Hi everyone,
I am new here (obviously). I am 53 years old, a mom, an artist, writer and scholar, and survivor of childhood sexual, psychological and emotional abuse.
Two months ago I had a breakdown when my father died: my C-PTSD blew up so badly I could no longer function,. I was flooded with suicidal ideation and self-harm urges. Because I have children, I did not give in to any of those urges, but I did drink to excess... and sought help. I wound up in a trauma/rehab facility for 30 days, and got home a week ago.
I have been in therapy for decades... facing many layers of truth and pain...and now I am facing the fact that the net effect of the many traumas I experienced is a dissociated ego. I have "self-states" that exist apart from my everyday consciousness. I am still me when I experience them, but they are overwhelmingly intense and in anguish.
It is awful to learn about it... and yet a relief. Because this form of DID explains my memory lapses, my discontinuous experience of myself, life and the world, relationship problems, career problems, and a chronically broken heart.
I am relieved but scared, and overwhelmed thinking about the amount of work I need to do. I have just signed on with a new therapist who had outlined a phased treatment program and I think she is really going to help me.
But meanwhile I really need to talk with others who are experiencing something similar. Support, understanding, maybe even friendship.....
