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Hello Everyone,
I recently joined this forum in order to gain some knowledge and insight into some ways that I may be able to help out a very close friend of mine.
Firstly, a little bit about myself. I'm a 32 year old who is no stranger to mental health. Since the age of 13, I've been battling with depression, and have had some really low and hopeless points in my past (including a few suicide attempts). Although things aren't the best right now, I'm in a much better place now than I've been in the past. I've been trying my best to see the beauty in life, and often look forward to the future.
In 2015, I made a new friend who has become very close to me. For the sake of anonymity, let's call him "Justin". Justin, like me, is a Black gay male. He is currently 26 years old. I think the only thing stopping us from being official "boyfriends" is the fact that we both have some internal work to do on ourselves.
Around 2017, Justin was at a low point and met up with someone who he smoked some weed with. Afterwards, he began to explain to me that he started to feel different and disconnected. After a little bit of research, both he and I realized that he may be battling with depersonalization. I did some research and helped him get into therapy, where he was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, grief, and dissociation (as a result). He worked with a therapist for over a year, and was beginning to make some strides, and realize some behavior patterns/traits that he wasn't aware of previously.
However, in late 2018, I had received a job offer which required me to move across the US to Phoenix. We left Western NY in February of 2019. At that time, he was unable to sustain a life for himself (financially) in western NY, so he ended up moving back home with family in NYC. After about a month of me being in a new city, and him being around his family (a trigger), I noticed that his mental health began to deteriorate once more. There was one day I spoke with him on the phone and he was crying and very overwhelmed. I offered him a trip to come spend some time with me in Phoenix in hopes that a change of scenery would help. For a while it did. So much that he ended up moving some of his stuff to Phoenix, and has been staying with me once again since April of 2019..
Then, the COVID pandemic hit, and things worsened. He lost his job due to schools closing down. Thankfully I am able to work from home and have been supported the both of us financially since the lock-down started (April of 2020). Since then things have gotten worse for him. Being trapped in the house and mostly only interacting with one other person (me) hasn't helped him with feeling disconnected. We're both naturally introverts, but I am a bit more extroverted than he is.
Fast forward to the present day, he wakes up most days with the feeling of dread. Although he "says" that he's not suicidal and wouldn't want to hurt the ones he loves, he also mentioned that most days he'd be okay with "not waking up tomorrow". Naturally, me being someone who has attempted suicide in the past, takes statements like this very seriously.
He is currently unemployed, and feels so disconnected from the world "outside" that he fears he wouldn't even be able to handle working a job right now. To an extent, I agree with him. He's become very forgetful, and disconnected (even with me). Some days, he doesn't have the energy or willpower to do what might be considered basic functions like brushing teeth, taking a shower, etc. He recently got accepted for a state insurance (medicaid) and has been able to see some doctors. Each of whom tell him that there's "nothing wrong" or that he needs to "reduce stress". These days, that's easier said than done.
We've been trying to look for therapists/counselors for him to talk to; but that's also been a struggle because a lot of therapists don't take insurance in the area. The ones that do, don't take medicaid. The handful that DO take medicaid conflict with either his orientation/beliefs (not LGBTQ+ friendly), are extremely far, or have terrible reviews. Even the inpatient mental health services in the area have terrible reviews. One night he was so desperate that he called a hotline and someone picked up with an attitude, so he just hung up. He's at a very low and vulnerable place right now, so seeing a bad therapist, or having a bad experience in an inpatient setting might just throw him over the edge. I'm a bit skeptical of this myself, having had a handful of bad therapists, and even being placed on a "hold" in a mental health facility in the past. Everyone always says to "seek therapy" but the options for someone without insurance (or with bad insurance), and no job to pay for sessions are pretty limited.
He has been trying to find a job to, at the very least, get better insurance. But even the job market that we're in stinks.. The amount of rejections that he gets is disgusting. I've helped him apply, fixed his resumes, and it's just nothing but denial after denial. I'm someone that knows my way around the "career" and "professional" world very well, and even I'm starting to get aggravated for him.
I'm getting very worried because most days, he's becoming distant with me which was never really this severe. He doesn't talk to his family and/or friends. He has no desire to even "exist", and describes himself as just "waiting for his time to go" on some days.
We've tried just about everything including a more active lifestyle, changing diets, trying to get better sleep, making the home space feel more safe, comfortable, and inviting, researching therapists/inpatient facilities, trying to make friends to get him (and even myself) more social interaction, new hobbies, going out. In the past when he mentioned his feelings to his family, he was either ignored or invalidated. So basically, it's just nothing.. nothing works and it's getting to the point where I don't know what to do. With all of this said, I'm here on these forums trying to learn more about DP/DR and how I can continue to help him as best as I can.
Thanks for reading, and any feedback/help/ideas are welcome!
I recently joined this forum in order to gain some knowledge and insight into some ways that I may be able to help out a very close friend of mine.
Firstly, a little bit about myself. I'm a 32 year old who is no stranger to mental health. Since the age of 13, I've been battling with depression, and have had some really low and hopeless points in my past (including a few suicide attempts). Although things aren't the best right now, I'm in a much better place now than I've been in the past. I've been trying my best to see the beauty in life, and often look forward to the future.
In 2015, I made a new friend who has become very close to me. For the sake of anonymity, let's call him "Justin". Justin, like me, is a Black gay male. He is currently 26 years old. I think the only thing stopping us from being official "boyfriends" is the fact that we both have some internal work to do on ourselves.
Around 2017, Justin was at a low point and met up with someone who he smoked some weed with. Afterwards, he began to explain to me that he started to feel different and disconnected. After a little bit of research, both he and I realized that he may be battling with depersonalization. I did some research and helped him get into therapy, where he was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, grief, and dissociation (as a result). He worked with a therapist for over a year, and was beginning to make some strides, and realize some behavior patterns/traits that he wasn't aware of previously.
However, in late 2018, I had received a job offer which required me to move across the US to Phoenix. We left Western NY in February of 2019. At that time, he was unable to sustain a life for himself (financially) in western NY, so he ended up moving back home with family in NYC. After about a month of me being in a new city, and him being around his family (a trigger), I noticed that his mental health began to deteriorate once more. There was one day I spoke with him on the phone and he was crying and very overwhelmed. I offered him a trip to come spend some time with me in Phoenix in hopes that a change of scenery would help. For a while it did. So much that he ended up moving some of his stuff to Phoenix, and has been staying with me once again since April of 2019..
Then, the COVID pandemic hit, and things worsened. He lost his job due to schools closing down. Thankfully I am able to work from home and have been supported the both of us financially since the lock-down started (April of 2020). Since then things have gotten worse for him. Being trapped in the house and mostly only interacting with one other person (me) hasn't helped him with feeling disconnected. We're both naturally introverts, but I am a bit more extroverted than he is.
Fast forward to the present day, he wakes up most days with the feeling of dread. Although he "says" that he's not suicidal and wouldn't want to hurt the ones he loves, he also mentioned that most days he'd be okay with "not waking up tomorrow". Naturally, me being someone who has attempted suicide in the past, takes statements like this very seriously.
He is currently unemployed, and feels so disconnected from the world "outside" that he fears he wouldn't even be able to handle working a job right now. To an extent, I agree with him. He's become very forgetful, and disconnected (even with me). Some days, he doesn't have the energy or willpower to do what might be considered basic functions like brushing teeth, taking a shower, etc. He recently got accepted for a state insurance (medicaid) and has been able to see some doctors. Each of whom tell him that there's "nothing wrong" or that he needs to "reduce stress". These days, that's easier said than done.
We've been trying to look for therapists/counselors for him to talk to; but that's also been a struggle because a lot of therapists don't take insurance in the area. The ones that do, don't take medicaid. The handful that DO take medicaid conflict with either his orientation/beliefs (not LGBTQ+ friendly), are extremely far, or have terrible reviews. Even the inpatient mental health services in the area have terrible reviews. One night he was so desperate that he called a hotline and someone picked up with an attitude, so he just hung up. He's at a very low and vulnerable place right now, so seeing a bad therapist, or having a bad experience in an inpatient setting might just throw him over the edge. I'm a bit skeptical of this myself, having had a handful of bad therapists, and even being placed on a "hold" in a mental health facility in the past. Everyone always says to "seek therapy" but the options for someone without insurance (or with bad insurance), and no job to pay for sessions are pretty limited.
He has been trying to find a job to, at the very least, get better insurance. But even the job market that we're in stinks.. The amount of rejections that he gets is disgusting. I've helped him apply, fixed his resumes, and it's just nothing but denial after denial. I'm someone that knows my way around the "career" and "professional" world very well, and even I'm starting to get aggravated for him.
I'm getting very worried because most days, he's becoming distant with me which was never really this severe. He doesn't talk to his family and/or friends. He has no desire to even "exist", and describes himself as just "waiting for his time to go" on some days.
We've tried just about everything including a more active lifestyle, changing diets, trying to get better sleep, making the home space feel more safe, comfortable, and inviting, researching therapists/inpatient facilities, trying to make friends to get him (and even myself) more social interaction, new hobbies, going out. In the past when he mentioned his feelings to his family, he was either ignored or invalidated. So basically, it's just nothing.. nothing works and it's getting to the point where I don't know what to do. With all of this said, I'm here on these forums trying to learn more about DP/DR and how I can continue to help him as best as I can.
Thanks for reading, and any feedback/help/ideas are welcome!
