I feel always that when i do something or go somewhere diffefent places my whole state of being changes. But it never feels satisfieng. It feels frustrating and hopeless. I dont underdtand life anymore. Im just here. Leaved alone. No clue what im doing here. I can one day be up to something else and second day i can be in totally different. I feel i live these same scenarios over and over again and im sick of it. I cant control it at any way. Deep down i feel hopeless. Terrified. Afraid.. I dont know what this is anymore.