I've fought with depersonalization for about 6 years now first it started with little "episodes" of feeling a cartoonish high (I would just brush it off) but then it got to a point where it was more often. Then it just turned into 24/7. I reached what I thought was rock bottom,but I was able to cope with it for a good 4 months but now it just hit me like a train with the full package. Its worse now like I get panic attacks around the same time of day now 6pm-11pm. I was always a messed up kid,I used to have crazy nightmares and night terrors for no reason. I always freaked out over little things as well (I still do). I also always was anti social and scared. I am so dull now and I have bad episodes where it is a full blown "high" and depression and fear. It got so bad the other day i cried to my sister and told her i cant live like this anymore. She was able to calm me down. But im tired of this HELL. I dont know what made me like this. I mean when I was younger we were very poor and spent most of our lives in shelters and horribke homes, but none of that really got to me. Now im scared i am going to slip into insanity. I just need someone to understand me and tell me if this really is just depersonalization and give me true advice. Im scared that i have a worser mental illness. I feel like I am gripping onto reality by a thread. I am so scared. I dont want to be crazy. I want to be me. I want to be happy. I want to just wake up one day and be free from this hell of mine.
Sorry if i am all over the place my mind is constantly racing and im just so scared
Sorry if i am all over the place my mind is constantly racing and im just so scared
