Being a good person is (and has always been) my number one focus. But, I feel like I am so different from the norm of society and it makes me feel isolated.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top