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Hey Everyone,

You have most lickely read a few of these so I will try and make it as painless and to the point as possible J

  • I am 27
  • I have been travelling and working overseas for 3 and a half years
  • Last July my friend and I went on a road trip for a month, he smokes a lot of weed but obviously he didn't buy any when he came to visit me but he did manage to get his hands on a legal replacement called juicy fruits which I did smoke with him (this is the only thing I can think that I got this from?)
  • Few days later I started complaining that I felt weird and the feelings began to get worse, while I was away I could kinda push them to the back of my brain and I was okay, I started to have a few more panic attacks (but I have had these in the past and always connected it to being hungover, to much caffeine, etc) the panic attacks would literally be me repeating the words 'omg' while heavy breathing, shaking and freaking out while who ever was with me would talk to me… I will always hear the words but cant make them out? Like I can say HELLO but the links all disappear like I can no longer put a 'description' to a 'object' does that make sense? I even threw myself off a train once, oh I smile at it now but was so scary at the time!
  • I feel spaced out all the time, like I am stoned, walking around like I am not in control of my body. I stoped driving in Sept due to having a panic attack at the wheel and me becoming convinced I was going to drive the car into oncoming traffic. Every time cars would pull up next to me I would feel like I am going to ram the car into them? I often will walk and freak myself out that I will forget how to walk? I have worked in admin for 7 years and I feel like my spelling and the abaility to use a computer is decreasing at a rapid speed, I will re read things but the words just don't sink it. Going to a shopping centre I will feel like I am floating looking at people, blurry and I just don't feel like I belong.
  • I have returned back home after my travels and I have been back a few months now. I went to the doctors to talk about it all and they put me on Sertaline (anxiety pills) I took them for about 6 weeks but stopped as I felt emotionless and simply numb! I was also getting some horrible night sweats and crazy dreams! ( Didn't mind them).
  • I stopped drinking and smoking a month ago, as well as cutting out carbs, fruits and sugars, as I could also relate my symptoms to 'Candida' but after 4 weeks I don't feel any different? If anything I feel worse because when I would drink alcohol I felt like I would get to a level where I felt normal? I am aware I am pretty stressed out, as returning home I have returned to a life which is not the same anymore, I have made close friends which are now overseas and many of my friends here all have there own life, I am trying to sort out 'what's next' but feel like shit most days, Its like a circle that I am finding so hard to get out off? I know I have the ability to do so well in my life, I usually make friends easily, I have a good sense of humour, I managed to travel to foreign travels alone and start a life for myself, but right now and for the past few months I have just felt like utter shit, I have no desire to do anything? Lack of motivation and I just feel so spaced out! I avoid speaking to my friends about it because they see auto pilot me and think I am just making a joke when I speak about this all? MY GOD feels good to get that all out…

If you made it this far SORRY ITS SO EPIC! I JUST COULDN'T STOP! So what do you think? I have depersonalization??
 
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