I have nothing to add that will help Axel, except to say that i can totally understand what you mean, as i'm going through the same thing. I have little fits where i think, Wow, i really am nuts! It's even starting to act itself out in places, especially work where i'm beginning to express myself in more and more bizarre ways. I even sometimes hear myself say something and think, "Wow...i sound like a lunatic. Cool it, mr. sebastian. Maintain normality."
I've plummeted depths i'd hitherto thought impossible to reach with a mortal mind. I've faced fears of an unspeakable nature. Night after night i go to bed, convinced i've slipped past the point of no return.
All this "Don't worry, you're not going crazy" stuff used to soothe me quite a bit until i realized, What the hell difference does it make, if I'm not "crazy" by society's standards. Life is still a perpetual stalemate. I can't seem to unwrap my mind and think right again. The sebastian from years past has been buried somewhere in amongst the ethereal tapestries of space and time, and i've lost that person and all his memories forever. Crazy...sounds like bliss. Well, not really. But i remember when i had hope...when there was still a chance...and i don't feel that anymore.
Anyway, there's nothing more for me to add here. You're not alone in any case, axel.
s.
I've plummeted depths i'd hitherto thought impossible to reach with a mortal mind. I've faced fears of an unspeakable nature. Night after night i go to bed, convinced i've slipped past the point of no return.
All this "Don't worry, you're not going crazy" stuff used to soothe me quite a bit until i realized, What the hell difference does it make, if I'm not "crazy" by society's standards. Life is still a perpetual stalemate. I can't seem to unwrap my mind and think right again. The sebastian from years past has been buried somewhere in amongst the ethereal tapestries of space and time, and i've lost that person and all his memories forever. Crazy...sounds like bliss. Well, not really. But i remember when i had hope...when there was still a chance...and i don't feel that anymore.
Anyway, there's nothing more for me to add here. You're not alone in any case, axel.
s.
