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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here is my story!
Well what I felt was, I was taking a bath and used it (the pot with a pipe) there. How much? I used it 2 full sips and 3 half sips, half sips are when it was in my mouth i cought. So it start itching in the upper side in mouth. So I thought what am I doing my body s telling me that it doesn't wanted. So I stoped. Like a minute or two I don't remember exacly the time my first thought was it's starting. I start to see everything strange like a huge sea-sick. Then I thought my Mind has blown up, my mind has gone, that was the feeling, and for get it worst then the time was gone too. Then I freak out I was terrifyied.
So I standed up and I think I call the person who gave me the crip
I called him several times and ask him what do I suppose to fell, that if that was normal and how long it would last and I beg him to came to my house and stay by my side. I was alone. For get things worts my parents came so I was loked up in my room, and my mohter ask me if I was ok, then I knew right there that I could act normal so that scared me even more, because I then thought Ho My God out side I look fine but inside I'm gone where am I?, where is my mind?, where is my time?, I then took a look at the mirror then I saw my pupils wide open, and i started to turn off the light and on to see if there close and open and they didn't they stood wide opend, then I tried to sleep and have some rest and I lay down in my bed and close my eyes and I don't know how much time passed but I think in real time was like less than a minute, and I did this several times.
I then was going to tell mom to take me to the hospital but I didn't because I didn't wanted to hurt the person who gave me the drug. So then I got the courage to go to the living room where my parents where then I try to act the most normal posible, then I think I did exelent that part, they didn't notice. Then the person who gave me the drug came into my room and I say several times not to let me alone so I felt a little realif that someone was with me and knowing what I just did, then he told me if I was hungry and thirsty and I said no but I notice that i was dehidrated, so I drank a lot of whater and I ate something, then I started to walk arround my house in circules the whole house like 5 times and that make me feel a littler more realif so then the time pass and I kept asking the person what time it was, like every 3 or 5 minutes for me it was eternity hell, then I ask him how long it would last, and he told me like 5 hours so we wait the whole time and nothing changed, I then called my only brother ,elder for one year and couple of months, and ask him to came to the house to be with me, and he came late at night so when he came he took me to a bar and told me that I had to drink alchool to feel better, then as he's my brother I trust him so he bought me 3 drinks with orange, and I think I got drunk I couldn't knew as I was with the hell feeling, then he drove for a while to get me distracted and so I did for a littler but still thinking, then lattler he took me to a happybirthday party of a friend of him, and I feel very weird, I don't know how that was suppose to help, maybe the distracting thing, well after that we went home and I got to sleep. Next two day's after the firs I still felt as much high of the hell very strong, and I examine my self and I touched my skin the firs day and I didn't feelt it so more panic added to the situation, then for the next three days I hit very gentle my head and notice that some parts of my brain were drowse, like up in the top of my ears, I felt this for the first three days and then the fourth day it did reduce a bit, and the fifth day it almost was gone. To my skin happend almost the same. Then the thirth day I told my mom and we where to see the doctor she told me I was going to be ok then i relax. Like 3 or 4 days after that I ask her to send me to a Psychiatrist, beacuse Im the kind of person who if I feel that something is not normal and could turn worst I ask for help vary quikly, so what turn me to feel bad again, was that I was still feeling the same maybe in very very less intensity and that I started thinking that maybe I have develope a mental desease like skisofremia, because ones I knew I guy with zchisofremia and he scarde me because he went mad one time. So I was scared of many many thinght and the most was that I thought I was always stay in like that. Well I went to the psichiatrist and he told me that I did touch madness, and a bit of Zchisofremia, that's where my afraid of Zchisofremia arived, and I loss for a bit the reality, all those words got me even worst. Then he gave me pills anti psycotic, and to the panic attacks clonasepam (klonopin), and to sleep clonasepam too, well . I forgot to tell that when all started I fel my heart beatting very fast and I tried to relax and i think I did very well, and also my heart was sending hot blood all trough my body. Well after the psichiatrist date I had panics atacks and also claustrofobic some times and then the panic atacs began, when I was alone also the panics atack, atacked me. The fifht day I told my dad what was going on with me and I felt such a realif, but no better just a relif as when I told my mom, All the two firts weeks I feel a huge need of huging and love, so they gave it me. Well and I also wanted to go to a mental hospital and my new doctor don't send me there because he told me they wouldn't acept me because my situation was not that bad, the true thing was that I felt I needed a time out, and as I didn't find it I did spend two days in my room alone and that make me felt better. I went to a second psichiatrist and he told me that I just have a lot of ansiety and told me not to take the antipsicotic pills, and he gave me another pills well he gave me a pill for drepression that stimulate serotonin, and of couse as I am very sensitive of medicines I just took the half of the lowest dose, and I'm speaking of all pills including the firts psichiatrist, well that pills the serotonin ones gave me a lot of panic attaks in one night, so I didn't drank them anymore, the nex date was wiht my firs psichiatrist and then he told me a new evaluation, that I just had a panic trastorn o disorder, so he gave me another pills, paxil, and guess what this pills are anti serotonin ones, and for good sleep clonacepam, at first I had very vivid and weird dreams like te second day I dram about an eclipse a moon one and the nex day I didn't knew it was an ecplise, then other weird dreams, so I took clonasepam and I dream well, after my first visit with my psychiatrist! I went to another psychiatryst and he told me I may never develope Zchisofremia, but hey now I am so scared of that! what can I do? I may have a huge trauma and the idea of the zchisofremia supports that trauma! I think I also have OCD! because thoughts!
Well Janine, please tell me the truth, do I really had a zchisofremia episode? or that was just a DP,DR and Panic atack?
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