i hear you perfectly thats exactly how i feel. like when the sunsets i try to tell my myself in my head that it is pretty, but it says i can't think that way. this is such a horrible disorder and its hard not to think about it, you have to force yourself. if we can beat this we can beat anything else life would throw at us. this may not be a physical illness and we may not feel physical pain, but inside we are hurting deeply, even if we do not cry the mental and emotional pain is unbearable. just the pain of not being anything and not feeling human, its just as bad as a physical pain.