[kchendrix]

We know we're here, but it feels like we're not,
We feel like we're going crazy but we know we're not.
We know magical thinking isn't real, but we keep trying it, thinking it will keep us here.
Things don't look real, but they really are.
Fear, Fantasy, Daydreaming all contribute to locking us up.
We know the way out, but it is so hard to let go, so afraid that if we do we will give up ourselves forever.
Don't fight it, just focus outwards, on anything but the thoughts. The dreaded thoughts. The thoughts that rule our days and torment our nights. Yes it is a living hell, but it is our own hell.
Just for a piece of Heaven. Just for Peace of mind, what I wouldn't give to feel like I did before this happened.

I'm lost most the time, and oh those couple of seconds of being real that I get once in awhile....if I could only multiply them.
We all know that the constant monitoring is a foolish pursuit. We have to figure this out so we think, but isn't thinking the root of the problem. I don't know maybe this is just a bunch of garbage I am writing, but it is what I am feeling right now , in the moment. It isn't about winning or loosing it is about Living . Sometimes this hurts us so bad... but some how some way life goes on. What a waste to spend it in wait of going crazy.....

 

[jake]

KC all I can say to your post is simply AMEN!!! Especially the last sentence.

Hang in there, it can't go on 4ever,
__Jake

 

[lavieenrose]

Double amen. Sometimes you just need someone to say it well because you try to say it to yourself and it just does not work.

The only thing to fear is fear itself right? Too bad fear is sooo scary.

 

[widescreened]

Nice one.Id say looking back and wishing to be the way you were before the dp/dr started is a useless exercise.It only angers and frustrates you,guilt and blame then arrive.Personally i think the way we were before dp we were busy building the foundations for it,putting things off,abusing drugs and alcohol,running and trying to escape from something.Next time you look back,remember these 3 lines;

The past is perspective
The future is potential
The present is a gift

 

[Martinelv]

Excellent stuff.

It really is worthwhile writing down your thoughts and worries, because in your head they feel and sound so much more serious. In the past I've written some things down - about how I feel, what I obsess about, and in the cold light of day I look at and think; "What the hell am I worrying about."

 

[Milan]

KC - Got the warm and fuzzies with your post. Thanks for reminding us not to waste our time with this demon.

 

[kchendrix]

THanks for allowing me to vent here from time to time and hopefully I can help some of you also. We are like some kind of big functional dysfunctional family aren't we. I hope that one day we all get to breathe sweet freedom full time and live our lives out in a much more productive way. It is amazing how much time is devoured with dp/dr anxiety/depression. I struggle each day.. but if there is one thing I have learned , make yourself do stuff, get out of the bed, you can do it, walk to the store , drive the car, play video games, work in your yard, what ever you do , don't just sit there, or lie there, it will only make you feel worse. You can be scared out mowing the lawn just as easy as laying in bed.

I know it is easier said then done, but that is the one thing I have learned through all this crap. Maybe one day my chemistry or mind set or what ever we believe causes all this... one day it will be back to normal or near normal....

NO ONE quits here!! OK....

KC

 

[Milan]

Agree KC, just keep doing stuff no matter what. At least whilst being committed to a task there is much more chance of being distracted and losing yourself (in a good way) in the activity. You may look back and realise that an hour has past and there was no fear or DP/DR.

Speaking of doing things I meant to ride by bike to work today, like I use to, but pulled out at the last minute. Spent an hour getting ready for it last night, preparing the bike, lunch, change of clothes etc, and was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately I had a bad nights sleep and got bad anxiety this morning which made me change my mind. I really hate it when I plan something and this crap precludes me from doing it. I'll try again in a couple of days time. My goal is to get a good nights sleep each night and ride at least a couple of times week to work. I know when that happens my DP/DR will have less chance of getting a strangle hold on me.

I'm really starting to believe that the only way out of this mess is through the passage of time, keeping yourself busy, trying not to focus on your symptoms and some good luck.

 

[kchendrix]

I know all about the bad nights sleep... Sometime I think it is the anxiety of us making the plans, Our minds want to try and put the doubt in our ability so we loose sleep over it. I had that happen I was planning to go fishing and didn't get any sleep so I backed out..... Well my therapist said to keep on trying to keep on going ... So I am and I will ...Keep up the good work Milan... we're going to make it...I owe it to my kids and grandchildren and wife and to myself to get better.

 

[enngirl5]

Good post kc. It really helps when someone posts something like this every once in a while to remind ourselves that it is just the fear that is holding us back. To try not to be too afraid and just get on with life as best you can. The more you get on with things, get a job, a hobby, whatever, that's when dp/dr/anxiety starts taking a back seat while you are spending your time thinking about other things besides your mental anguish. Just wanted to show my appreciation for you great post.