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I'm giving up on myself. I notice things about myself that are hard to grasp but I know for certain something is off/wrong. Sometimes I feel like I don't have genuinity about myself, like I don't have really a soul, a core. I'ts hard to explain.. I do have emotions, feelings but it's more like I'm actually a detached observant of my persona going on about her life experiencing what I know are my ups and downs, it's like I'm more an observer than a genuine self.. Once I didn't pay it so much attention but I'm fucking noticing now, I know things get to me, I feel, etc but why does it feel so fucking fake at my core? Like I push/manipulate myself to react to stuff otherwise I couldn't.. what's fucking wrong with me
 

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I don't know what this is. I have also come to terms with it long ago, and I notice they I feel better if I don't try to force myself to feel or express things in a way that I don't naturally feel. It really means I'm alone (who wants to be around a personality-less blob). It stinks because I can't work, and worry about how I will be able to take care of myself in this condition, but I can't get any help or understanding of this at all.
 

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I'm giving up on myself. I notice things about myself that are hard to grasp but I know for certain something is off/wrong. Sometimes I feel like I don't have genuinity about myself, like I don't have really a soul, a core. I'ts hard to explain.. I do have emotions, feelings but it's more like I'm actually a detached observant of my persona going on about her life experiencing what I know are my ups and downs, it's like I'm more an observer than a genuine self.. Once I didn't pay it so much attention but I'm fucking noticing now, I know things get to me, I feel, etc but why does it feel so fucking fake at my core? Like I push/manipulate myself to react to stuff otherwise I couldn't.. what's fucking wrong with me
feels like I wrote this myself!! The concept of self and identity seems very strange to me. I just need someone to shoot me in the head
 

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I felt more like this years before I knew what it was. In that time I prioritized feeling safe from people that could hurt me. It could mean attaching to someone protective or randomly dissociating to the side of me with a fear deficit wherein I profoundly enjoy antagonizing people that trigger me. Feeling synthetic attachment to my own essence and drives started mattering less than making the most of this hell so I could at least have peace in my head fleeting as it was. Still, it bothered me to find myself so out of touch I couldn't exist correctly with my own identity.
 

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yeah I think if you didn’t lose your personality and feelings you don’t really have depersonalisation so what you are describing is probably what everyone is going through on this forum...
 

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I’ve experienced somewhat what you have. For me, I woke up or came to somehow one day, had this strange feeling and perception like I was in this body for the first time...adult body because I pictured this baby’s body instead, bizarre. (Getting off topic because I know you didn’t experience that) Anyway, I have memories of who I was before this episode, before this surrealism...after 10 years of living with this I do feel completely connected to the memories of emotions that occurred during them, but I’m intellectually still very detached. (The episode happened 10 years ago. I call it being reborn) From who I was, from grooming, how I used to laugh, speak, dance, express myself. That was gone and still is...I’ve adapted and learned other ways I guess. Anyway, it’s like i was born again with memories of who used to live in this body but no personality, just survivalism. I’m this wannabe voyeur of the person who I’m impersonating.
 
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