It's really up to us

So I thought that getting a new roommate would cure it. It didn't. I thoguht being back in school would do it. It didn't. I thought my best friend coming back to town would do it. It didn't. It really is hitting home with me that NOTHING can cure us of this but our own abilities to focus outward and possibly medication. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I include myself in it, but so many of us just want some easy solution to get cured. We look for the perfect words or the perfect solution, but really you have to force yourself to focus outwards. I'm just barely beginning to do this...I still focus on self way too much, and have problems with anything "abstract." But the times that I can focus outward and focus on other things, I feel better. It's a bitch, it's a pain in the ass, it's tough as shit, but it's the only way out. Janine told me this many months ago, and I thought I was doing it, but i'm still not...when I'm feeling badly, i immediately turn back into myself..."why am I feeling this way, what was I thinking that caused this, what can I do to prevent this from happening, what thoughts am I having that are making it bad?" I am far from being cured, but those of us who have become cured give us all the same advice...FOCUS OUTWARD. There is so much wisdom in this, but it is hard, as most things that are worthwhile are. To paraphrase Jesus in a non-religious way, it's through the narrow gate, not the easy way, that we really get better. It ain't easy, but it's the only way. I truly believe this.