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Just need reassuring again, Janine, anyone.

840 Views 4 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  edfgreen
Recently I've started to suspect that I am actually going mad, that I am in fact scizophrenic. It's been over two years since I last obsessed over this.
I don't know why it's come back all of a sudden, but sometimes I am convinced that I am going mad. It's just that my thinking has become increasingly outlandish and weird.
It's as if I'm forcing myself to think the weirdest thought possible. When I say weird I mean WEIRD. I can't really be bothered to describe any of these thoughts, but they tend to be about the nature of reality, mind/matter etc.
So how can I tell that I'm not going mad? Or should I just chcek myself into a psych unit or something?
Lord I'm sick of this crap.
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I have nothing to add that will help Axel, except to say that i can totally understand what you mean, as i'm going through the same thing. I have little fits where i think, Wow, i really am nuts! It's even starting to act itself out in places, especially work where i'm beginning to express myself in more and more bizarre ways. I even sometimes hear myself say something and think, "Wow...i sound like a lunatic. Cool it, mr. sebastian. Maintain normality."

I've plummeted depths i'd hitherto thought impossible to reach with a mortal mind. I've faced fears of an unspeakable nature. Night after night i go to bed, convinced i've slipped past the point of no return.

All this "Don't worry, you're not going crazy" stuff used to soothe me quite a bit until i realized, What the hell difference does it make, if I'm not "crazy" by society's standards. Life is still a perpetual stalemate. I can't seem to unwrap my mind and think right again. The sebastian from years past has been buried somewhere in amongst the ethereal tapestries of space and time, and i've lost that person and all his memories forever. Crazy...sounds like bliss. Well, not really. But i remember when i had hope...when there was still a chance...and i don't feel that anymore.

Anyway, there's nothing more for me to add here. You're not alone in any case, axel.

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