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okay im 15. soon 16.

Im not ready to die , right ? Well this damn feeling is making me feel as if im waiting for it , or like it already happened. I feel dead , not here , not real. nothing is real , thats my biggest believe lately. I look around but my brain dont see what I see. I only see it because somehow I am still here but in another condition. I start to scream. this fake reality I am caught in just falls and hits me in the middle of wherever I am. I see but I dont get. I dont understand the things I see. Its like a newborn baby that sees the world for the very first time. I forget every second but I remeber them in some way. I start to wonder , who is living inside my body ? What is this ? I can no longer pass by a tree or a car and let life take me where im going , because when I pass that tree or car my brain must think things like : that-is-a-car made of metalls etc just to let me know I am here. But im not. I feel like I dissapear but still im here. That makes me mad because I want to either just dissapear or mostly stay here. But the feeling of having them both makes me mentally exhausted.. Its hard to explain to other people , ive been to the doctor etc.. but nothing is really wrong. Im not depressed. The period before this came was the best time in my life. I was so fucking happy and then boom. I hate this. And I cry everytime I get it because why am I dead but still alive. dont get me wrong im not mentally sick im just putting words to how one of these ''panicattacks'' or depersonalisation stuff gets me. Im tired.. very exhausted. headaches , sick... where am i? Tbh it all feels so weird. I cant describe anything like it... and all im asking is..

can someone help me... please.
 

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whoa. I had no idea that a stranger (the same age) could be feeling the exact same way as me. Seriously, I can relate to everything you mentioned. everything. I've even explained the cars, trees, and newborn baby thing before! I'm sorry but I don't really know how to help you because I can't even help myself. Every time I would get that sensation that nothing was real, I would try to block it out of my mind, I would just run away. and I kept running from it. eventually, it worked. It's been about a year and I haven't felt that way. But I still have questions, I'm still scared that it could come back and I am just as confused as ever. I wish I could help, but I guess the reason I'm here is to let you know that you are definatley not alone. We're in this crazy, un-known world together.
 

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believe it or not, you have a 100% "curable" PSYCHOLOGICAL problem, nothing more, as hellish as it feels. I strongly believe that in order to start
recovery you have to believe that you can recover. I'll give you my 2 cents on that issue- a couple of months ago when it all started for me i went to
see a psychiatrist to whom i told "this condition will stay with me until i die." He replied that I spoke none sense, and what I said is equivalently stupid
to saying "if your girlfriend leaves you, you can never overcome the sorrow."
 
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